Things You May Have Overheard if You Were Hanging Out With Us #3
As before, these things are unrelated to one another. If you try to make them make sense, you could hurt yourself. (The first one was here, and the second one was here.)
There's a lot you don't know about your pants.
How many descriptions did the doctor give me?
Fine. I'll stop putting arsenic in your food.
S: Oh, no. That lady's dress is in her butt.
J: That's never a good look.
LG: That's why I never wear dresses...
S: Oh, stop! Dresses don't have to go in your butt.
S: Oh, look. There she goes. Honey, that dress is not working for you.
LG: Why doesn't her friend tell her?
S: I guess she's not that good a friend.
No, Biscuit, no!. . . He took my potato. Again.
Also at Rita's:
LG: Aw, that poor old lady.
S: Why's she a poor old lady?
LG: She's retarded.
S: WHAT?! Why would you say such a thing?
LG: It says so on her shirt.
LG: Right there on her T-shirt: "I'm Retarded, Do it Yourself!"
S: No. Not retarded. RETIRED.
LG: Oh. Yea.
And if you were hanging out in my email box, you would have seen this, which tickled Jif and me a right smart. First, I'll set the stage. We sent out Evites to a pool party for LG's 5th grade graduation, with the stipulation that parents are welcome, though not required, to stay at the party. I had to obtain all of LG's little friends' email addresses to do this. Most of LG's friends' email addresses have words like "wild monkey" or "fairy" or "soccerqueen" in them. But the one, of this girl that I don't know, it was "darkness.deathlord@emailservice." With some hesitation, I sent the dark little deathlord her Evite, not knowing what sort of creature might show up at the pool party. But this was the deathlord's reply:
"Yes, I can come! Thank you so much for inviting me. My Mom might come, too, but she's not sure yet."
That's awfully polite for the princess of darkness, don't you think?
file under: &Family