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Thursday, May 26, 2005

Things You May Have Overheard if You Were Hanging Out with Us ~ #2

As before, these are unrelated to one another. If you try to make them make sense, you could hurt yourself.


LG, bring me the scissors! Run!

No, Biscuit.

You're sending porn to the hospice? *

What if your credit card gets reclined?

S (opening the mail): This says I've been nominated for "Who's Who in American Women in Healthcare"...gotta fill out forms...I'm not going to do this...
J: Why not?
S: I don't wanna be in "Who's Who," I wanna be in "Who Zat?"
J: No, try for "Who Dat?" Much more prestigious.

No, Biscuit!!

I just checked WeatherBug. What should I wear for 69?

S: Would it be inappropriate for one to yell, "YOU SUCK!" to the Red Knight, while here at Medieval Times with one's church group?
J: Yes, it would. One mustn't do that. One needs to yell, "THOU SUCKEST!"

LG (to Jif): Dial it back, Denzel.
(Shocked and amused silence.)
J: Did my daughter just call me Denzel?
S: I believe she did. I believe that's exactly what she called you.
J: LG, is that what you called me?
LG (getting worried): I don't know what a denzel is. Is that a bad word?
S: If you don't know what it is, where did you hear it? What do you think it means?
LG: I heard it on The Proud Family. I think if a Dad is going on and on about something at the dinner table, then you say, "Dial it back, Denzel."
S: Oh. Dial it back, Denzel.


*There is a story behind this. I'll try to post it next week!

"Things You May Have Overheard #1" is here.

31 heads are better than one . . .

Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Wait, I think I can answer that Weather Bug question...

 
Blogger ieatcrayonz said...

I would personally hold out for "Who Dat in Christian Beyotches in Healthcare." They have excellent membership benefits, although everybody is too scared to ask what they are.

Is J really that witty? You are so lucky, woman.

 
Blogger Squirl said...

Dial it back, Denzel. I like that one. And who would ever say no to a biscuit. What? Oh, Biscuit. Yeah.

 
Blogger Vajana said...

OMG that Denzel conversation was the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. Dial it back, I can't get over it!

 
Blogger ducklet said...

Are you kidding? That TOTALLY made sense to me. It was all clearly connected. And I didn't even hurt myself figuring it out. Much.

 
Blogger Greenthumb said...

Sir Jif, thou art killing me here with thy wit.

LG, yo dawg...dial it back? LOL

You guy's are a hoot!

 
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

I wanna come live with you guys! :)

Those are some great "overheards"!

J is really funny. I love the Denzel thing! How did you keep from laughing on that one?

 
Blogger Weetzie said...

This stuff made me giggle out loud which, btw, is what my horoscope said I needed today!

 
Blogger Kitty said...

LOL - Thou rocketh yon Susie!

 
Blogger Spurious Plum said...

Is Denzel a bad word? Lordy! So funny!

 
Blogger laurenbove said...

too funny! you've made me laugh again and that's a hell of a feat!

 
Blogger Candace said...

Oh my goodness. Either I need to move to your neighborhood or you need to move to mine! It's a good thing you're a choosy mutha, cos you done chose yourself a good one!

I'm lovin' "Dial it back, Denzel!" Too freaking funny!

 
Blogger No_Newz said...

Either I've been a fly on the wall at your house, or you've been one at mine. I love the insanity that is home. :)
Lois Lane
P.S. You gave the sweetest comment the other day, and missy, you are too, too funny too.

 
Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

Thou suckest! I will laugh at that all day. This post is really too funny. Congrats on the nom - even if paperwork is required.

 
Blogger eclectic said...

Reclining creditcards...yes, I'm sure there's a market for that, but packaging will be everything.

 
Blogger Ern said...

Dail it back, Denzel! Ha! That's hilarious! How old is LG again? Too funny.

 
Blogger Andrea said...

OH, OH, OH! I'm trying hard not to laugh out loud (I'll wake the baby!) at the "Dial it back" line. That LG...no question she's part of your family, is there? :) And yes, I want to know here age too, if you're willing to share, because somehow, putting that line in that context will tell us just how funny it really is :)

 
Blogger Andrea said...

And I am totally going to steal that line for some people I know.

 
Blogger WILLIAM said...

That's some funny stuff. I am looking forward to the hospice porn story.

 
Blogger echrai said...

Ditto! Hospice porn? HELL YEAH. Do spill.

 
Blogger Susie said...

bucky, I figured I could count on you for that!

robyn, J is witty, I am lucky, and I will check into that fine organization you mention!

squirl, I could make you some biscuits if you'd take Biscuit, too.

vajana, glad you enjoyed :)

brando, don't go claiming any injuries and trying to collect on my blogowner's policy. You were warned.

greenie, hoots a plenty. (Not hooters, hoots.)

CK, you can move in. But the circus folk would miss you too too much.

weetzie, I think everyone's horoscope should say they need that every day.

Thou rockest also, fair kitty.

Plum, you'd think the daughter of the blogger with "every bad word EVER" would know the answer to that.

laurenbove, I'll come see about you. Why such a feat to make you laugh today, mon chere?

misfit, I humbly say, I did choose well, or more accurately, God chose well for me. "Dial it back, Denzel" is a very useful phrase!

LoisLane, thank you. Home is where the funny is.

kranki, thank you. Thou doest not suckest.

eclectic, you make me laugh. My cards should recline more often, just take it easy.

ern and andrea, LG turned 9 not long ago. She is quite witty. Any minute now her wit will make mine look like cold oatmeal. Or something like that.

william and echrai, I realize, I haven't had time to write a real "story" in many days. I shall try to get the porn one out soon.

 
Blogger Dang Cold.. said...

What a group!! I think of Susie, and her beautiful family of Jif and LG just hangin' at the dinner table having a ball. Then Mr. Angelino busts in and yells, "TRIPPER?!?!?!?"

dc - dristan capsule

 
Anonymous lawbrat said...

Those were great. Thanks for sharing them.

 
Blogger Colleen said...

I LOVE THIS POST!

i also got to be nominated for "who's who"...and wished it was "WTF was that?"

and as for "thou suckest", thank you for a new insult! sounds so respectful.

thanks for the laughs!!

 
Blogger Cindy said...

Such great fun! You all sound like such a fun and witty family - you must be exhausted from all the wit being thought up! ;-) I know, I know...it's just natural, no heavy lifting required for you all - must be nice, some people have all the luck, and wit!

Thanks for the laughs and smiles - it sure does make the day better!

 
Blogger Susie said...

dc, "TRIPPER" seems to be an apt description of you this evening, my friend!

dribble cup

you are most welcome, lawbrat with the pretty new highlights :)

colleen, I think you're onto something here . . . "WTF" can be the "who's who" of blogworld! I'd be most honored to be nominated for WTF!

 
Blogger Susie said...

cindy, you sneakied in there while I was posting! We are very fun and witty when we're not being whiney and irritable :)

 
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

"Dial it back, Denzel." Hoo boy. That doth not sucketh.

(And leave my dog alone!)

 
Blogger little sister said...

I'm going to have to print your posts and put them on the bulletin board so everyone on the 26th floor knows WTF I'm laughing about!

"Dial it back, Denzel." I'm hurting from laughing :D

 
Blogger Susie said...

hoss, send your dog a one-way ticket, and I'll pack his little doggie bags!

lilsis, that's not a bad idea. You really should share, there in your undisclosed location. Dick might want a laugh, too.

 
Blogger Redhead Mommy said...

You make me laugh and forget my pain. Thank you!

 


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