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Wednesday, May 16, 2007

WTF Q&A: Celebrity Edition

Sometimes I get so tired of thinking and talking about WTF. My symptoms often give me no choice regarding the thinking part, but I do try to limit talking about it. Still, I know that some people would like an update. I've decided that instead of my talking more about it just now, I'd invite some celebrity friends (what? I do so have celebrity friends) to answer some questions that I completely made up to fit the quotes I found many people have asked.


Q: You've had WTF for over a year now. Just what is known and not known about it, at this juncture? Has anything really happened recently?

A: "Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns -- the ones we don't know we don't know." (Donald Rumsfeld)


Q: You've been through an awful lot of invasive, painful tests. How do you feel about this?

A: "I feel like a human pinata. The disappointing thing is, no candy is going to spill out." (Katie Couric)


Q: Jif drives you to a lot of your many medical appointments. Isn't he getting tired of that? Doesn't he wish you'd just take the bus?

A: "Being sober on a bus is, like, totally different than being drunk on a bus." (Ozzy Osbourne)


Q: So you rely very heavily on Jif. What would you do without him?

A: "The man for me is the cherry on the pie. But I'm the pie and my pie is good all by itself. Even if I don't have a cherry." (Halle Berry)


Q: Can you describe your most recent physical symptoms?

A: "I think there's a little bit of sizzling here. Honestly, I can feel it. The ions are flying back and forth." (Regis Philbin)


Q: What if you need surgery to get rid of the Ti that may be causing your problems? Are you worried about a scar?

A: "I think scars are sexy because they mean that you made a mistake that led to a mess." (Angelina Jolie)


Q: You used to be so private in your blogging. Then you started with the peepee troubles, and moved on to putting your CT films in your dining room window, and posting your gigantic orange pee jug. What has happened to your dignity, woman!?

A: "If you make a fool of yourself, you can do it with dignity, without taking your pants down. And if you do take your pants down, you can still do it with dignity." (William Shatner)


Q: How do you handle all of this chronic uncertainty, the not knowing what's happening, or what's next?

A: "I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face.” (Johnny Depp)


That's all the latest (waiting for more test results, really). A big thank you to all my celebrity friends, for fielding those hard-hitting questions for me.

file under: &WTF Disease

23 heads are better than one . . .

Blogger Lynn said...

1. I'm very glad Rumsfeld is not your doctor.

2. I totally get what Ozzy is saying and would like to hired as his personal translator.

3. You rock!

 
Blogger Lynn said...

And one more thing...

A: "I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face.” (Johnny Depp)

Yup. I get this, too.

And you rock!

 
Blogger Susie said...

Lynn, sadly, I think Rumsfeld IS my doctor. I've always felt I have a deep understanding of what Ozzy is trying to say, too :)

 
Anonymous Tina said...

AND, inquiring minds DO want to know. OMG! That was as awesome as you. Have a most blessed day.

 
Blogger Traci said...

Me & Ozzy man, we're like THIS! And Johnny Depp? I knew I didn't like that guy...he knows my secret!

Been thinkin' 'bout you sweets.

Oh, and I agree with Lynn...you rock!

 
Anonymous Hootie Mac said...

Wow, I know someone that knows famous people. I am giddy.

 
Blogger lawyerchik said...

Not sure which is funnier - that you put questions in front of those quotes, or that the original speakers actually said those things in the first place!! :) Either way, VERY funny!

Happy Thursday, Susie!!

 
Blogger Karen said...

Confusion looks very good on Johnny Depp's face. I'm just sayin'. (Okay, pretty much any expression looks good on Johnny Depp's face.)

 
Blogger Naomi said...

No candy is gonna come out!? Ah, man! That's what I was hanging around for!

No, not really! But I did enjoy these quotes, you must have had some fun making this blog!! It puts a smile on my face!!
Hugs and blove!

 
Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

Oh wow! I am so excited to learn that I am 2 degrees of separation from William Shatner. You are tres coolio, Miz Susie.

 
Anonymous LadyBug said...

So what you're saying is...you filled your orange pee jug with candy?

Oh, and I'm perfectly happy with whatever expression Johnny Depp has on his face. ROWR.

 
Blogger Lynn said...

You know, Susie, I thought about the Rumsfeld thing after I left that comment. There are just too many Rumsfelds running around out there!

 
Blogger eclectic said...

So, Halle Berry doesn't have her cherry? But she's good, even without it?? Yikes! That's a little revealing, even for a "tell-all" blog like this one. ;)

 
Blogger Susie said...

tina, you are very sweet. I hope your day is blessed, too :)

traci, you rock yourdamnself. I always figured you and Ozzy were tight.

hootiem, yea, you can call any one of them and tell them you know me and they'll . . . yea, maybe not.

lawyerchik, I think it's that they said those things. I actually saw a video clip of Rumsfeld, which inspired me to go looking for other wacky quotes :)

karen, ain't that the truth? Resisting the urge to list all the things that might look good on JD's face...

naomi, heh, who knows, candy might start coming out. I'll run and get you if it happens ;) As with most posts here, I was trying to entertain myself. Glad you enjoyed :)

kranki, william shatner rocks, in an old, bizarre guy way, don't you think?

ladybug, really, how could you go wrong with that face?

lynn, they're EVERYWHERE.

eclectic, you're a poet, and I'll bet you know it.

 
Blogger Sandi said...

Yeah, those unknown unknowns will get you every time. It's a wonder that guy didn't run for president.

 
Blogger Squirl said...

Susie, you had me laughing out loud here. I'm home, I've had a couple of glasses of wine, seen my baby sister, and now read this post. Not sure what could've been better!

Love you!

 
Blogger The other me said...

Me and Johnny Depp both! Hooray you made me laugh, thankyou!

 
Blogger whfropera said...

I had a dream about Johnny Depp last night, but he didn't say that...

 
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Pfft. Donald Rumsfield... what does he know?

(Love you, Soos...)

 
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

My favorite Ozzy quote is "Dammit Sharon! I'm the f***ing Prince of Darkness! I can't have f***ing bubbles!"

 
Blogger Susie said...

sandi, that does sound like a presidential mind at work, doesn't it?

squirl, making you laugh does my heart good :) I love you right back.

t.o.m., now I see what you're up to; you're all about the mystique ;)

operagirl, did he mention ME?

ck, that is a great Ozzy quote. If I had a nickel for every time Jif has said that around here... I'd have purty much what I have right now.

 
Anonymous Daphne said...

Hi Susie -- I am always so amazed by your humor and spirit. You really make me laugh and smile.

xo

 
Blogger little sister said...

Your humor is remarkable in these circumstances. btw, I LOVE the Angelina Jolie quote....however, both the scar on my chin and the scar on my forehead are not sexy, though they both indicate a mistakes I made that led to messes ;)

 


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