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Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Space Case

This week, during our nightly small talk:

Susie: So did you see about the astronauts trying to kill each other!?

Jif: She didn't actually kill her. The woman was trying to steal her man, what was she supposed to do?

Susie: She drove across the country in a diaper!

Jif: If someone were trying to steal me, wouldn't you drive across the country in a diaper?

Susie: Oh, sure . . . and if someone were trying to steal me, would you drive across the country in a diaper?

Jif: If someone were trying to steal you, I would drive across the country with a diaper on my head!

OK, I have no idea what that means, but it cracked me up then, and it still does.

But really. Did you ever in your life? Let's break this down:

1. "I want you so much that I will kill anyone who tries to keep you from me." Many people may have this as a fleeting thought. A number of people actually act on such a thought. (Yes, I said "actually act." You wanna make something of it? Don't make me put a diaper on my head and come after you . . . ) And almost all of us can understand the sentiment, having had a sliver of such an emotion, on some level at some time in life. But then there's:

2. "I want you so much that I will drive across the country in a diaper to shoot an astronaut with a BB gun, to keep her away from you!" I think even the people who are doing time for actually acting on #1 (above) are looking at this story and scratching their heads. I mean, that has to be a rather unique state of mind, wouldn't you say?

file under: &Family &Can't Make This Stuff Up &I'm Just Sayin'

22 heads are better than one . . .

Blogger eclectic said...

The diaper is just so oddly out of place, not to imply that there is a "normal" for the remainder of the scenario, just, well... yeah, the diaper part really makes it weird. Er. Weirder.

Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

I could've gone the rest of my life without knowing astronauts wear diapers during takeoff and landing.

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

I mean, that has to be a rather unique state of mind, wouldn't you say?

Good God. Let's hope so.

Blogger Susie said...

They started during the House Hotting, and they're still here: the Google ads asking, "Are you bipolar?"

eclectic, that is certainly what caught my attention. Apparently that woman grew up in this area, so it's on the news all the time here now.

bucky, that's what I'm talking about. Leave a little mystique, please!

ck, it reminds me of the story I posted here a while back about the therapist gone wild. Every now and then, someone who has otherwise been an exemplary citizen, just goes plum apeshit! Could it happen to any of us? hmmm...

Blogger WILLIAM said...

"that has to be a rather unique state of mind, wouldn't you say?"

To answer your question--Depends.

Depends--get it? God I kill me.:)

Blogger No_Newz said...

Oh late to the gate and someone steals my depends comment. (pouting)
There is just no way on Earth or any other planet for that matter.

Blogger Squirl said...

I wouldn't think of violence anyway. Too messy, too much work, and too much chance to get caught.

That being said, this one really fits your blog title, What Was I Thinking?.

Anonymous Sharkey said...

The thing that kills me is that she must have gone through all kinds of psychological evaluations in order to become an astronaut--how did she/this slip through?

Maybe it was caused by the lack of oxygen in space.

Blogger Susie said...

william, you kill me, too. Are you on some really good cold meds? I love a man with a dozen donuts and a bad pun ;)

loislane, that william is just too quick. But you raise an interesting possibility -- perhaps this is acceptable behavior in one of the other galaxies she's been to ...

squirl, yep, what indeed. And you have a point; I would be far too lazy to get violent over love. Romantic love, that is.

shawkey, that is true; I'm sure they test the heck out of them to make sure they won't crack under such unusual conditions. But that doesn't mean they won't crack under matters of the heart, I guess. And you may have just hit upon what she'll use as her defense ;)

Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

You know, if the dude WAS cheating on her, she should be glad to get rid of him. That type of situation isn't worth the time of day much less a nice, warm and moist drive cross-country.

She's a Space Cadet, what do you expect?


I started out trying to come up with a thoughtful response to your question, Susie. But then the topic of diapers on heads came up and now I'm beset by images (plural thanks to Flickr) of Bucky with her underwear, plastic bags, and probably Alcazar's tie on her head, and well...it didn't happen.

Anonymous LadyBug said...

I kept my eye on that story yesterday, and told Deputy Dad about it last night. It has to be one of the most bizarre news stories I've ever seen.

Deputy Dad's comment? "And they let her go in SPACE?!?"

Anonymous platypus said...

It's all over the news here too - totally weird!

My sister told me tonight that one of her friends worked for a long time last year on an event for 3 astronauts who came to visit her University and she was one of them. Apparently she wasn't in nappy-wearing mode at that point and seemed perfectly nice and sane! :)

Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

This particular astro-nut must have must have picked up some form of space illness during her stay on the space station. You know the kind of illness: like in the movie Alien.

Blogger Nina said...

Now I know how to make it to Phoenix and save an hour. :P No bathroom breaks . . .
So I asked John would you drive across the country with a diaper on your head to save me? What, he asked. Well Susie's husband said he would to save her.
John, said it "depends" on if it is clean or dirty.
Unique state of mind indeed.

Blogger eclectic said...

Mr. Eclectic states unequivocally that he will wear a diaper on his head to save me IF, and ONLY IF, the diaper is dry, AND, an insane astronaut is trying to kill me. Those are the conditions. I thought you'd want to know.

Blogger Susie said...

mrB, yet another bizarre part is, she is married, and the guy she didn't want the other woman to have isn't even her boyfriend. You with me? I mean, the whole thing seems to be mostly in her head. And her diaper.

htgt, you are so right; Bucky could do a very fine photo essay depicting these events :)

ladybug, or one might ask, "They let her come BACK?!"

platy, hee, you said nappy :) I think part of what intrigues me about stories like this (well, not EXACTLY like this, because really, I NEVER) but when the really respectable go really wacky. I'm sure she has always looked really good on the outside. You don't get to drive one of them thar rocket ships if you are obviously in outer space (before takeoff). Just fascinating human behavior.

ssnick, astro-nut :) You can join Shawkey on the defense team.

nina, why do I fear that any day Dr. John is going to ground you from coming here? You go back to him with the wackiest questions, and let's face it, the man knows from wacky! I'm glad he lets you play here ;)

eclectic, now between you and Nina, I feel I must ask Jif if he'd like to add a caveat to his declaration! And tell Mr. E to put that diaper on his head right now, because really, how do we KNOW there isn't an insane astronut stalking you right this minute? Hmm?

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

I knew better than to ask Hubby if he would drive cross-country wearing a diaper on his head to save me. He probably would ground me from coming here... and truthfully, if he said "yes", I would have to wonder about HIS mental status...

Blogger Amy said...

Oy vey the craziness...

That man of yours, he's a dedicated mutha alright.

Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

You'd THINK they would psychologically test the hell out of them but a news show I watched said they get a two hour eval when they start the NASA program and then nothing ever again.

Makes you wonder what other festering freakshows are in stressful/vital/important/life-saving/authoritative jobs out there. *shiver*

Blogger Lynn said...

Aw, a discussion about crazy turned into something romantic! Who couldn't love a man with a diaper on his head in such a scenario? My husband sometimes wears his shirts in-side-out. I don't know why. He just does. Okay, it's an attention to detail thing. He turned it right-side-out today -- just for me!! I'm not gonna ask about the diaper. I'll settle for the shirt.

Blogger Susie said...

ck, don't do anything to get grounded from here; but I'll bet Hubby would wear a diaper on his head, and are you saying that the husbands heretofore represented may have mental problems?

amy, yes, OY.

kranki, interesting. I have known some VERY crazy Secret Service and FBI types. Not enough testing, I guess. Although, bright, crazy people can get around the testing easily enough. I mean, they gave me a therapist's license, didn't they? MWAHHAHAHAHAAA!

lynn, see, I didn't even realize we had gone from crazy to romantic. Funny how often that's not such a long distance to travel ;) And of course now I'm wondering why the hell he wears his shirts that way! But you're right; if he's prone to the unusual in dress anyway, you probably don't want to plant that diaper seed ;)


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