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Monday, January 29, 2007

A Ray of Sunlight?

The whole time I've been dealing with WTF Disease, two things have remained rather constant: I have said that I believed I was as likely to be diagnosed by a blogger as by a medical professional, and I have longed for someone to look at me as a whole, at the big picture, at my history as well as my current symptoms.

Finally, I believe there has been somewhat of a breakthrough. You may recall that recent lab reports indicate that my Vitamin D level remains curiously low. Just this morning I received an email that may shed some much-needed light on my condition. Dr. mrtl, who has been following my case for months, and who does know my background in a way that other medical professionals do not, has offered her considered opinion that my Vitamin D deficiency could be due to lack of sunlight. Of course, everyone who knows anything about Vitamin D knows that this is possible; the mystery was, how could that be, when I get about as much sunlight as any middle-aged woman in the mid-Atlantic region. Dr. mrtl may have solved this mystery, with her speculation that my gigantic ass is, in fact, blocking the sun, preventing me (and perhaps countless others on the Eastern seaboard) from experiencing its life-giving properties. If you live anywhere near my ass, you might want to get your D-level checked.

(Yes, I know that I will attract quite a circus of pervs who arrive here after searching "my gigantic ass;" but it was worth it, you know?)

OK, for real. I mean, the above is for real, that's what Dr. mrtl said. But the other doc I saw today had no clue. But she seemed smart, and kind, and she said -- wait for it -- no other doc has said this to date -- "I am going to do some research and see if I can find something that would tie all these things together. Call me on Friday." Translation: "I give a rat's ass. I'll see if I can help you." So, that's good. I'll let you know when I know something.

33 heads are better than one . . .

Anonymous sharkey said...

Didja get the doc's email address? Because you should totally send her a rat's ass badge. Or maybe you could print one out and make one of those photo buttons that people have of their kids, and then give it to her at your next appointment.

I think that George Michael post was one of your best ever--leave it to mrtl to bring it up in relation to WTF.

Yay for the new doc. I told you it would take a woman!

 
Blogger lawyerchik said...

WHOO-HOO for the new doctor!! :) Here's hoping she finds something that works!! And BTW, if the lack of sunshine around here IS because of your gigantic ass, you will have people to answer to, missy!! ;)

 
Blogger eclectic said...

Whoa. Did you just say what I think you said? A bona fide medical doctor (not a friend or relative one, y'know, a real one...) admitting that there is more information to be had out there somewhere, of which he/she is currently not in possession?! Wow! I feel like that's a victory all by itself!! Now, maybe she'll figure out why your ass is blocking the vitamin D, and all our boobs will finally have the chance to grow! Yay for D!!

(What? Like you didn't expect an ass post to lead eventually to some discussion of tits? Pfffffft!)

 
Anonymous kalki said...

Well, that explains the shadow.

There's been an odd smell lurking around our house for days, but I won't be so rude as to blame that on your ass as well...

 
Blogger Susie said...

shawkey, I swear, I really think she had tears in her eyes when I finished my story and got to the part where I'm not having the EMG right now because I might not want to know what it says. She was great. I just PRAY that something comes to her, something that works.
That might be my favorite post, here, too. :)

lawyerchik, Perhaps there could be a (cl)ass action suit against me ;)

eclectic, ain't it amazin'? Don't be trying for D, sis. Vitamin B is plenty, IMO.

kalki, well, that's good news, that you wouldn't be SO RUDE...

 
Blogger Annejelynn said...

YAAAAY! Hope her research proves fruitful! - um, almost came up with a good pun, but I'm no good that way...

 
Blogger Squirl said...

A (cl)ass action suit??? Bwahahahahahahahaha

That's a good one. :)

Seriously, though, I sure hope this doc will be the one to find exactly what you need. I am never going to give up hope that you beat this thing. This feels right this time.

 
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Wonder TWIN Powers...activate!! Shape of...Susie's ass!! Form of...Intergalactic Vitamin D Shield!!






What?

 
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Let's just hope that if she DOES give a rat's ass, said rat's ass is not also big enough to block out the sun.

 
Anonymous Daphne said...

This post gives me tingles, in a good way.

I need a snack and I'm going to look for something with Vitamin D for sure.

 
Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

I know how EPIC this is. Docs just never want to open up to the unknown. She sounds like a gem. Keeping all my appendages crossed for you and sending wise vibes your doctor's way too.

 
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Hello! Did someone say CIRCUS?!

I think this new doc is the one who will find out WTF is going on.

Eclectic... wait... do you mean... my boobies might someday GET BIGGER?! Wow. Hubby will be SO happy!

 
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Dear Susie, I hope that diagnosis is valid! I do so hope it’s the answer. My many prayers will have been answered.

 
Blogger mrtl said...

How fantASStic! Though you know all this doc's research is going to come to the same conclusion as mine.

 
Blogger Ern said...

NOW I get why the weather has been so weird lately! Alterations in the solar heating of the surface of the planet!

And YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY for good docs! See? A few do exist. My MIL had problems with her legs a couple of years ago that degenerated for 7 months until she could barely walk. She was finally diagnosed by a family practice doc - an empathetic woman who was willing to look over all of her records from her nine previous doctors. Today she climbed out of the back seat of our two-door focus with no problems at all.

HOPE. (And hugs!)

 
Blogger Lynn said...

Susie, I'm quite certain your ass can't block the sun all the way down here in Florida... maybe it's my head. Good thing I have a shrink.

Hey, I just thought of something. Remember the CNP's? The C being for calcified. Would it take an *ass-load* of D to calcify nanoparticles? A combination of tetracyclene and EDTA chelation have been used sucessfully in busting up those little buggers and flushing them out of the body. Maybe the new doctor would be open to hearing about unusual theories?

 
Blogger WILLIAM said...

Susie, Call Al Gore and Offer your ass up as the cure for global warming.

 
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Susie - go on and do as William advises, but be careful old Al doesn't try to take credit for your ass...

 
Anonymous peaches said...

Hmm, does your ass cover Michigan also? Winters here are dark and gloomy. Yuck.


All kidding aside, I'm so VERY glad that someone, a real Doctor someone, is doing SOMETHING!!!! YEAH!

Prayers still being sent, and it's looking like there are some answers coming your way.

 
Blogger Effie said...

Mom has been going through a heck of a lot to see docs and figure out what she has too and after hearing of someone else who just found out they had an anneurism, Mom said:
"Well, I suppose what I have isn't life-threatening, just life-annoying!"

I'm SOOO glad that you found a REAL doc--maybe she's been following your blog all along??

And as for your ass covering the sun--you'd still be getting Vitamin D then, though, just all in yer BUTT! Teehee!

 
Blogger Nina said...

Well, I am thinking a trip to AZ is in the works. We can hang you upside down and rotate you so all of you can get sunshine. Just a thought . . .

Having an M.D. that will listen is a big deal. A great start and means you are halfway there. Hugs and Love!

 
Anonymous platypus said...

*shakes head* So many ass puns, I've been chuckling all day! I am so glad that you've found a doctor who is listening to you. Here's hoping that it is something like the vitamin D thing. Oh, and that your ass doesn't complicate matters... ;)

 
Blogger Susie said...

annejelynn, fruitful is a funny word, anyway :)

squirl, thank you for your optimism; I'm going to try to catch and keep it :)

mrB
Jif is looking at my comments
Me: Any new comments?
Jif: Mr.....Bloggerific....himself says that he has ... activated some sort of powers . . . in the shape of your ass . . .

PWAHAHAAA!

bucky, a rat's ass blocking the sun would not be pretty. At all.

daphne, got milk?

kranki, thanks for all the crossing, honey :)

ck, a circus of pervs. That's different from your circus. And don't get hubby's hopes up.

I gotta go. I'll talk to the rest of you people later :) xxxxxx

 
Blogger Mouse in Hiding said...

Ok so I read the whole first part of your entry thinking "OMG OMG sunlight, that's all she needs to get rid of WTF." Then you yank the rug out from under my saying its your ass hiding the sunlight - I laughed my ass off at how creative you are.

I am glad you found a doctor who gives a rat's ass.

 
Blogger Susie said...

ssnick, you mean the sun-blocking ass diagnosis? Um, OK. The Lord does work in mysterious ways. :0

mrtl, yea, who needs med school? ;)

ern, thank you for the hope and encouragement. And of course, I wonder WTF your MIL had. On Saturday, I thought my walking days were over. I really could not. I sat and cried. Sunday, better; Monday a little better, today almost normal. That's how this bizarre thing is :(

lynn, first, that's funny. Shrink. For your big head. PWAHAAAA.
Next, when the doc left the room, I asked Jif whether I should present my weird theories to her; she was a good listener, but we decided to wait and give her a little more time to know for sure that I'm not nuts, before I appear to be nuts. I mean, I don't think the CNPS theory is nuts, but so far, the docs do.

william, Al Gore and my ass had a falling out a few years back.

ck, see, that was part of the problem . . . you'd think he invented it or something . . .

peaches, you are in my prayers, too.

effie, first, God bless your mom; I know how frustrated she must be. I completely understand her perspective. I wish someone would definitively give me a life-annoying diagnosis.
I cannot get Vitamin D in my butt unless I go around outside pants-free. And I hardly EVER do that!

nina, hang me upside down and rotate me, eh? I feel the need to pray the rotisserie . . .

platy, you're too late, my dear. My ass has complicated matters for yeeeeeears...

mouseinhiding, welcome. Glad you laughed your little mouse tail off ;)

 
Anonymous LadyBug said...

Oh, fer goodness sakes', Susie! You had me all pumped up there, thinking you had a medical breakthrough...my heart started racing, I was reading faster and faster, trying to get to the part where you told us you had found out what the problem was and - more importantly - how to fix it, and then BAM! You pulled the rug out from under me. This day was just too stressful; I wasn't prepared to handle that.

Any other day, though, I'm sure I would've laughed my gigantic ass off. :)

 
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

What?

Al Gore fell out of your ass?

 
Blogger Susie said...

ladybug, sorry for the rug-pulling :(

bucky, did I say that? I don't think I said that at all. I can neither confirm nor deny . . . I will just say that it has been reported that Al has a short little . . . span of attention.

channeling Mary Katherine Gallagher:
The answer to that question can best be expressed in the words to a song by Mr. Paul Simon:
A man walks down the street,
He says, Why am I soft in the middle now?
Why am I soft in the middle?
The rest of my life is so hard!
I need a photo-opportunity,
I want a shot at redemption!
Don't want to end up a cartoon,
In a cartoon graveyard .....

Bonedigger, Bonedigger,
Dogs in the moonlight.
Far away, my well-lit door.
Mr. Beerbelly, Beerbelly,
Get these mutts away from me!
You know, I don't find this stuff amusing anymore ....

If you'll be my bodyguard,
I can be your long lost pal!
I can call you Betty,
And Betty, when you call me,
You can call me Al!

A man walks down the street,
He says, Why am I short of attention?
Got a short little span of attention,
And whoa, my nights are so long!
Where's my wife and family?
What if I die here?
Who'll be my role-model?
Now that my role-model is ....
Gone ...... gone,
He ducked back down the alley,
With some roly-poly, little bat-faced girl.
All along .... along ....
There were incidents and accidents,
There were hints and allegations .....

If you'll be my bodyguard,
I can be your long lost pal!
I can call you Betty,
And Betty, when you call me,
You can call me Al!
Call me Al ......

A man walks down the street,
It's a street in a strange world.
Maybe it's the Third World.
Maybe it's his first time around.
He doesn't speak the language,
He holds no currency.
He is a foreign man,
He is surrounded by the sound, sound ....
Cattle in the marketplace.
Scatterlings and orphanages.
He looks around, around .....
He sees angels in the architecture,
Spinning in infinity,
He says, Amen! and Hallelujah!

If you'll be my bodyguard,
I can be your long lost pal!
I can call you Betty,
And Betty, when you call me,
You can call me Al!
You can call me Al ......

SUPAHSTAH!!!!

 
Blogger Naomi said...

Hey Al, Betty here

Glad to see you're getting somewhere! Hugs to you, here's hoping that a diagnosis and a solution/treatment can be found (that would make soooo many people much happier!)

Wear black pants--umm...soaks in the sun's warmth (not the vit d though....hmm...) I know-- go outside and in your all bundled up state, turn the 1 inch square section of uncovered skin to the sun...heehee..that's what it has been like around here! In the -ves in Fahrenheit. Chilly!

 
Blogger Susie said...

naomi, you remind me of a medical type question that I always wonder about. If we are all slathered up with sunscreen, as we are all always supposed to be, does THAT prevent the Vitamin D from getting in? Inquiring minds want to know, so if any medical types read this and would care to opine . . .

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahhh..what a happy ending.
Funny bitches.

 
Blogger sometrouble said...

Susie, that's awesome! I really hope she comes up with A LOT of answers for you! I will be praying for not only some answers, but some relief for you!

...hmmm, now I know why it has been so shady around here lately...

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I happened upon WTF today and didn't read back to all of your older posts. I know that MS has been linked to vit D deficiencies (and more northern latitudes) and it's symptoms manifest in a million and one unpredictable ways...My thoughts are with you!

 


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