Where to begin...? Alright, and the last shall be first: 1) the Leg-hair test for depression in women is deadly accurate, in my far-less-than-professional opinion; 2) blogging ABSOLUTELY is a major cause of spillage on all manner of computer equipment and accoutrements. This is empirically established, since I do NOT have WTF (that I know of yet), and still, I spill a multitude of things while blogging; 3) "Mother" should only be uttered when reading that book by P.D. Eastman, "Are you my mother?"; and 4) Sabotaging one's spouse with mini-oreos is completely outside the spouse-rules. He now owes you something.

The leg-hair test is absolutely accurate. I have episodes of depression (I'll never be without my pills) and during a long episode I can practically shave my leg-hair. Smooth legs = happy mood. Or is it happy mood = smooth legs? Anyway, not long enough to braid right now so life must be good.

WTF? Weird tingly feeling? Write to friend? Wholly too funny? Wiggle time fun?

I have a friend who is in her forties. Her father is "daddy" and her mother is "mother". Right away you understand a lot about her life. In your case, mother is probably temporary.

OK, I meant during a long episode I can practically braid my leg-hair.

Why is it you always see these things the second after you hit the "publish your comment" button?

Life must not be as good as I thought.

Hmmm....

I've only shaved, maybe, once since the babe was born. She's almost three weeks old (tomorrow). Taking Zoloft a week now, haven't felt that bad, but...

OH, wait, I HAVE A NEW BABY, yes indeed. It's not that I'm too depressed to shave, it's that my time in the shower is limited (if I even get a chance to make it in there), so shaving is a low priority, compared to getting the hair washed and body clean.

I think that must be it!

The SLT test is a good one. You see as a guy when I am depressed I actually Shave my legs.

OK, lets see...
-I agree, who came up with that idea of teny tiny oreo's anyway. it was a bad idea in the 1st place.
-sometimes, my butt muscle does that. it's such an odd sensation.
-i wish it were only blogging that made me spill. i'm a "dropper" anywhere, anytime on anything.
-i can go months, yes months without shaving and then all of a sudden realize that i'm quite furry(like now). so i totally agree with your last statement.

I'm a bumper - always bumping into things. and I really do think you should get a grant to do that study.

Can I be a test subject and get free waxes? Just asking, y'know...

eclectic, I especially like the part where Jif owes me something :) I shall attempt to collect forthwith (that's just for you, and your lawyer ears)

pat, weird, tingly feeling is incredibly accurate. I thought the Mother and Daddy thing is a southern thing, but I could be wrong about that. And you, dear, are not the only one who catches mistakes after hitting the publish button :)

andrea, you are temporarily exempt from the SLT. If you shower every . . . 2 to 3 days, you're good. Just for now, though. I'll check on you later ;)

william, thank you for that valuable contribution to my research (dork). Here's hoping you stay nice 'n hairy. (I don't think I've ever said that to anyone before.)

dawn, you have a twitching butt and you're a dropper? Maybe you have WTF! Or maybe I don't have anything at all!! ;) Given all that's going on here, I'd probably be a lot furrier than I am this winter if I didn't have to get nekkid for strange medical types so frequently.

operagirl, I'm a bumper, too! You spillers, droppers, bumpers, twitchers are making me feel quite normal!
I still have to work out the official research protocol. I'll see if we can work waxing into the deal. :)

I also like Queen Latifah. I'm not sure what I'll call her when we meet...I'm sure she's trying to figure out what to call me..Pink? Rev? Pastor Pink? Tania? Queen High Goddess of all things Naughty?

I've been thinking why my waistband keeps getting tighter even though christmas is over :(

WTF:
What's That Feeling?
Weird Things Found
or (I prefer this one for explaining it):
Who's/What's That Fiend?

"Mother" vs. "Mama, Mom, Mommy": I think that's kid-speak for the equivalent of parents calling kids by their full names, middle names included. She's either got something serious to say, or she's trying to establish a grown-up dialogue where her bit is just as important as your bit.

My comments sometimes go into a black hole, too. I take that as a sign that I have maybe been too verbose. Or the Powers that Be think so, anyway.

Wheres The Fun?
cause hey, who the hell wants it if it ain't fun?

Mother was used (by me) when I was annoyed... might wanta check into it.

Leg Hair - please please please let me be part of the study!! (I've noticed this about myself) So I know your on to something.

Oreo's are to be eaten by the bag.. I don't care what size they are! LOL

Am I going to be the only exception on the leg hair here? I'm just freakin' lazy. If it doesn't show, why shave it? In the summertime I will shave, as I won't wear shorts otherwise. But, in the winter I only wear long pants, so I just don't bother.

You talked about the twitching muscles and all I could think about is eye twitches. I get those more regularly than I'd like. They suck. Sometimes my leg muscles twitch when I'm trying to go to sleep. I've never kicked him too hard yet, though. :D

1. mmmm. oreos. Oreos sound really good right now. Almost to the point of dispatching the husband to the store.
2. I love the idea of the SLT. I started a swimming class last week with Emily and had to do quite a bit of hair removal so that I was presentable in a swimsuit. But I haven't been depressed recently, it's just winter and I'm lazy.
3. I am a dropper and bumper, but not usually while blogging. I drop and bump because I am trying to do something too quickly.
4. I only think of my mom as "Mother" when I am upset with her about something. When my daughter was born, I was dead set against being called Mama (to the point that I yelled at people who called me Mama) and now that Emily is talking and calling me Mama, I kind of like it. Funny how those things change.

OH! R.E.O.!! As in, you know, Speedwagon and Riding the Storm Out.

Oh, and I ain't been thinkin' nuttin'. Hurts.

Very interesting thoughts. I can never stop at just one yummy thing so I have to play hardball with myself and just not buy the damned things. The leg shaving thing is right on the money. My barometer for mood are my eyebrows. The shaggier they are the more bummed I am. I have also noticed when I am depressed I often forget to put on make-up. I don't think I have worn full make-up more than half a dozen times since my cancer diagnosis. And since my recent surgery if my latissimus dorsi muscle twitches that means my boob starts jumping around. Cool.

Oh yeah. I have had angry emails disappear on me as well and I always take it as a sign that I should send such stuff. While annoying at the time it really is a true gift.

The shaved leg test for depression in women has reminded me that I need to iron a pair of pants for work tomorrow.

One should never drink and blog, for lots of reasons. Me an' Jesus, we're tight... and I drink, but perhaps not as much as I should.

WTF = Where's the fudge?

Great. Now I'm thinking about hot fudge sundaes... or maybe cocoa -- do we have marshmallows? Hmm... I'll hafta go check...

Okay, now I have to 'fess up that I have never shaved my legs. I have no need to, since hair does not grow on my legs. This is a genetic condition, coming from my mother and her side of the family. A girl cousin and one of my sisters also do not have to shave their legs.
Therefore, I cannot value leg hair as an accurate measure for depression.

I don't eat Oreos cookies, of any size. When I was a sophomore in high school, I cracked black walnuts because my mother was baking cookies. Black walnuts have very hard shells and very small meats.
Sure enough, Mom baked cookies in the morning, then went to work.
When I got home from school, there was a platter of cookies sealed up in plastic wrap tighter than a bank safe. A note was leaning against them saying Soenso would be picking it up to take to a church function. We children home from school could have what was in the cookie jar.
Inside was Oreos. All the homemade, chocolate chipsters, which I had contributed a very tasty item, were going out.
An Oreo cookie has not tasted good to me ever since.

If you could rent out LG for those of us who need a jolt of cuteness, you would never need a winning lottery ticket. Evaluation forms about the dog have me in stitches.

I can identify with the Oreo over-consumption. I can really identify with it. Of course, you did gobble them with milk, didn’t you? That makes the feast healthy.

That twitching seems to happen only in my eye, which I can’t see unless I’m looking in a mirror which I generally ain’t.

Momma has always been reserved for those time when, not matter what our age, we cry out for our mother’s protecting arms.

Do you think it many have been divine intervention that snapped away that angry, venting email?

WTF (could) = “Where’s the Fun” Of course, it might not.

I never spill red wine when blogging. Of course, Alex has spilled Dr. Pepper on my computer, which serves me right for drinking anything while blogging.

I agree with the SLT test. There is also the WDYLUD test: When Did You Last Use Deodorant.

I’ve enjoyed this, Susie. It kind of awakened by writing muse.

I have a couple to try:
When's
This
Finished

would be a good one.

Weary
Throat
Feeling

might come in third, but I like the Weird Tingly Feeling one that Pat suggested. :o)

revpink, I am sure the Queen is carefully considering what to call you. My waistbands are being challenged, too. For about 3 days, I've been in a feeding frenzy. I do not know why this is, but I hope it passes soon!

ortizzle, all those WTFs work. I think LG is trying on the "mature conversation" approach when she calls me Mother. It's hard for her to pull that off, though, because of the cheeks. She still has the baby cheeks that must be squished. That has happened to me with long, opinionated comments, too. My guardian (word) angel looking out for me, I guess.

kybrat, OK, I'll put you down as a leg hair subject ;) Oreos by the bag . . . you're talking about heaven, now. And Where's The Fun, indeed!

squirl, see, that is a variable that would have to be taken into account. There are times, in the winter, when it is more a matter of laziness than of depression.
Do you have Restless Leg Syndrome? They have a name for every freakin' ailment under the sun, except MINE! I mean, no names that I LIKE.

erin, yes, the winter/lazy thing seems to keep coming up. And the way your own baby says "Mama" makes it a very lovely word indeed :)

mrB, now you did it. You say Oh REO, and I say:

JUNGLE LOVE!
Oh-wee-oh-wee-oh

I - I've been watching U
I think I wanna know ya (know ya)
Said I, I'm a little dangerous
Girl, I'd love 2 show ya (show ya)

My jungle love, yeah
I think I wanna know ya (know ya)
Jungle love
Girl, I'd love 2 show ya (show ya)

kranki, yea, it's tougher with a kid and a giant married kid in the house. The eyebrow thing, yes, that happens here, too. I should include eyebrows in the study.
Your boob jumps around? At least you could make some money with your twitches. Put it on You Tube for us? Mine aren't a bit entertaining :(
I am sure you are right that disappeared emails, comments, even text messages, are divine intervention. Gifts.

ck, because you haven't shaved your legs and can't wear a skirt? Tights are good for that. We have little marshmallows, but no whipped cream. I like that in my cocoa. Feeding frenzy, here.

mrsDoF, that is one genetic condition I would LOVE to have. So you have no little scars from nicks, no bikini area razor burn, no husband fearful of being porcupined? Wow. Lucky.
That is a sad cookie tale.
And LG and the dog are often quite amusing.

ssnick, I didn't even do milk, not with the little ones. I would with the big ones, though. See, the little ones are just wrong any way you look at it.
I like the WDYLUD test. You might be onto something, there :)
I am glad your muse may have been awakened here. I love that about blogging. Reading others' and even commenting often reminds me of something to say, even when I thought I had nothing to say. (And of course, many would say that I STILL have nothing to say, even when I think otherwise ;)

MoDis, THAT one: When's This Finished? is something I ask/say almost every day in some form. Tonight it was, "OK, I'm ready to be well now..." Some day.

I don't have anything for WTF, but my fav is PITA...pain in the ass!!! My kids still haven't caught on :-)

My weakness is BY FAR Chips Ahoy in milk, and I eat them with a spoon so my fingers don't get wet. Yup, I'm retarded! Would that be a WTF moment?

I thought leg-hair levels were more a gauge of horniness. As in...more than 1/4 inch = "don't even think about it"; freshly shaven = "rock my world, baby."

WTF = What the Frick? Very, very close to the actual meaning, without crossing into rhymes-with-truck territory.

Leg hair, absolutely sign of depression, horny level AND too many children under 6.
WE have neither Ellen OR Mini Oreos, my leg hair is tripping me up.
WTF...hmmmm 'Well THATS Funny', said in a sarcastic tone because it isn't at all, is it?
I want to spill all on my blog and do indeed tell quite a lot but am always aware that my mum reads and she is such a lady.

I haven't shaved my legs since January 2, and that's only because I thought I had a gyno appt the next day.

Damn it, am I depressed and the only one who doesn't know it? I thought things were going so good now!

Well that explains why I haven't shaved my legs this week. As for the spilling thing and blogging, if you could see my computer area right now, you'd know without question how true that is! I tell my daughters not to call me Mother because I hate it. And WTF means Wild Toes & Feet...or Well That's Funny...or Wow, Totally Fantastic...perhaps Wednesday, Thursday, Friday...hmmm...what else?

I am an all or nothing kinda girl when it comes to Oreos and other things..don't show me the box and expect me to take just two..don't even ask to share my skittles...I don't buy that stuff 'cuz I turn into a card carrying Seven Deadly Sins poster child.On twitches..my left eye can throw down a serious twitch every so often...very Cruella De Vil.. I sound like someone you wanna know better, no?.. :) On a better note, I believe in miracles, the disappearing venting email hath been removed from my screen, too...Jesus take the wheel, or the keyboard in my case...gotta split..time to shave the forest on my legs...being here has improved my mood.I shall enjoy my new Daisy shaver...I've been saving it for a special occassion...thanks for the giggles!

Thanks for sharing those musings! The LG thing will pass. It's horrible but I went through it a couple of years ago with Stumpy and the other commenter was right, it's an attempt to be more mature...

Well THAT's Funny is the best one I've read so far! Very good, because it's so not and LG will like sarcasm... My Stumpy got big on that round about the same time she stopped called me 'Mummy'.

I love Oreos and am only prevented from eating all of them on the grounds that they are hard to find here. Well, the mini ones are. You go for it!

Oh and the leg-hair thing - spot on. Unless it's winter and you;re single because then there's not really any point... ;)

FYI (and maybe TMI) my leg hair is now past the shaveable length. It gets that way when you don't shave for a few months, if you can't see your legs (or reach them) why bother shaving them, I thought. Well, since I can SEE them now, I tried to shave, and it wasn't a pretty picture. I clogged that razor good. How many blades must I go through, I ask?! I may just break down and use those cold wax-strips in the cupboard...

Otherwise the SLT would usually be a good indication.

And the only embarrassing number of Oreos that you could eat would be one less than the whole bag. If you left one then people could blame you for eating the rest of them. If you ate the WHOLE bag you could deny their existence. If you left more than one, nobody could say you ate them ALL!

And WTF must mean Where's The Fudge, because since CK said it, I NEED fudge!

Hugs to you my friend! BTW--how's your leg-hair growth??!!

Here's a baby-hug from my little girl--that'll cure anything for a minute or two!

In the winter I am lazy. That's the reason I don't shave, that's all. They don't show, why bother? :)

Yes, I have RLS, but it's self-diagnosed. The commercials have the symptoms down to a T. It really does make it hard to sleep at night.

What you have? I want to name it healed.

arlene, I am a very tolerant person, but cookies with a spoon? That is just beyond the beyond... ;)

ladybug, ohmygoodness, where to start? I really can't start or I wouldn't stop . . . OK, I am not going to do a "horniness test" research project. However, if I were . . . I'm trying to think . . . it's not so much that the shaving of the legs indicates that; it's more that if the legs ARE shaved, it's a shame for that to go to waste. You follow? And then, I know some people say (not me, but some), "I shaved my legs for THIS?"
Frick is a little too close for comfort; I don't want LG going around fricking things; and she would, given half a chance.

t.o.m., oh, you are so delightful. Yes, the little kids thing is a hair factor, too.
Without Ellen or little Oreos, it is no wonder you're tripping over your leg hair!
LG will appreciate an entre to using sarcasm. Well THAT'S Funny.

umutha, things ARE good, it's just that your legs are hairy. GOOD 'n hairy. (Wasn't there a candy like that?)

traci, I hope you feel like being a shaver soon. And I wish WTF only showed up on Wed., Th, Fri. That would be nice :)

elizabeth, thank you for cracking me up. Jesus, take the keyboard! Where were you all the times I shoulda said THAT prayer!? That's my new favorite prayer. That needs to be a song parody.

platy, if you want the hook-up on the mini Oreos, just say the word, and I'll send them flying over there :)

littlemama, oh, honey, if I had only KNOWN! Next time, you get your husband to shave your legs for you! I figured that out very late in the pregnancy, but if I had been able to do it a second time, I would have had him start right away. Men don't mind; they're very experienced shavers (men, if you mind, just shut up about it).
You sound like you've put a little too much thought into the Oreo thing. I like it.
To answer you question, I had to stop and pull up my pant leg. Truth be told, it's looking like I might be a tad sad. Better whip out the Venus. I said VENUS.
Thanks for the baby hug :)

squirl, do you think you would try those RLS meds, or do the side effects sound worse than the problem?
I want to call it healed, too, my sister. New doc on Monday. Praying she has some answers. xxx

i agree with the hair thing too...I go a while without shaving them...for lack of motivation...probably coming from a down mood. Then I get the urge to shave...and it makes me feel better...and happy...and sexy...or maybe feeling those things make me want to shave. Or maybe its a cycle. It is true though!

- Oreos are never permitted in the house - ever. Have enough issues with weight as it is; don't need a huge conflagration of residual lapsed-Catholic guilt (the gift that keeps on giving) and free-floating self-hatred on top of it! Oreos are, however, permitted at the beach...beaches nullify Oreo calories. At least that's what I tell myself.
- Twitching eyes (from work stress), thumb and pinky fingers.
- WTF? Why, "where're the Fritos", of course!
- In spite of full-blown middle-age, I still delight in calling my mother "Mommy". Makes me feel deliciously young. Variants: "Mamacita", as well as "Muhmai" (sp?), a holdover from a childhood in Brazil. She's a fierce little Italian lady, so I would only ever say "Mother" in jest.
- I've also been pondering about whether or not I'll be arrested this Saturday when the Cap'n and I go marchin' on the Mall; how I really don't want Jane Fonda there, even tho' she has every right to be there; about Bucky and Jesus hanging out at the bar; and how sorry I am that Biscuit didn't cut it in chorus (guess that's part of being a VBD.)

New doc on Monday? Yahoo! Hey, that means you'll have to shave, and it's a shame for that to go to waste, and Jif DOES owe you something for sabotaging you with the mini-Oreos, so... by Tuesday, you could be in a very, very good mood. ;) Of course, the best result will be when she tells you that she can solve the Vit. D mystery, AND that solving it is likely to reduce WTF to a little pathetic, "Whiney, Tiny, Flop"!

Susie, forgive me for hijacking your comments here for a moment...

Eclectic, this may be the hot cocoa talking, but damn girl... I love the way your mind works. ;D

Oh, most definitely, and plausibly, for LG's sake (after all, she's pretty bright):

WTF=
"What's the Fix"
or maybe
"Where's the Fix"

Love your writing, Susie! I'm a regular lurker, although I don't always comment. By the way, you're the most thoughtful and consistent comment-responder I've ever seen.

What about shaved/unshaven legs AND underarms as an indicator? Then you could call it the Shaved Legs/Underarms Test: SLUT.

(so much for my brief stint as the classy sister)

sometrouble, yes, that may be a chicken/egg thing. Although I think it's true that forcing ourselves to do self-caring things can lift our moods, even when we don't expect it to.

htgt, that's a lot of thinking you've got there. I agree, the beach sucks the calories right out of many foods. When we go to the beach, breakfast is Cap'n Crunch with Crunchberries (a healthy fruit), and that is the ONLY time we ever buy that. And we have one dinner of Sloppy Joes, macaroni salad and all the potato chips we can eat. Again, the beach effect is at play :) I thought we were the only ones who knew this dietary truth!

eclectic, thank you for scheduling my sex life; that is most helpful.
I would SO love for WTF to flop.

ck, eclectic's mind is a marvel, indeed. That's marvel with a V. It's not a marble. Although I'm sure it's very pretty.

kimS, I'm liking Where's The Fix? Thank you for being here. You say "thoughtful and consistent"; some would say "compulsive" ;)

bucky, clearly, you must be my research assistant on the SLUT project.

(yea, but it was a thang of beauty while it lasted ;)

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And you know what I just thought of? I could buy vanilla frosting and mini oreos and grind up the mini oreos and mix them into the vanilla frosting (if I can't find Oreo frosting) and I could MAKE some brownies or chocolate cake this weekend! Mmmm. That sounds good to me. Like I-could-eat-the-whole-pan-of-brownies-in-one-sitting good.

ck, wow. Your mind is AWESOME. And your idea makes me think of faux toffee. (I don't know why.) I love that stuff. Saltines, buttah, brown sugar, chocolate chips (melted). BAM! Crunchy toffee. I must still be in a feeding frenzy :(

Okay, how about "where's the fix" ? To Susie the most deserving for a fix. God does recognize you as deserving, He told me! Healing thoughts and Prayers going your way, Donna

Hi, Susie, I've been thinking, too. I think there is no such thing as an embarrassing number of oreos -- I mean, they're made of chocolate, right? About the shaved leg test. If my legs are shaved, everything else on the bod is looking pretty good, too (which means my house is messy, because I've spent all my spare time on myself). When I start looking a little ragged, it just means the house is clean. I'm in transition mode right now. The legs are slightly stubbly and the house is cleaner today than it was yesterday :-)

Love ya, my fellow spiller. So, we're both a little clumsy. I'm trying to think of it as an interesting character trait. I'll let you know how I make out with that.

That is a heck of a lot of stuff to be thinking about. This wasn't all in one sitting was it? That could be dangerous to one's mind. I'm just sayin'. ;)
I wonder what it means if you can braid the leg hair... I wouldn't know. I was asking for a friend. Yeah, that's it, a friend.
Has Biscuit learned to sing yet?
Mini anything is wonderful. Why is that? Now you got me thinking. Thanks a lot pal!
P.S. WTF stands for Where's the filling, like in the Twikie commercial.

donna, He told you? Well that's reassuring. Uh . . . did He happen to mention WHEN? ;)

lynn, ain't that just the way? Clean the bedroom or do the home microdermabrasion? Such is life.

loislane, oh, you are very smart. No, I could not think all of those things in one round of thinking. It has been established by medical professionals that my brain is unremarkable :) Braids are very fashionable; and I've never heard anyone add "only on the head" to that. Biscuit never did learn to sing, nor did he ever learn to pay attention. Where's the filling? It would be sweet indeed if this mofo turns out to be cream-filled, somehow.

Oh, don't EVEN get me going on "cream filled"...

I stopped by looking for a piece of sanity tonight. Hi honey.

bucky, thought I could slide that one past you. Let me amend it to, "I hope when we get to the bottom (middle) of all this, there is something sweet to be found there." Ahem.

traci, I'm not so sure how much of that we have here, but you're welcome to anything you can use. xxx

Aren't Oreos anti-depressants? That's what I use them for. Mental health food. I had cabbage for a snack today. Life is good.

Sheez ... I could have had Oreos! That's depressing.

you are hilarious. NEVER let it be said that you lost your sense of humor during the WTF phase.