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Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Glad We Cleared THAT Up!

(a theological discussion of intercessory prayer)

I was telling Jif about what I'd seen on "Ellen" one day last week (btw, Ellen is the best anti-depressant I've encountered). There was this 88-year-old woman, Gladys, that Ellen called on the telephone, and Gladys says, among other things, "Listen, I'll be honest with you, I love Jesus, but I drink a little . . ."

Jif: See, that's just like me. I love Jesus, but I drink a little, too.

Susie laughs

Jif: And Jesus loves ME. This I know . . .

Susie: Yea, Jesus loves you. But I'm His favorite.

Jif: I . . . don't think so. In fact, the last time I talked to Him, He didn't even know who you were . . .

Susie: Oh, yea? Well . . . well . . . DAMN! That would certainly explain a LOT! DID YOU AT LEAST POINT ME OUT TO HIM?!

Jif: Yea. I did.

Susie: Well. Now maybe we'll get somewhere . . .

Seems we had a bit of a failure to communicate there, Ratsasstafarians. Now we should be OK. Keep praying.

(And if you didn't hear Gladys on Ellen, go there now. I promise you'll laugh.)

file under: &Family &WTF Disease &Sharing

29 heads are better than one . . .

Anonymous LadyBug said...


I do believe Gladys made Texas proud. Hee.

And, of course, I couldn't help noting how she "love[s] the ladybugs". :)

Thanks for sharing that link, Susie. That was hilarious. Love and prayers, my friend.

Blogger eclectic said...

HA! You shoulda quoted Phil Collins (and Genesis) to him: "Jesus, he knows me, and he knows I'm right. I been talking to Jesus, all my life." I mean, Genesis is in the Bible, right? So it's gotta be true.

Blogger The other me said...

I loved that! Glorious Gladys!! Thankyou so much for sharing that clip with an Englandian that would never have seen it otherwise.

Anonymous Sharkey said...

How could Jesus not know who you were??? I've been talking to him about your for months and months.

Blogger MrsDoF said...

Laughing like I haven't done so for ages.
Thanks for the link to Ellen and Gladys.

And tell Jif he's not the only one pointing you out for Jesus.
~`love and Huggs, Diane

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know he knows who you are cause I've been talking to him about you for quite a while now. He knows you are deserving of the best. Thanks for the link, Gladys is wonderful! Donna

Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

I think I need to go have a drink with Gladys, though I'd probably need to be proactive and wear some Depends, as I'm sure she'd make me pee from excessive laughter.

Maybe Jesus is confused, as I always call you "Gumby Susie" when we talk. Perhaps he thinks you're green with an oddly angled head.

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

OH, trust me... Jesus knew who you were, He was just funnin with Jif. ;)

Blogger Arlene said...

The Ellen thing was hilarious!!!

I guess I'm going to have to let Jesus know that even though I too drink a little, I still love him ;-) You guys are hilarious!

Blogger Susie said...

ladybug, everyone who's anyone loves the ladybugs ;)

eclectic, you are enrolled in the same theological seminary as William, aren't you? And you both do me (and Jesus) proud :)

t.o.m., you are most welcome. You don't get Ellen there? That's terrible.

shawkey, He knows. For reasons both good and bad, He knows just which one I am ;)

mrsDoF, thank you for continuing to point me out, and wasn't Gladys a hoot?

donna, I told you before, don't describe me as the Susie who deserves the best, or He really might not know who you mean! ;)

bucky, perhaps I AM green with an oddly angled head :)

ck, you might be right. Jesus messes with Jif a lot. He gave him me, you know?

arlene, I think maybe Jesus drinks a little, too. How else could He put up with this crew? ;)

Blogger MrsDoF said...

Of course we know that Jesus drinks, because he did turn the water into wine for a good reason, right?

I put a link to Ellen and Gladys on my blog, but forgot to give a nod to you for showing me the way.
I'm too busy now for all the typing for a code link, but do know that me and mine are really glad you were here today.

Blogger WILLIAM said...

I enjoyed the Ellen/Gladys clip. I am curious to how Jif described you to JC when he was pointing you out.

Jif walks up to the bar, where Jesus is sitting (because they love each other and they both like to drink)

JC: Jif? Jif Fairchild? What are you doing here?
Jif: Jesus! You scared me. What's up? I just finished dinner. What are you doing here?
JC: Looking for sinners.
Jif: Really? You?
JC: Not in a bad way..you know...you know What I mean. So they can repent.
JIf: OH. Gotcha. I just had dinner with my wife?
JC: You got Married?
Jif: yeah a while ago. That's my wife over there.
JC: Where?
Jif: Over in the booth. She has a a slightly angled head. Greenish in color. She is also very bendable.
JC: Where? I don't see her. Oh wait minute. Now I do. Do I know here?
Jif: you may have seen in her church.
JC: I don't think so...I would remember someone like that.
Jif: She is there every sunday.
JC: I just can't place her.
(Bucky walks up to the bar and sits down next to Jesus.)
Jif: well come over. I wil lintroduce you.
JC: Uh...No. Maybe some other time (Nods towards Bucky) I have some work to do.

Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

LOL@William's comment!
Ratsasstafarians are we. We'll keep praying for you.

Ya, mon. ;o)

Blogger MrsDoF said...

Okay, another good laugh I've had today.
The one in the middle involved wax and the bikini area. I think I'll have to e-mail it to Bucky.
Thank You! William for your great report.

Blogger Squirl said...

Wow, I got some great laughs here today. Your story with you, Jif, and Jesus. There's Gladys. And then along came William. If laughter truly is the best medicine then we all should be really healthy. :D

Anonymous Elizabeth said...

..hehe William....funny stuff..Give a girl a shout out..Jif had too many Sam Adams...and that Bucky's not much of a wing man....


Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Thanks so much for sharing the Ellen/Gladys clip. It was great. I’m still laughing!

Anonymous dawn said...

LOL-you two are funny :)

Thanks for sharing the gladys clip, too. I had to get my boyfriend to watch. She's too cute.

Happy wednesday

Blogger Susie said...

mrsDoF, yes, there is that. No worries about a link; like I said, it's like passing out a legal anti-depressant, the more who see it, the merrier :)

william :D A very authentic scenario :0 Jesus would recruit Bucky very heavily, indeed. Can you imagine if all that talent could be harnessed for GOOD? ;)

MoDis, thanks, mon :)

mrsDoF, waxing orifices closed . . . that was a very frightening email . . .

squirl, well, we are all surely healthier than if we didn't laugh; of that, I'm certain :)

elizabeth, I say this with nothing but love, William is like the idiot savant of creative blog commenting :)

ssnick, well, that does my heart good to know that you got some good medicine today :)

dawn, thanks, and happy Wednesday to you, too :)

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Wait now... are you saying there are illegal anti-depressants?! Do they work better than the legal ones? Are they covered by insurance?

Blogger Susie said...

ck, let's see . . . yes, there are illegal anti-depressants; they work MUCH better and faster than the legal ones -- at first -- but then they lead to more depression, so I don't recommend them. Nope, no insurance. Ellen is still my prescription of choice.


Hold on a sec, I have to wipe up the pineapple-orange-guava "Nantucket Nectar" that I spewed out from laughing at Gladys with Ellen...okay, that's better now.

Susie! How funny was that! Thank you for sharing the glory that is Gladys. As for Jesus' incomprehensible oversight...well, I usually talk to Buddha but I know he's in good with your guy, so I don't get it. Makes me wonder about the source of the story... ;^)

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

I loved watching Ellen when I was on leave when Buddy was born. Ellen is definitely a better anti-depressant. Do you watch her everyday?

Blogger No_Newz said...

Gladys is great! I hope to have half the spun at 88!
Prayers are still coming. I'm glad the Big Guy knows where you are now, thanks to your old man. LOL!

Blogger Effie said...


Anonymous platypus said...

What a brilliant clip! We don't get Ellen's show here, I don't think, so thanks for pointing it out!

I love Jesus but I drink a little too! ;)

Blogger Susie said...

htgt, that's a very juicy comment :)

ck, I can only imagine that Ellen would have been really good medicine for being home with a new baby. I watch every chance I get, usually once or twice a week.

loislane, yea, I think now that I've been properly identified (big sign on the top of my head, too), this will turn out fine ;) I aspire to be a Gladys, too.

littlemama, thanks for stopping in :)

platy, you all should just take to the streets in protest or something, until you get you some Ellen.

Anonymous Ortizzle said...

OMG, thank you so much for posting that link to the Gladys clip! Absolutely classic. I loved it when she said, "People will stop you for just having a little Listerine.." Gladys is one hell of an 88-year-old, and she definitely knows where it's at!

On a different note: I guarantee Jesus knows who you are, sweetie. We've been making way too much racket for him not to.

Anonymous kalki said...

Oh, that Ellen clip is fabulous. I needed to laugh today, and that sure did the trick. Thank you.


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