Shithead HAS to be one of those old joke stories, right? How could a person go through life that way, without resorting to being S. Ann Smith or something?

I just saw a card on a bulletin board and one of the daughters was named Karysma. Pronounced like "Charisma". Which I thought was just weird. And, what if she grows up to be sort of cranky? Why can't more people give their kids nice, normal names anymore, like Susie or Erin? We seem to have turned out ok!

hi,ern! So good to see you. That man is not known to be a joker, but you have a point; surely she'd know by now to at least change the spelling. I think names like Karysma are just set-ups. She'll probably have a dud personality. This makes me think of a kid I know now called "Whisper." Yep, a loud-ass kid.

All of those stories are funny. The Female thing is like that joke about the uncle naming twins....Denise and Denephew.

I've always loved Bill Cosby's skit about how, for the longest time, he thought is name was "Jesus Christ." His dad got frustrated with him one day and let loose with "Dammit! I told you..." to which Bill replied, "No, Dad. Dammit's my brother, I'm Jesus Christ..."

Our kids have normal names, and the names I use on the internet are their real life nicknames. Yet, when we want to talk about the kids, but don't want to alert the kids to the fact that we're talking about them, we use "#1, #2, and #3". Apparently, though, the kids are on to us. When you ask Buddy what his name is, he'll hold up 3 fingers. (I'll bet you thought that was gonna be another turd in church story, huh?)

i have one that is NOT apocryphal, because i went to high school with the guy. his name? jack knauff. say it out loud a few times...

william, or the twins, Pete and Repeat.

ck, my supervisor tells that her son, one of 8, always thought his name was Timmy Dammit, because that's what her husband always said to him.

andrea, trusting soul that I am (and because I've personally heard worse than this that I can't post here due to patient confidentiality), I just accepted Shithead. But your comment inspired me to check it out, and it might not be legit, see UPDATE. But then again, as I said, I've personally heard worse. Including some that suggest what your classmate, Jack, calls to mind.

Years ago I worked for children's services, and this story came to me from a co-worker from that time period. She had to talk a very young lady from naming her daughter Vagina. She heard a nurse say it during delivery and thought it was a pretty word. She had not heard the term before and did not know the meaning.

Another very young girl had twins, a boy and girl and wanted to name them Toyota Corona and Toyota Corolla.

No, she did not make this up, and neither am I.

Don't get me started on the "unique, it will make him/her an individual" spellings.

These aren't bad names but they kind of toe the line of *precious* if you know what I mean. My friend J married a woman named Charity. Her last name? Counts.

Charity Counts. Her parents named her knowing full well what her first and last names together would mean .

Again, not bad per se, but just a wee bit *cute* for my taste.

We actually DO have a Pete and Repete in town. Ikidyounot. They went to school w/my sis.
I babysat twins Denise and Dennis. What a pain. But at least they were cute. Remember Edie Murphy in Bev. Hills Cop? In the gun club w/vitamins pretending to have explosives? He wanted to earn money for his twins Monique and Unique? LOL.
And then you have George Foreman. All his kids are named George and his daughter is Georgette. My friend's brother's girlfriend named both her kids Gladys after herself because she didn't want to show favoritism. So we'd joke about him dating Gladys, Gladys and Gladys. LOL And don't even get me started on Michael Jackson - that's one dude that should not have been allowed to procreate or be anywhere near a child. IMO.

My sister-in-law named my first niece "Brookelyn Kaylene", the second one "Kaitelyn MaRee" and the third "Ashelyn Elizabeth." I promised that when the girls grew up, their auntie would give them name changes for their birthdays, if they wanted them.

Fortunately, the second niece won't have as much trouble - the wonderful nurses at the hospital when she was born "misspelled" her first name on the birth certificate, so her name is actually "Kaitlin."

It's not so much the names anymore as the spellings - but you never know anymore..... :)

barbarra, that makes me think of a woman who's often on the local news here, her name is Ragina, and it rhymes with vagina. I don't know why she doesn't just go ahead and call herself rah-jeena, I guess she doesn't mind the confusion that often occurs when she says her name.
And you would know a thing or two about having to explain/correct unusual spellings.

candace, I know someone named Precious! "Counts" is almost too cute all by itself; anything you put with it tells you that the person . . . counts. Wonder if there's anyone named "Nice Matters." heehee

babs, Those are all incredible. Dennis and Denise makes me think of the Thomas Thomas and John Johns I have known. One of each.

lawyerchik, yea, different strokes, I guess. I like old-fashioned names, classic names, and uncommon but not weird names. Of course, weird is in the ear of the hearer, I suppose. My only is Lily. Could it be more simple? Yet people misspell her name. I tell them, "just like the flower." It's amazing how many people don't know how to spell that flower.

Those stories are hilarious.

My mother-in-law was a teacher for many years (she's an administrator now), so she saw some - ahem - unique names over that time. I know there was a Rainy at one point, which...why? Why name your child after a weather condition?

My favorite awful name, though was - I kid you not - Urethra. Wow. That poor little girl.

Oh! And we know a couple who recently had a little boy and named him Draven. HUH?

I knew a young girl who went into labour having just ordered lunch at KFC, her waters broke as she asked for her soda...thebaby girl was born soon after and named Pepsi-Rae.
I also sat in a well baby clinic and listened to a mum calling her baby, ooh look baby girl....have a drink baby girl. When the nurse came out she actually called for
" BABYGIRL Smith" Now, mama was a very big lady, can you imagine if this child grows up to be 300lbs?

there was a guy at highschool named Mike Hunt--say it out loud a couple tumes. Then a girl named Amanda Lynn. And a teacher named Frank Frankolonza.

I've never heard the name Famolly (or Female) before--that's too funny!!

I had totally forgotten about a kid I went to junior high with. His name was Stone. Which could be tough on a kid anyway, but his last name? Wall. We all used to tease him that he must have a sister named Brick. (What can I say? Jr high kids are cruel.)

My good friend Joy has three sisters, Gloria, Grace and Peace. Their father is a theology professor, go figure. At least those are sweet, the Humanities prof named his son Ulysses.

Now that I think about it my sister is Saylor and my cousin is Sundai and and her nephew is Chance. Ahhh- I'm from a weird name family!

- my husband and I are in the process of deciding on a name for baby #2 (who is due in July). We frequently joke about naming the child "Cain Abel" or "David Goliath". You know, two biblical enemies forever joined in one name.

- My dad worked with someone who was named Dick Whitehead. He didn't like him so he called the guy "White Dickhead". Behind his back, I'm sure.

- I heard of a man whose last name was Dickless. Which would send me
quickly to the courthouse for a name change.

- I heard a story or joke about a lady who had twins and named them Male and Female, pronounced Molly and Femolly. And another story of a woman who named her son Nosmo King after the sign she saw while in labor that said "No Smoking".

Thanks for this post, it was a blast to read!

Andrea reminded me of a kid I went to high school with. His last name was Nie. His mother's name? Anita. Anita Nie.

And, there is a woman I work with who's name is Candy. She swears her maiden name was Barr.

I have stories, but they'll have to wait -- I'm at work! But you guys have me giggling!!

ladybug, hope Rainy's last name wasn't Day. I actually kinda like "nature" names, like Rain...but Rainy seems to have a gloomy connotation. I used to know a man called Fields. I liked that.
Urethra is wrong. Reminds me of the Seinfeld where Jerry guesses that the girl's name is Vulva.
Draven? You're draven me crazy, now.

t.o.m., I am a Coke girl m'self, but oddly enough, Pepsi-Rae sounds cute to me. Of course, KFC sounds really good right about now, too. I used to know a woman, a very large woman (I'd say 300+), called Baby. I don't know what her real name was, but for the several years I was around her family (she was the aunt of a friend, probably in her 40s at the time), I never heard her called anything but Baby or Aunt Baby. Like Baby Huey, I guess. There was a country song out at the time with the line, "Lord have mercy, baby's got her blue jeans on..." and, well . . . um, yea, I always pictured Aunt Baby in her jeans. Lord have mercy.

little mama, Amanda Lynn is kinda cute, in a precious musical way. You remind me of a story -- people keep doing that! In college, I had a work-study job at the information desk of the Student Union. One late night, while I sat there reading, some drunken athletes kept coming up to me asking me to page people (one of my responsibilities), and Mike Hunt was one of the people. Of course, I "got" it immediately, but I was bored, and they thought they were being so clever. Every time I would page Mike Hunt, or the others (I can't remember them, but they kept stepping away and thinking of other brilliant names), those guys would nearly fall out and wet themselves. And that was entertaining to me. Idiots.

ern, was it the kids or his parents who were cruel?

heartworks, I actually like Joy and her sisters' names . . . Peace, I don't think I'd do, but I really like the others. And your family doesn't have weird names. Weird . . . makes you say, "You've GOT to be kidding."

erin, you really want your child to have all that inner conflict? ;) Congratulations, and all the best to you with little . . . Mordecai Haman ;)

Your Dad's co-worker, that was just too much temptation to resist. Those remind me of Titman, the candidate I posted about here back at election time.

Thanks for sharing ;)

ck! You just reminded me of another person the college drunks had me page: Anita Dick.
Candy Barr. Get outta here. My pastor, whom I call the Rev. Dr. Fruity, her first name is Cherry. It was her mother's maiden name. She dated a guy whose last name was Diamond. I told her if she'd married him, she would have had to become an exotic dancer instead of a minister.

hi, eclectic! Did you get your cake in out of the rain yet? Email me when you get time, girl. And come back and tell us your stories. xoxox

Hi Susie, this is fun! There were two guys in my high school named Mike Roach and Steve Reefer, and they were cousins. Another student's name was Peter Lust - the poor guy was very shy and studious and I'm sure had to put up with a lot of ribald remarks! I think he became a minister...

Just this week we saw this on a work document: Latuna. WTH was her momma thinking?

A guy I worked for once upon a time was named Richard Robert and they called him "Dick Bob" just to tick him off.

My own name is messed up-do not even get me started. And my babies daddy name would make you snort. People please please make good choices when you name your children-life is hard enough without being named "Latuna."

I loved that post but my favourite name for now and evermore is that of the wonderful Flannella Jo Washington. I will name my next child Flanella Jo - regardless of whether it's a boy or a girl. :)

I remembered a couple more...

- I met two kids this morning at Waterbabies. A girl named Killian and a boy named Colston. Killian's mother was talking about how that is a boy's name and all I could think of was "that's a beer's name."

- there was a story about a boy who is blind and uses echo location to get around (which? so very cool). His mother's name was Aquanetta.

- I used to work with a guy whose name was John Johnson.

This friend of mine works for WIC and he's heard from pretty weird stuff, but my favorites that he's told me were Significance and Elegance.. twin girls. At least they should have positive self-affirmation.

But Female Smith is wow, what to say about that. Thank goodness they didn't put baby girl Smith on her bracelet.

Always good for a conversation, the odd names.

I'd heard the Male/Female story in the context of Malaysian (I think) refugees who saw the check mark on the immigration form and thought their children had been assigned these as names. In this case they were pronounced Mal-Eh and Fa-Mal-Eh. Beginning to sound like urban legend to me.

The other story I was told (I think by the same person) was of twin boys whose names were pronounced Or-An-Joo-Ees and Le-Mon-Joo-Ees. Spelled, of course, "Orange Juice" and "Lemon Juice".

Sadly, I can't remember any of the ones I actually know are true (my Mom worked as a school district administrator at one point).

OK, I'm back, but I confess I don't get the "cake in the rain" reference? I'll email after I pull the 13th birthday oatmeal scotchies out of the oven.

Story: My dad went to medical school with a classmate HONESTLY named Richard Butcher. I've met the man myself. The only salvation is that at least he did NOT become a surgeon OR a urologist.

I remembered another one I was thinking of earlier. There is a urologist around here whose name is Dr.Stop (I'm not sure of the spelling, but that's how it is pronounced). Many, many babies have been prevented by men going to see Dr.Stop for the big snip. That just cracks me up. There also is a Dr.Goh.

A fart in church? I thought I was the only one who said such things. Thank you, Susie.

Names? I knew a lady whose younger twin sisters were named Lovey and Dovey. What was that mother thinking? -- My husband's last name rhymes with jerk-off. We hyphenated our daughter's last name. I hope no kids ever call her Jerk-off Johnson. She will be heartbroken. What the hell were we thinking???

I went to college with a girl named Precious.

And, I had to sign off a parcel to a man named Ashit, no word of a lie.

gina, I went to school with people named Reefer and Roach, too; it just wasn't "official." Rev. Lust is just too funny.

deneen, your name is perfectly fine, but I am curious about your baby daddy name now ;) Poor Latuna. She could tweak it just a little bit, to LaTonya or Latana, or . . .

platy, oh, be still my heart; I fell deeply in love with Flanella Jo. I have been known to google her and go back and read the comments from when she was "there." Who the heck was she?!

erin, I know a little Killian, too. Curiously, his dad is an alcoholic. All I can think of is that he named his kid after a beer, too. It's a wonder there aren't more beer kids: Michelob, Bud Light... I have known an Aquanetta, and a John Johnston.

twixie, since you came over, I assume you forgive me for being such a HORRID neighbor and not seeing your wonderful news earlier :) I wonder if they'll be called Siggy and Ellie. Female's last name wasn't really Smith; I don't remember what it was.

jennifer, I think my friend's patient was American, which made it that much sadder that she didn't recognize the word, "female." It's really not surprising that someone unfamiliar with the language would make such a mistake. Orange Juice and Lemon Juice? Yikes.

eclectic, I'll write to you about your rainy cake ;) Doctor names are particularly disturbing, or can be. Nobody wants to go to Dr. Butcher, for sure. There is a dentist here called Dr. Bonebreak.

erin, just don't tell us that Dr. Stop and Dr. Goh are in the same practice. Maybe Dr. Goh reverses the vasectomies?

lynn, what were you thinking?! I'm sure no one will say that. If they do, they'll have you to deal with, and surely they'll be wiser than that ;)

dawn, Precious is relatively common, it seems. I met someone in a store named Mercy, which I hadn't heard before, but I thought it was pretty. May have been short for Mercedes. Ashit. Like, Ah, shit! Nice.

squirl, wait a minute now. Are you saying those names are at the company where you work, or those are the names of the "company" at your house. Because if that group is at your house tonight, I want to know just what kind of par-tay you are having there. (You didn't move into the PDBSH, did you?)

Sorry, it's from my company where I work. The company at my house is family. :)

Update to earlier comment: My mom informs me that the gentleman in question spells his name "Bucher" without the "t", and that he does, in fact, go by "Dick". Just wanted to keep the record straight.

Still, Dr. Dick Bucher?? Eeep! SOOOO good he's not a urologist!

My oldest daughter went to school with a young man named Forrest. His last name? Vines.

I knew a guy in Nevada named Mike Barf. Yea, he actually found someone to marry him and take that name!

I know I have more but I think two is plenty for tonight!

In high school, in my Yearbook class, the teacher was calling roll. At one point he stopped and said loudly, "Oh, this has *got* to be a joke!" A small female voice in the back of the room said, "No, it's not." The teacher turned very red, and went on taking roll. Her name? April Mae Schauer. (I didn't learn about the "Mae" until later.)

squirl, thank goodness! I thought you were up to monkey business there!

eclectic, he should go with boo-shay, I think.

traci, I wonder why people keep names like that, when they don't have to. I guess family loyalty.

anon, some parents are way too cute. April Schauer. Then I wonder, did it suit her? Was she fresh and light? Creative? Hmmm.

When I lived in Nova Scotia there was a guy we knew whose name was Randy Dickhout. Terrible.

And when i worked for the parking authority there was a big buzz about a new girl, her name was Candy Divine. And all the guys were dying to get a look at her. So they went down to the parking lot booth where she was working and came back VERY disappointed. She was NOT attractive AT ALL. She was sweet, though. heh.

I think her parents were Cheap trick fans. Mommas alright... Daddys alright.. They just seem a little weird.

Williams Brother

Ooooh, oooooh.... Amy just reminded me of a girl that lived across the street from me when I was little. YES, there were houses with indoor plumbing back then, thanks. Anyway, her name was Kandy. We went to school together from 5th grade through college, where she married a guy from the class ahead of us named Kurt Shugars. And yes, their kids' names all start with "K" too.

The most absurd names I can remember—and during my social work years I encountered quite a few—were twin sisters who supposedly went to high school with my cousin. I hope the story was a joke (like the Female one, which I heard many, many years ago): supposedly their last name was “Hore” and the twins were named Ima and Ura.

Goodness, I can't read the Comments right now, but this post reminds me of something Mostly Cajun (http://www.mostlycajun.com/wordpress/) does on Sundays when the new baby names are printed in their local paper. He's there every week, with commentary.

My sister graduated high school with a Thomas Thomas. Middle name Ira, for a grandpa. We never gave him anything with his initials embroidered on it.

I was in school with a girl name of Melody. Her sisters were Harmony and Lyric.

I know 3 sets of twins, who live in different states, named Bonnie and Connie.

All through grade school, with classes and ages over-lapping somewhat with my three sons, there were 3 sisters Stephanie, Melanie, and Destanie.

Oh, I worked with a girl who had a baby and named her Autumn, just because she liked that name.
Trouble is, the birth happened on March 23.
Very confusing.

amy, that was a TERRIBLE name. And poor Candy. I had, have actually, a cousin named Cookie. She was Miss Texas, back in the day. I think there is an expectation that women with delicious names will be ... delicious. Doesn't always go that way, though.
Speaking of delicious -- your singing Lucy is ... oh, indescribable. I go there when I need a smile, never fails :)

mamaramma, make my day, why don'tcha? ;) You remind me of a child I know of named "Chance," also because of unknown paternity. I'll write to you soon :)

WB, which parents? Oh; I guess it doesn't really matter, here, does it? :)

eclectic, Kandy Shugars. Oh, puh-leeese. Don't you think the cute name is part of the reason for the attraction? Are you old enough to remember the laugh=in bit, "If x married y . . . " then they'd come up with bizarre married names. Shoot, none are coming to mind. Where are all my golden girls when I need them ;)

ssnick, I cannot imagine parents actually doing that. I do believe the Female story here, though. I was only once removed from that source; and that was a long, long time ago.

mrsDoF, I'll have to check out the mostlycajun site. People giving seasonal or monthly (like April) names out of season or month is a bit confusing, I guess. Parents must just like the words.

oops, amy, I keep getting in trouble here after I write things and then google them. A correction. The Cookie cousin wasn't Miss Texas; she moved to compete in North Carolina. That's where she was Miss.
That is all.

I've gotta couple...
I've heard a different take on the orangejuice and lemonjuice....or-ronge-jello and le-MON-jello.

Also I heard a radio station story on some names when I was in college. There was a guy with the last name of Stain. He joined the navy and became Seaman Stain. And a guy with the last name of Seaman. Was in a football game and the announcer says "And Seaman was ALL OVER HIM!"

heheh--anyways--mostly lurk and love your blog
Ivy's Mom

In Spain, many years ago, children used to get stuck with the name of whatever saint's feast day was on the calendar the day they were born. These saints' name calendars also used abbreviations for "obispo" = obi. = bishop, and "mártir" = mar. = martyr. So there were these parents who named their kid "Obimar!"

ivy'smom, thanks for lurking and for letting me know you're here. Seaman Stain made me SNORT.

ortizzle, Obimar. Better than Obi Wan, I guess.

I haven't had a good laugh in a LONG while, and I needed that every so badly, Susie.

umutha, do I have to come out to freakin' OK? You need a good laugh EVERY DAY or terrible things can happen. Take better care of yourself, missy.

You always have the best stories. I love that about you.

I know two doctors with funny names: Dr. Shouey a podiatrist and Dr. Loynes a gynecologist.

There was a guy in my high school named Lance Lansing. A childhood neighbor was John Johnson. A guy at the office was named Hung, who changed it to Hank (for obvious reasons). His younger brother (Tony) worked in my department.

Hank transferred into our area right after the name change - and during a staff meeting I was explaining that they knew each other...saying, "Tony's brother is Hung, by the way." Dead silence. Then, I just moved on hoping nobody caught it...

We have a urologist who is retired. His name is Dr. Peter Standard . . . In 1976 a 16 year old in my high school had twin girls and she named them Mari & Juana. Then there was Carol, who married Ken Carol and so she was Carol Carol. Then Kelly married Charlie Kelly and became Kelly Kelly.
There is a reason I kept Hawk ~ Not just any last name will go with Nanina. :)

kalki, thank you; and you know I love your stories, too.

loki, welcome. So you're saying Hank was really Hung?

shell, welcome to you, too. I like your name. I would think people were saying, "Michelle," when they say Miss Shell.

nina, those are way into weird territory. And having seen Dr. John's last name, you made a wise choice. People would be tripping over Ns, for sure!

I went to school with two girls named April. One was April Flores (spanish for flowers) and the other was April Rainwater.

My friend Michelle's parents wanted a son to name Michael, but got a girl first and thus, Michelle. Of course a year later they got their son whom they still had to name Michal. I think they also named the dog Michael.

I also knew a boy named Justin Case.