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Wednesday, May 18, 2005

In Which I Go On and On About How I Have No Time to Go On and On

My goodness, I'm busy this week. Homestuff, family stuff, workstuff, all desperately needing to get done. I am cramming in some continuing education this week, to avoid facing the predicament I faced a couple of years ago when it was time to renew my head shrinker's license. I need so many hours of continuing ed every year, in order to remain "legal" in my profession. I have always had waaaaay more than the number I need, so have never paid too much attention to counting my hours. Two years ago, we moved (our home) and I moved (my office), and there were health issues and work issues and yaddayaddayadda, and it got to be the end of the year, time to send in my license renewal info and I had a HOLY CRAP moment when I realized that I needed four more hours! To shorten the story, fast forward to me sitting in a crappy hotel conference room in a D.C. suburb, listening to a topic that I don't quite remember at the moment, except that the presenter made a rather compelling case for diagnosing both Bill and Hillary Clinton with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and she told a kickass story of "Mr. Johnson," a client who showed up in her office in running shorts that exposed his, um, little Mr. Johnson. Oh, and did I mention that this was on December 20th?! Everyone in the room, including the presenter, knew that the ONLY reason anybody was sitting there was because we had F'ed up on counting our CE hours. The presenter, God bless her, would have been quite interesting, I suspect, except that no one was really listening, because we were all making last minute gift lists, and grocery lists, and writing out Christmas cards, and napping . . .

All that storytelling to tell you why I have no time to tell you a story! So I lifted this actual email from my personal email box, which I had already lifted to put in my little journal, where I had already added the "UPDATE." (I sure hope you all are making more sense than I am today.)


From: whatwasit@comcast.net [Add to Address Book] [View Source]
To: lulu@netzero.net
Subject: wardrobe malfunction
Date: Thu, 13 Jan 2005 21:04:32 +0000


Lulu. Please help me. You are the only girlfriend who is available at this moment. (You might not be available either, but I can pretend you are.) This is what I did: I got ready for work this morning. I was going to wear a black sweater. I put on a black bra. So far, so good. Then I changed my mind. I decided on a pale pink cashmere sweater. Nice. And I forgot about the black bra. I went to work. I went to the grocery store. A lot of people in the grocery store looked at me. I thought they were lovin' my pink cashmere. No. They were shocked and horrified at my BLACK BRA screaming out from under my PALE PINK sweater. Did anyone tell me? No. I didn't know until I got home and for some reason finally heard, with my own ears, the SCREAMING of the black bra under the pale pink sweater. Oh, Lulu. Oh, oh, oh. Did you ever have one of those days? I'm going to bed now.

UPDATE: Lulu CALLED long distance (cell phone, but still . . .) to help me through the undergarment incident. She offered that I probably started a trend. I kinda thought the whole whitetrashion thing was Britney's domain. But don't you know, the next time I was in Foodtown, EVERY daggone frazzled, forty-something chick in the place was wearing a SCREAMIN' dark bra under a fluffy pastel sweater. I am SO all that. Whitetrashion ROCKS!


***

Certain names were changed to protect the guilty. In my reply to Lois Lane's comment yesterday, I explained how blogging had grown from my overemailing friends my little stories. This is a small example. I think my friends are so grateful that I have my new blogfriends on which to inflict my tales :) You can read more about Lulu and me in the Archives, March 9th and 11th (one of my very favorite posts). Oh, if you read them, read in date order.

And speaking of my friends, one who reads my little blog emailed me this photo this morning, in response to the Spritz story:

Moose and Fluffy, photo by a friend's friend's friend, somewhere in Canada

47 heads are better than one . . .

Blogger Dawn said...

oh my gosh that's funny-that poor cat-the moose probably poops bigger then it.

 
Blogger Dawn said...

hey if you have time for a good laugh check out the "sandal pledge" that i put on there(2nd or 3rd post down). I received this email from a friend and couldnt resist putting it on my blog. i just hope people find it as funny as i did, although my boyfriend didn't find it funny at 2am when i was reading it and woke him up laughing-oops!

 
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Susie, glad to hear all is well after the white trashion incident.

Hang in there kiddo! Things will settle down again soon.

Have a great day!

 
Blogger Nilbo said...

Ten bucks says the cat is thinking "If I can train humans to do anything I want, how hard can it be to train this thing?"

*smooch* from England ...

 
Blogger Indigo said...

I love it! I'm going to have to read the dates you recommended.

As for me, I think my friends are grateful as well that I'm sharing my tales with someone else for a change. :-)

 
Anonymous maddenroundtheland said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
Blogger Susie said...

losc, I definitely need a pedicure. I agree with all your friend's sandal rules.

CK, shake your groove thing today, baby.

nilbo, hi, there! Hope you're having a wonderful trip.

indigo, thanks for visiting. I'll come over soon to see what your email friends are being spared :)

hot and juicy, maybe if you weren't so H and J, you wouldn't have pushed the wrong dang buttons!

 
Blogger WILLIAM said...

Using a blog to keep family and friends updated on what is going on is a great way to save time from all the individual emails. But then when you have a conversation, It usually ends up with "Yea I read that on your blog".

 
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Are you tellin' me I shouldn't have worn this hooker-red pushup bra under my nun's habit all these years?

God, how embarassed am I?

 
Blogger Nic said...

OMG, that is way the COOL picture!

There was a girl in highschool, er 16 years ago, who would wear red bras under white shirts. Of course she was ridden more times than than the horse in front of the WalMart. The difference is that she did it deliberately and was nowhere NEAR half as cool as you are.

Bless you for pimping your problems out to us to enjoy and in doing so add a smile to our days.

Your little blessing fairy. Who's also convenient for when you have to sneeze!

 
Blogger Susie said...

william, that's funny. That is a hazard, isn't it. You've become redundant! heeheee

bucky, no, no, you're good. As long as it doesn't show THROUGH the habit. I have always suspected that nuns ordered their undies from Frederick's of Hollywood . . . assless nunchaps and whatnot . . .

nic, wait, are you saying you went to school with BUCKY? You've given me a new subtitle for my blog, "Pimpin' out my problems for you to enjoy . . . " love it!


Gotta go attend to my busy bidniss. Have a happy Wednesday. Like greenie says, smile at a stranger today. And while you're at it, give them a compliment, too :)

 
Anonymous LadyBug said...

Now, see there, if you just had a drawer full of white granny bras (or nursing bras, in my case), you wouldn't have to worry about such things!

 
Blogger Twixie said...

hmm... i had one such incident 2 years ago, where we were having a party at my place and i wore a pink bra under a white linen outfit.. i thought it was way cool and trendsetting to wear all white and the pink lightly showing, then my roommate saw me and had a horrified look on her face took me to the side to tell me my bra was showing-- I was like oh I know.. then she quickly said "oh-- well, if you know then it's totally cool"... well from then on I was self-conscious- what if other people thought it was a mistake-- and very not cool.. of course later on my brother told me my bra was showing-- it was a disaster--never again.

 
Anonymous lawbrat said...

On a hurried morning, I put on black undies - a thong actually. I made a note to make sure I wore dark pants. I had my robe on, and was making lunches, downing coffee, dressing little ones, and running late. It slipped my mind about the dark pants. I ran to my room, grabbed the first clothes I could find. It was summer and the pants were very light-weight and white. Not good. Put on a cute tank top and we were off. As I was walking to class, I caught my reflection in a window. I went straight to the bathroom, removed the offending thong, and went commando. Nothing showed through, thank goodness.

 
Blogger ben said...

Very nice blog, keep it up!

 
Blogger Nic said...

Hey, that's what I'm here for sunshine. Use it! It's yours completely royalty/copyright-free, cause I'm all generous and stuff like that! ;)

 
Blogger little sister said...

White trashion! too funny!

btw, did you know that white trash vernacular is my first language?

 
Blogger Torrie said...

I KNEW YOU WERE WHITE TRASH!
Is there, by any chance, a fridge sitting on your front lawn?

 
Blogger Susie said...

ladybug, I actually liked nursing bras. They have sort of a retro '50s kind of thing going on, don't you think? You have reminded me of the story of the lingerie Nazi, which I shall have to blog soon :)

twixie, ah that thin line between mistake and cool. Reminds me of some pix we had taken by the beach photographer a few years ago, which is a rare occurrence for me, to allow beach pix by someone outside family, anyhow, they looked pretty good, except that I had white gobs of sunblock on my nose. I asked Jif why he didn't tell me. He said he thought I was going for a "look," trying to be cool. Bizarre. Few people are LESS concerned with looking cool than I.

lawbrat, good save. The black thong/white pants thing hasn't made its way into the courtroom, just yet ;)

thank you, ben, and welcome. You look great in pink, dude;)

nic, you're too good to me:)

little sister, I think you and I could understand each other. I speak Hillbillian, which must be very closely related, if not identical, to your language.

torrie, there most certainly is NOT. I mean, unless you count the little one that's in the backseat of the '74 Impala that's up on cinder blocks. And technically, it's the SIDE yard, anyway . . .
I know someone in her 80s who says she used to check "other" on employment applications and write in "White Trash / Hillbilly." She says it got her in the door sometimes.

 
Blogger Colleen said...

at least you wear bras. after 3 kids i have bones where supple breasts once lived. i dropped off my boy at preschool this am ...NO BRA UNDER A SWEATER.
*sniff* no one looked.

 
Blogger Cindy said...

Thanks for the laugh, Susie! I've done the dark bra/undies under a light colored blouse/slacks before and of course it's too late to change when I've noticed. Whatcha going to do? Life is what you make of it - and I chose to laugh, and I'm laughing again just thinking about it and also your predicament. Thanks. :-)

Also, good luck on the Cont. Ed. courses!

 
Blogger SierraBella said...

The men at (my former) job were extremely disappointed when I replaced a woman who favored wearing loose-knit shell sweaters with no bra! Apparently, her little nibblies peeking out were very popular with the guys...
I'm thinking she should have married the Mr. Johnson you heard about in your D.C. class.

 
Anonymous hot and juicy said...

Thank you, pillow biter!

And in my best Foghorn Leghorn: "And I say, I say I won't be hot and juicy if you don't wear a black bra under a light top."

 
Blogger Spurious Plum said...

I can't decide if the moose looks like hes going to eat the cat, or just lick it awhile, to keep his tongue warm...

Hey, at least you remembered a bra. Any bra. I've gotten all the way to work thinking I'm one hot turd in the bowl of life, only to discover my uneven boobs having a bra-burning, feminist type of day.

Ew.

 
Blogger The Lioness said...

Oh I loved the pic, loved it, loved it, loved it! I recently got dressed, decided I needed to change my t-shirt, changed it, then chose yet another one, then realised as I was opening the door that I'd almost walked out w a black bra and a new white t-shirt. Quickly changed bra and exited smugly.

When I came back I realised that one could see the bra under the t-shirt and that the t-shirt, although not transparent, was very thin, and that the bra isn't as opaque as I thought it was - and let's just say I'm happy I'm pretty fair-skinned all around. *sigh*

 
Blogger Dang Cold.. said...

I always think of Hillbillian as a dialect that induces the sound of "dueling banjo's". Whitetrashistani is a tongue more along the lines of Kid Rock or Ted Nugent. I don't wear bra's (at this time of day) but I despise the look of a guy in a white dress shirt and being able to see the undershirt beneath. Its as tacky as a turd in a hot tub.

dc - dressin' casual

 
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

"Little Lulu, I love you-lu,
Just the same, the same.."

I don't know what that is. It just generated itself out of my memory because of YOUR Lulu.

That picture is one of the most interesting/finest/bestest/outstandingnest/priceliest I ever seed.

 
Blogger zhoen said...

Which is why I always wear black.

 
Blogger Squirl said...

Susie, that probably beats my broken zipper story. At least I had worn a long, thick sweater that day so it covered the safety pins. Nobody would even know if I hadn't gone and blogged it to the world.

Everyone must experience at least one wardrobe malfunction in his/her life. It is written. (At least it is now) :-)

 
Blogger Susie said...

colleen, of course they looked! They're just very sneaky about it.

cindy, thanks for the luck. I agree; laughing is often the way to go.

sierrabella, I don't think I've ever worked with one of those. I wonder if there was a drop in morale among the males when Ms. Nibblies left. Nibblies. I like it.

H & J, I'll wear the right color bra. And I'm gonna try to get Bucky to FedEx me her assless chaps for the occasion.

plum, don't forget the special bra for the special dress for the wedding! That's coming right up, right? You'll look beauteous, fruiteous, etc.

lioness, you do paint quite a picture there . . . a very lovely one ;)

dc, you are both a Lord AND a Linguist. I think there is not much you can't do. Although, please explain, what is a white-shirt-wearing dude to do when it's chilly? Keep a coat on? Wear a white shirt that's too thick to see through? What? What?

hoss, it appears you have wandered away from the home and are hallucinating. Lulu to yuyu. Glad you enjoyed the pic; I'll pass along the accolades to my friend.

zhoenw, well now, that would do it.

squirl, of course you're right. At least yours and mine weren't on TV during the Superbowl.

 
Blogger Dawn said...

holy toledo batman so many comments-so little time-how the heck do you do it?

 
Blogger Andrea said...

And don't think that wearing a white bra every time is going to solve this problem. Do you think they make black bras just because they are sexy? No. Case in point:

My 10 year high school reunion (and I'm not telling WHEN that was). I found, at T.J. Maxx, the cutest dark blue twinset and then found a cute skirt that matched perfectly. (this was back before I gained weight and still looked cute in short skirts). I wore it to the reunion, felt very confident, had a great time. When I see the pictures afterward that my friend took, in every picture that I'm in, you can see my white bra shining ever-so-brightly through that twinset! I didn't think it was THAT thin. My friend was kind enough to edit this out when he posted the pictures online (but not in the thumbnails, I noticed).

 
Blogger Dang Cold.. said...

Oh its on now Susie!! Challenge my fashion sense will you? Dudes should invest in a nice white shirt thats made of egyption cotton. Nice n' thick like and relatively non see-through. Or, if he insists on a white under garment wear a dress shirt thats not white. Thats right!! Perhaps a black or royal blue one. Won't see a thing through that. Don't get me started on white shirts and yellow armpit stains. Its wrong, I declare. Just wrong.

dc - dressing consultant

 
Blogger Dawn said...

i had a friend in middle school who would put nursing pads in her bra because she was paranoid of pop-a-nipple-itis if she got chilly.classic!

 
Anonymous MrsDoF said...

Actually, DC, I think a sleeveless shirt under a white dress shirt is very sexy on a guy. The layered look, and undoing the buttons slowly, then more fabric, shoulders shrugging, muscles rippling....

 
Blogger Susie said...

andrea, I had a similar experience, with a black silk sweater, except I was wearing a black bra, but in my niece's wedding pictures, the sweater looks sheer. I had to take back every time I had said "Yea, sure," of a celebrity who claimed not to know their outfit was see-thru in bright lights. I had no idea until I saw the pix. It can happen.

oh, dang, I don't want to fight with you. I just wanted your fashion input. I do not like to see the male nibblies under a white shirt. Your thoughtful remedies will certainly work. Don't get your Egyptian cotton shorts in a knot.

don't chap
double checking
dark cotton

losc, that is just wrong. I never even heard of nipple pads until after I needed them.

mrsDoF, that is indeed another perspective. DC has very strong feelings about this; I had no idea. Perhaps there was a traumatic undershirt incident in his childhood . . . On the other hand, perhaps you have had very pleasant experiences of seeing undershirts through white shirts . . . surely the two sides can peacefully co-blog . . . rippling, you say?

 
Blogger Dang Cold.. said...

Okay but I stand by my rant on the yellow pit stains.

Sexy you say mrsdof? hmmmm.

**mental note to show up wearing a white shirt with another underneath in the office tomorrow. observe female behaviour, analyze and report. perhaps I'll convert**

dc - diversifying catalogue

 
Blogger Jomama said...

Tomorrow's Friday!!! Yeah!!

I have had lots of faux pas over the years, but the two that stick out in my mind happened about a year ago. I was at a friend's graduation party and I wore a cute black turtleneck that I had never worn before. Well a guy friend was taking pictures of us with his digital camera and when we went to see what they looked like, everyone noticed that my shirt was a little sheer and you could see my blue bra. The guy holding the camera was like "really?", and starts to zoom in on my breast to get a better look while all of my friends are standing around watching. Needless to say, I stood in the back for the rest of the pictures.
The second time was a few months later. I was in the mall with my fiance wearing some very cute white capris with a white thong underneath. I was feeling very cute until I walked past a store window and noticed that you could see the entire outline of the front of my underwear through the pants and it was not a very flattering site. I was so embarrassed and felt like I was putting on a show for the shoppers. I tried to get over it, but I finally decided to go and buy a black thong. I had to walk across the mall to the bathroom with the tiny shopping bag over my crotch.

 
Blogger Susie said...

dang, you be careful out there. There's no telling what could happen in that ensemble.
I believe we can all agree on condemning pit stains of any color.
We shall eagerly await your report.

developing couture

rina, you should just skip undies entirely, it sounds like. You do raise an interesting point -- sometimes flesh-color (of whatever color our flesh might be) is preferable to matching undies to clothing . . . why does life have to be so complicated?

 
Blogger Snickrsnack Katie said...

Ugh. Yellow pit stains. What causes men's sweat to turn yellow, anyway? I think that is way more of a faux paus than a black bra under a pink sweater. I guess I have had an aversion to pit stains since I was in eighth grade music class, and Mr. Johnson the music teacher would stand in the front of the room with his conductor stick and flail his arms around, revealing the largest, wettest-looking, yellow pit stains. And they weren't just yellow, they were fluorescent yellow. I still have nightmares about that. I'll take the black bra/pink sweater any day.

 
Blogger laurenbove said...

Hey Susie: Long time no chat with...hope you have time to do all the great things you do...like blog those excellent posts. Love the photo, it should be a greeting card.

Katie: I refered to you on my blog. Thursday last I think... You and Dooce. I wont say what, it's a surprise! =)

Andrea: the same thing happened to me with the white bra showing through. It's like two glowing cones lighting the way in the dark... Did I ever feel like a dork? Almost as bad as the day (too recently) I realized how geeky white socks looked in anything but white sneakers.

 
Blogger trisha said...

I just love you.

 
Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

They are having a business meeting. Misfit clued me in.

http://www.vaguebuttrue.com/genius.htm#TheOtherAnimalsAreAginUs

It will all make sense now.

 
Blogger Annejelynn said...

WOW

 
Blogger Annejelynn said...

sorry for the previous comment...but um, wow

 
Blogger No_Newz said...

Thanks for giving me the low down about your family reading your blog. It's really cool that you have grown your own blog community and can pass bra mishaps on to others. Funny, funny story by the way!
My mom asked me once what I was doing on her computer for so long and I said blogging. Hoping it would end there. Nope. After giving her the scoop on what blogging is she said "I wanna read it!" Just like a kid! So I saved my URL in her favorites, next thing ya know, she is forwarding my stories as jokes to everyone in the family. Soon after, at my dad's funeral, of all places, my mom made it a point to mention my blog to anyone who would listen. On the back of many mass cards, in my mother's writing, next to a prayer honoring my father is my URL. Yes, my mother is a nut! In your professional opinion, should I commit her? (please say yes, please say yes!)
Lois Lane

 
Blogger Susie said...

katiebbaw, your vote AGAINST pit stains has been duly recorded!

laurenbove, I've missed everyone, haven't been out and about in blogworld TOO much this week. I think white socks can go a few more places than that . . . must be cautious, though . . .

trisha, how sweet are you?! You just bring your lovin' over here any old time, I'll take all I can get :) Your SP self is the cutest.

kranki, thank you for that. It does make sense. We must kill moose and cats, summarily. (mooses? meese?)

annejelynn, WOW right backatcha!

lois lane, you will have to pay me a lot of money, but if you do, I'll help you commit your mom. Seriously, I love that she is so proud of you, and that she saw you as a light to share with others at a dark time. Very beautiful story. Blessed Mom and blessed daughter.

 


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