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Wednesday, June 13, 2007

State of the Union

. The fancy schmancy one just plain broke. So until it gets back from the repair shop, or I get a loan to buy a new fancy one, I will be driving this one. I couldn't believe the emails I got, from people I never even knew about, looking for the blog and being unable to see it. First, I was so flattered that people were looking for it, and second, I felt terrible that they had to go to such trouble. So here we are. I hope no one has trouble seeing this one.

WTF. The symptoms, which have been described here in various posts, are really flaring. And I'm even having nightmares about them, in which they're worse, but I actually wake up feeling the choking, the pain, etc., worse than when I went to sleep. This is truly a revoltin' development, because all these months, sleep has been a welcome escape. Now, not so much. Please hurry up with a plan, Toxicdoc.

Sammiched. This week I am acutely aware of my position as a hunk o' baloney in the so-called "sandwich generation." I am struggling to plan a fifth-grade graduation pool party for my child, having just learned that my mother (84) is now incapable of living in her own home and will need to move some place where she can have help. And I, with WTF and a graduate-to-be, am trying to be of some assistance to my mother, from 500 miles away.

Work. I continue to work a few hours a week, supervising graduate student interns. Today, my boss buzzed me to tell me that my clients were there. I said something like, "I don't have any clients..." Then I went downstairs to see these alleged clients. Never saw them before in my life, except that I'd walked past them maybe five times in the preceding half hour as I visited with other staffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff (OK, here's a "EFFING" aside: my F key gets stuck, because I don't have ENOUGH EFFING troubles without THAT SHIT.) Ahem, where was I? Yea, so I introduce myself, and the mother (family of four, mom, dad, two little girls) tells me her name and that she's there to see Susan. Duuuhh... "I'm sorry, I don't know you." Geez, Louise, these people were clients of another supervisor's intern, who was graduating. They were in no shape to be "terminated," so I agreed to see them for her. That was like 6 weeks ago, and I had COMPLETELY forgotten. Of course I apologized like Brenda Lee. And then, as I told Jif later, I gave them 45 minutes of the best damned family therapy anybody's ever had because they went in thinking I was a freakin' nutcase, and I knew I'd better show them something. I therapized them all together, in pairs and individually. I don't have words to convey how mortified I was. My forte (back when I had one, that is), is putting people at ease immediately. And here I could not have made these poor folks more ill-at-ease if I'd walked up and slapped them on sight. SIGH. I think I got them hooked enough to continue as long as they need to.

So that's my sorry tale tail. What's up with you?

file under: &WTF Disease &Family &Work &Meta-blogging

37 heads are better than one . . .

Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

I have cramps.

Sorry, but you asked!

Anonymous SoozieQ said...

I don't have cramps, thankfully but I do have the most bloodshot eyes. Not because I'm doing anything "fun" though, trust me.

So, that's what's up with me!

Blogger mrtl said...


Not much up here. Just doing the mom thing.


My father is traveling, leaving my mother, who is somewhat frail, alone. I call her every day, just as I promised my dad I would, to make sure she's alright. When she answers, she says in exasperation, "I'm okaaaay!!! You don't have to do this!" And then keeps me on the phone for at least half an hour telling me all about her day. I don't think she's as irritated about the daily calls as she makes out to be.

Blogger WILLIAM said...

I'm trying to find a house, which at this time I would gladly take cramps, bloodshot eyes and I would call my mom everyday just to know I had a house.

Sorry Mrtl but I cannot do the mom thing.

Blogger lawyerchik said...

YIKES. And it's only Wednesday! I'm still at work - I did not spend the night (contrary to the question I was asked this morning - does that say that I'm not here enough??) but I am hanging in there, in that I still have work on my desk to justify my continued existence.....

My dog still loves me. My mom wants to come live with me, but my dad won't let her. :) I ate almost a whole cake last night because I was just stressed and that's what I do when I'm stressed.

[....like bucky said, you asked.... :) ]

Hope things get better for you, Susie!! Blog-crashing is not a good thing to experience, and WTF needs to get the f*** out for a while and let you sleep!!

Anonymous Sharkey said...

I totally understand sleep as an escape--it's worked for me many times. I'm sorry yours is being so rudely interrupted by WTF, and that now you're also B-O-L-O-G-N-A. You're not my dad's long-lost sister, are you? Because his mid-80s mom just left the hospital and is also in need of alternate arrangements. Aunt Susie, is that you?

We're heading out tonight for Pittsburgh--the U.S. Open's in town, and we've got tickets for tomorrow.

Blogger Susie said...

bucky, just stay on the fainting couch, honey, until they pass.

soozieq, your poor eyes :( OK, put on some really cool (hot) shades and no one will know.

mrtl, the mom thing is ALWAYS much.

htgt, my daughter is mean and I'm sure will not call me when I am frail and alone (ahem, we're having a little "'tween" high drama here this week, can you tell?)

william, I promise you that THE house is out there, and you and Lauren will find it at the right time, and be thankful that you didn't take one before you got to that one. Hang on.

lawyerchik, my bad dog still loves me, too. Mmmm, cake.

shawkey, I will be your Auntie. Have fun at the open. Jif and I went to one in CT many years ago. It was fun. Remember to whisper and clap softly. (Even though you don't really have to, it's fun to do that, in an exaggerated way that makes it louder than if you were talking and clapping normally. Because that's just how we roll. (I like to use that expression whenever I can slip it in.))

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

I had no idea that "therapized" was even a word. :)

I love sleep, and have used it as an escape on many occasions. I'm sorry that WTF has invaded your dreams. That shit jus' ain't right.

What's up with me? Um, I'm at work until 4:30pm when I will pick up all the clowns, bring them home, drop them off, then rush out to meet some girlie-friends for dinner and mai tais... I also have the beginning of cramps and my back aches.

I hope SoozieQ's eyes lose their bloodshotedness, William (and family) finds a terrific house today, that your Mom finds a terrific new place to live today, that the party goes well, that your "F" key is magically fixed, and that WTF just leaves you the hell alone from now on.

Blogger Traci said...

I'm adding *therapized* to my personal dictionary right this second. My therapist will get that completely stunned look on her face that I love so much. Heh

I'm sorry WTF is being so EFFING stubborn right now. Messing with the sleep is no good...

What's up with me? Not much. Working, Mommy-ing, Writing, Oldest daughter moving into first apartment-ing, School out shortly...oy...nothing as exciting as cramps or house hunting!

Blogger Nina said...

Well, no cramps, no bloodshot eyes, the mom thing, when you get a chance check out the picture of my baby and her belly.
Thankfully I am not house hunting. Or therapizing/exorcising a family.

I'm sorry that the symptoms of WTF have roared it's ugly head. Praying the Toxicdoc will have the answers.

Anonymous Hootie Mac said...

I am cranky as hell. I swear the planets are out of alignment-everyone is just out of sorts. I also have this lovely little catch in my shoulder and neck that cannot seem to work itself out. I apologize profusely for my bitching. I will write lines or stand in the corner later. I got to go make other people cranky now.

Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

*giggles at Bucky* Reminds me of the newer Wonka movie where the old lady randomly offers, "I like grapes."

Same ole same ole on this end. Last night the boy one another baseball game to continue the undefeated streak. Today I got roped into going to yet another work bday lunch. Yawn.

Blogger eclectic said...

Yay for therapizing! Yay for graduations! NOT yay for nightmares, being swammiched, or for broken blogs.

I'm fine -- just tired. But I might be owning new property soon. On a river. That'd be kinda nice.

Anonymous Ortizzle said...

Blog: Bummer. Switch to Wordpress or something. I used it for my grad school blog, and they have designs that let you put up a custom header. *free*

Sammiched: Geez. I don't know what to tell you except that an assisted living place, if it's affordable, is probably better than having her move in. (You've got enough on your plate, sweetie.)

WTF: Biggest bummer of all. Sending positive vibes your way. Also sending positive vibes to the toxicdoc.

Therapy: I'd say they got their money's worth by the end of the session!

What's up with me? Nothing more dramatic than having to clean out months of dirt, grime and clutter from my house. Piece of cake next to your woes.

Anonymous Daphne said...

What is up... stress, oh stress stress stress, and feeling rather lame about not being superwoman. You know. But I'm really happy to be able to click over here and read your whole posts again. Not so happy about the negative WTF developments, though.



Blogger ieatcrayonz said...

Effffffffffffffing hilarious.

My world is so crazy right now I don't know which way is up. It will work out, I just need to give it time and remember to breathe.

Anonymous kalki said...

Things are, at the moment, going pretty well here. I'm holding my breath, hoping it lasts at least a little while.

Who knew normal could be so nice? I surely hope you return to normal soon, Susie.

Also, I love that even in your current circumstances, you are helping people. That family saw your beautiful soul when they met you.


BTW, susie, I forgot to mention that all this week, when I log in from work (IE6) to my blog, pieces of my widget-heavy sidebar don't show up.

Anonymous ie said...

Teehee! Therapized! My second new word for the day. (First was "tizziness" from Bitchypoo.

I'm glad I can see your blog again!

Blogger Jen said...

Glad your back! Sorry to hear about your Mom.

Anonymous Kelly said...

Hi Susie, Since you asked, this past Friday I took my 20 month old to emergency thinking she was dehydrated, and she hasn't left the hospital yet. She was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, and we are learning all about needles and sugar and how to our lives need to adjust. Her twin brother is missing her something awful, he asks to sleep in her crib at night and looks out the window and calls for her. She is adjusting the best of all..holds up her finger and says "Poke -- Snack?? Ya uh huh!" I am sure we'll figure it out, and that it could be FAR worse. I hope that a NAME comes to your illness soon, I really understand NOW the kind of comfort a diagnosis brings, even if it's a shitty one. Take care

Blogger Nilbo said...

I've emerged from a period of uncertainty and am now having a string of exceptional luck and/or payoff for hard work and vision. Life can be that way.

WTF is gonna go down. Bet on it. The rest? Pfft.

Blogger little sister said...

I'm still exhausted from having a radioactive cooch. The oncologist's nurse told me to expect to continue said state of exhaustion for another week or 2. meh.

I'm also totally envious of a friend who is interviewing for jobs. I've decided not to interview until I'm actually up to working a full 8-hour day (I yearn for the days when I worked 10-12 hours....the OT dinero was mucho fun).

bah at your nightmares! more bah at WTF....when will the 'toxicdog' get to work on this?

btw, looks like this screwed up bloggy thing is goin' around too....I'm still working up the energy to redo my blog via iWeb. yeah, like that'll happen.

lil sis

Anonymous elizabeth said...

Here I was all thinkin' it was just me that couldn't see your bloggie. Thank goodness you're fixed! I was missin' me some Susie and the party people!

Now I am therapized!

Blogger Susie said...

ck, I think Jif is the originator of that word. Every night when I'd come home from work, he'd say, "How'd your therapizing go?" It is a very useful word, and I don't know another one that works as well. I hope your girls' night out was great :)

traci, yes, you'll have to use it next time you go to get therapized. Daughter moving into apartment, that's HUGE! All the best to her (and you).

nina, your grandbaby is gorgeous :)

hootiem, me, too. I'm trying to work on CHEERFUL. That's my word of the week, or however long it takes me to master it. (It's gonna be way longer than a week.)

mrB, it tickles me that the boy is loving the sports :)

eclectic, it's not a van down by the river, is it? Oh, and btw, thanks for the invite, but I'm waiting until you get the NICE place ;)

ortizzle, ironically, my dirty house remains one of my biggest woes. I have to figure out how to get it more liveable. I'm looking into other blog possibilities. And my mom got on a waiting list at a nice place. She's 27th, which sounds like she'd never get in, but they said that means nothing, because of people changing their minds, dying, etc. I hope she gets in very, very soon. Keep vibrating :)

daphne, I hope you can ditch the stress. (psst; it can make you sick. Try to STOP IT! but no pressure; that would be something else to stress about.) You ARE a super woman.

umutha, for goodness' sake, do not forget to breathe. As long as you keep breathing, all the rest will work out.

kalki, I know. Normal is heavenly.
You are so full of it. That family saw ... now I'm giggling, because I remember my grandmother saying to my father, "stop showing your ass!" Meaning stop acting like a fool. So, that family saw my ass! And they were TERRIFIED, Kalki. Scared TO DEATH. Hey, did you go see your damn neighbors yet? Don't think we're gonna forget about that. Because we're not. Nilbo's gonna call them up and pretend to be Rob and invite them over to pick up a little sumpin', if you don't do it. Look at me, I'm commenting on YOUR blog on MY blog. How's that for meta?

htgt, blogger is really slipping :(

ie, good to see you. (Good that you can see ME.) It's a good thing to learn new words. Glad I could help.

jen, me, too. Thanks :)

kelly, I'm so sorry you and your family are going through that. Every time I've been at a hospital, I've looked around at all the parents there with kids and said to Jif, "Whatever this is, thank God it's me and not LG that we're here for." That must be the worst. Please come back and tell us how she's doing. Give her an extra hug from the wacky internet people.

nilbo, yay, you! I'll come see if you've written about it. I likes me some good news :)

lilsis, thanks for coming over; I'm happy to hear from you. Hoping your tiredness works its way out of you soon. You'll get life back. Me, too. Just a bit more patience is required of us, apparently.

elizabeth, thanks for still coming around. Yes, consider yourself therapized ;)

Anonymous Amy the Mom said...

I saved the lives of ten ducklings this week! My son is having braces put on today!

I'm not liking the news that WTF is flaring up, but I'm encouraged that you're able to work-only because I had pictured a much more dire situation in my mind.

That probably doesn't help to hear, but you're always in my prayers.

Blogger Effie said...

i have the flu. So does hubby. Baby, not yet but she's teething something fierce. Auntie Flo came to visit unexpectantly, but my sisters came to visit, as expected, so that was nice!

There are not enough sweets in this house (probably for good reason) but I want a chocolate chip cookie....got any of that biiiiig cookie left? Hmm?

Blogger Amy said...

oh crumbs and feathers, Susie, wtf flares and surprise families and you stuck in a samwich!

That happy go lucky tire cover on the jeep below oughta read,

Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

Well, POO! That ain't right! You are due for some good stuff. I am sending you a virtual DQ Sundae. I hope it helps. As for me I had a relative visiting who I offended by saying the word pooping. As in "Sorry I missed your call but I was busy pooping" I figure I'm on a roll.

Blogger Squirl said...

It's been extremely busy and stressful at work for me. Busy is okay, stressful is not. Then I'm trying to get a yard going so I don't have much blog time. Sorry I was late to this one.

I wonder if some self-hypnosis and positive statements before sleep would help. Crossing my fingers for you.

Blogger Robin said...

had a pissy week myself..weird dreams and i think the anti-dep meds are weakening cause i feel myself sliding..see the PN tomorrow, hopefully she'll fix me up and i'm getting cramps too! So here i was feeling all blehhh then i read your blog and the comments....so as of RIGHT NOW, i will stop thinking about myself and send thoughts and hugs to you and everyone else! may some of nilbo's good luck rub off on us all!

ps...kranki make me laugh. she said poop!

Blogger Susie said...

atm, that sounds like a very productive week at your place. It always helps to hear that people are still praying. It's been a long time. People get tired.

effie, I hope the flu soon has flew. From you. Two. I'd share my cookie, but it's gone. I can get more.

amy, life IS gloopy. But not poopy. (Regardless of what kranki says.)

kranki, busy pooping is a legit reason for missing anyone's call. Your relative is a non-pooper, I take it? Or maybe a party pooper?
I have recently learned that we have a DQ about 20 minutes away. I must go soon. I haven't been to one since I was a kid.

squirl, I hope the yard stuff helps relieve some stress. I've had strange dreams the last coupla nights, but no more symptom dreams. That's just wrong.

robin, I'll bet Nilbo would be delighted to rub off on us all :) Feel better.

Blogger Vajana said...

The sandwich is a tough food to be in. My parents were in that situation for a long time, and just this week my last grandparent passed away. My thoughts are with you, because it is SO very tough, I know I'm in for it very shortly too.


Blogger LadyBug said...

YAY! I can see you again! I missed you, dear.

Praying for you, my friend...

Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Thanks for the update. Sorry the WTF symptoms are flaring.

Me? Alex and I are trying to deal with the heat.

Blogger Karen said...

I'm sorry to hear about all of this (albeit belatedly). But...at least your fancy-schmancy blog is back.


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