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Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Hitting Bottom

When the Mama of the family doesn't feel up to shopping regularly, household staples can sometimes run a little low. Take, for example, bathroom tissue, or if you prefer, toilet paper. We haven't run out; just low. So low that each of our bathrooms was on its last roll. On the um . . . roll. Holder. Or so I thought. When I went to put something away in LG's bathroom, I made an unexpected discovery.

My sensitive, compassionate, insightful daughter clearly has the capacity to turn into Little Miss I'm-Looking-Out-for-Number-One (and maybe for #2 as well). Look what she had in her bathroom cupboard:

it's MINE

I can see it now. If WTF isn't vanquished soon, we'll have our own freakin' reality show around here. SURVIVOR: FAIRCHILD HOUSE. LG will definitely have the edge.

file under: &Family &Can't Make This Stuff Up

32 heads are better than one . . .

Blogger lawyerchik said...

Her name on the toilet paper roll..... I LOVE it!! :) Hope you are feeling a little better, missy, and that you had a happy Thanksgiving!!

Anonymous rzdrms said...

that? IS FREAKIN' HILARIOUS. too incredibly cute! she's so busted though. ;)

Blogger Nina said...

I bet if you ran out she might share with you at least a square or two. :)

Blogger Ortizzle said...

Smart kid! She's just given me an idea for MY bathroom, heh, heh...

Blogger Circus Kelli said...


That's FUNNY!

You know, you could easily change that to "Lily's Mom" ;)

Blogger WILLIAM said...

She is a very clever one. You should unravel some of it...write a note on it, like "did you think I would not know that you took the last roll"..roll it back up and leave it there to see if she notices the next time she uses it.

Anonymous LadyBug said...

Oh my gosh, that's hilarious. Clever child you have there. But then, you knew that already. :)

Blogger Effie said...

Far too funny! She knows what's a priority, that's for sure!

And I totally agree with William--that's a good idea!

BTW--I thought your post might be about something a little different from your title "Hitting Bottom" for example--were you spanked when you were bad when you were little? Or something a little more naughty... ;)

Blogger Mainline Mom said...

You're raising a very self-sufficient young lady, that's all! :)

Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

What a lovely photo of packaging.

Blogger Kentucky Brat said...

this is great.. I noticed one day that the main bath was on the last roll and was also down to the last sheets... I went in search of, and found 5 FIVE! rolls in my daughters cabinet! I asked if I could 'borrow' some *sarcasm* and got the 'sure mom, no problem'... :)

Blogger eclectic said...

No. Way. OMG, that's hilarious! Shall I send you some? We shop at Costco, where you're guaranteed never to have enough storage for all the stuff you have to buy at one time in order to get the "great" price. Maybe the Fairchild Estate could be my auxilliary storage facility for paper goods?

Blogger Platypus said...

She's priceless! You've raised one self-sufficient young lady there! :0)

Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

This post generated a Google ad for "Black toilet paper" which is "European" and "trendy."

Or maybe just pre-used?

Blogger Squirl said...

Ewww, Bucky, I just forgot what I was going to say...

Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Hey! I grew up in a home where, if you didn’t grab it and hide it, you did without it. Thus, I fully understand the need to squirrel away one’s toilet paper!

Blogger Lynn said...

Oh, Susie! This makes me laugh. We are forever running low. My husband and I both have awful allergies. We can't keep kleenex in the house -- we're a box-a-day kinda of couple and as soon as we run out, we just using up all the toilet paper!

Blogger Lynn said...

Yes, I am now dyslexic and am going to bed!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG! How funny is that?! Interesting, though, how what is annoying when an adult (who shall remain nameless...hubby) does it is hysterical when a child gets the idea! Go LG!

Blogger Susie said...

lawyerchik, Thanks, I'm doing OK -- my "new OK," and Thanksgiving was nice :)

raz, I know; cracked me up :)

nina, a mom can only hope ;)

ortizzle, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do :)

ck, that's good; wonder how long it would take her to notice ;)

william, you're a very bad influence on me :)

ladybug, clever, is that what it is? ;)

effie! I think you're the naughty one, missy!

mainline mom, at least in certain areas, it would appear ;)

mrB, it IS all about the packaging.

kybrat, what is it with little girls hoarding toilet paper?

eclectic, hee, yea, we'll be your auxiliary site for pretty much anything you need to "store." No one has much inclination for shopping these days, especially boring shopping :(

platypus, yea, it's good to see that her priorities are shaping up nicely, too :)

bucky, I was going to say "eeewwww," but then squirl said it for me. European AND trendy. I always want BOTH in my t.p.

squirl, yep.

ssnick, heaven only knows the stories LG will tell in days to come.

lynn, you're not dyslexic; blame allergies for everything, I find that's a good strategy :)

traci, oh NO he di'int! Cheez, Louise! An adult can just go out and BUY some, they don't have to stake claim! I think if he really does that, you should wack him in the head with a nice plump roll of the stuff.

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Traci - You could always start putting your name on all the rolls... wait until there is just a little left on the roll, then put his name on it.

Blogger eclectic said...

CK, you're baaaaaad! *hee* But I like it!!

Oh, Hi Suse! Didn't mean to leave you out. It IS your comments section, afterall! ;)

Blogger Amy said...

What a funny, clever kid. If you gotta hoard something, it should be toilet paper. Or chocolate.

Anonymous SoozieQ said...

Now that is hilarious! I think when the Hubs leaves an empty tube on the holder, then I will write his name on those and start putting them underneath the sink. Then when we're truly out he will reach under there and pull out one of his "special" rolls.

Thanks LG for the idea!!! :-)

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Oh SoozieQ! Now THAT'S funny!

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

One more comment on this... I think, just for grins, when I visit all the relatives over the next month or so because of all the holidays, I'll write MY name on THEIR rolls of T.P. -- what? They already think I'm nuts...

Blogger Susie said...

ck, hee, that's good. Stop trying to cause trouble at Traci's!

weirdeclectic, hi :)

amy, I agree with the hoardability quotient of both of those products :)

soozieQ, oh, that's a good plan, too. Poor hubs.

ck, I love you. Now I think if I ever have occasion to visit the homes of any of the people here, I shall have to write my name on their T.P.!

Anonymous Katy said...

Somehow, your post reminded me of this poem, one of my father's favorites. Hope you enjoy.

Ode to the Outhouse
by James Whitcomb Riley

But when the crust was on the snow and the sullen skies were gray
In sooth, the building was no place where one could wish to stay.
We did our duties promptly, there one purpose swayed the mind,
We tarried not, nor lingered long on what we left behind,
The torture of that icy seat would make a Spartan sob,
For needs must scrape the gooseflesh with a lacerating cob,
That from a frost-encrusted nail was suspended by a string-
For Father was a frugal man and wasted not a thing.

When Grandpa had to "go out back" and make his morning call,
We'd bundle up the dear old man with a muffler and a shawl,
I knew the hole on which he sat,
'twas padded all around,
And once I dared to sit there-'twas all too wide I found,

My loins were all too little and I jack-knifed there to stay,
They had to come and get me out or I'd have passed away.
Then Father said ambition was a thing that boys should shun,
And I just use the children's hole 'till childhood days were done.

And still I marvel at the craft that cut those holes so true,
The baby hole, and the slender hole that fitted Sister Sue.
That dear old country landmark; I've tramped around a bit,
And in the lap of luxury my lot has been to sit-
But 'ere I die I'll eat the fruit of trees I robbed of yore.
Then seek the shanty where my name is carved upon the door,
I ween the old familiar smell will soothe my faded soul,
I'm now a man, but none the less I'll try the children's hole

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, Susie, my dear...he does do that. Actually, lately he hasn't done that because he's on his best behavior. I think it had something to do with me saying I didn't want to be married anymore. :::::sigh::::: Time will tell. All choices/decisions are on hold until the New Year. It's too much to deal with emotionally for me at the moment. I've kinda shut down. I'm so grateful you had a lovely Thanksgiving. I cannot even explain how happy that makes me!

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Susie, last night, I was attending to nature's call in our powder room and I noticed there was only a square or two left on the roll. I opened the vanity, and sure enough there was (gratefully) one roll left in there.

I thought of you and your family...


In my house we're not out till we've been through the mcdonald's napkins too. Too bad they stopped sending out the Sears catalogue so many years ago. Good for your daughter. Now if she starts selling sheets of the stuff to the rest of the family, she'll be 'best young entrepreneur of the year!' (I know - don't give ideas, eh?)

Blogger Dawn said...

O.M.G she's hilarious :)

does she know you know of her "stash"


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