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Friday, July 14, 2006

Biscuit Friday ~ Truckjacker


This amazing shot was achieved by throwing Biscuit's ring into LG's ice cream truck, then laughing hysterically as he investigated all the ways a VBD might invade a child's ice cream truck, all the while listening to LG scold both of us (because she had just gotten all the "inventory" inside arranged just so, and Biscuit was like a bull in a china shop (or a VBD in an ice cream truck)), and then yelling, "HEY, BISCUIT!" 16 times or until he looked out the window at me. You know, in case you would like to attempt this brilliant photographic effect at home.

I entertained myself by repeatedly tossing Biscuit's things into the truck yesterday afternoon, much to LG's and Biscuit's vexation. I thought I only felt well enough to sit on the couch, but turns out I actually had enough energy to torment children and pets, and laugh about it. Then, don't you know when Jif came home, he had the same idea. LG would scream, and Biscuit would go to great lengths -- overturning the vehicle with his snout, diving through the window, whatever -- to gain entry. Jif thought it was just as funny as I did. We are simple folk, easily amused.

I can't look at this without being reminded of one of Jif's childhood stories. I've confessed to my criminal past here, but most people think Jif is above reproach. I know some things on him, though. When he was five years old, he and an accomplice, his cousin, "Flipper," stole the Jack 'n Jill ice cream truck that stopped in their neighborhood. While the ice cream man was out on the sidewalk handing out the goodies and taking the kids' coins, Jif jumped in the driver's seat and put the truck in gear. Flipper hopped in and off they went down the hill, with Jif steering and Flipper ringing the bell, and the ice cream man plus half the neighborhood running behind them. No one was hurt (thank God), and the truck came to a stop when they reached the bottom of the hill, and the road headed upward again.

Masterful segue ahead, bridging Biscuit Friday and a "medical minute" . . .

My friend, Katy, cautioned me not to mention the PET scan to Biscuit, because he would want to get in on it, and she was right, he thinks everything's all about him, especially things with the word "PET" associated . . . (not bad, eh?)

Here's the deal. It is almost all good news. There was only one area that showed rapid cell activity, but there are other, normal, healthy reasons why that particular area would appear so. And unless I have reason to believe otherwise, I'm assuming those reasons. I will, of course, check it out further; already have a test scheduled for Monday to do so.

Frankly, I am surprised. I have felt so sick for so long, now, that I really did think the worst. Of course I am relieved. And I am frustrated beyond anything I could ever have imagined. I have increasingly distressing, debilitating symptoms, and to my knowledge, they've done darned near every test they can think of to do, and can find no cause. The doctors I've been seeing are frustrated, too; I can tell. They used to like me. Now, not so much. I have joined Elaine Benes on the "difficult patient" list, I fear.

I am not able to work very much. That distresses me, emotionally, professionally, financially. As for this hobby, I alternate between thinking I will just stop, because it's one more thing that I'm not doing very well, and I don't need the angst of that; and thinking that I will go nekkid and just spill how despairing I feel sometimes with this whole situation, or just list my symptoms and appeal to ANYONE to come up with an idea of what is going wrong here.

sigh. For now, I want to keep doing the Sunday thing, because I do love my small but faithful "congregation," and I'll just come on with something silly when I take a notion and have the energy. I really don't want to go all medical all the time. But I really do count on your prayers and the other good stuff you send. I'll let you know the very second I have some answers, or even some healing without answers. Next up, an appointment with an infectious disease specialist, and then with a rheumatologist.

I'll never be able to say it enough: I thank you. My friends.

file under: &Biscuit &Partial Nudity &Family

24 heads are better than one . . .

Blogger WILLIAM said...

It is good to laugh. You know they say Laughter is the best medicine, even if it involves tormenting little girls and Dogs. I think you should request from your congregation ways to make you laugh. We can all be doctors and prescribe you something funny.

Currently I do not have anything but I just opened the door for Bucky.

Blogger Squirl said...

While I'm so glad for you that it's not cancer, it's still frustrating that nobody knows yet what's going on.

I would understand if you didn't keep up the blog, but many of us would miss it deeply.

You still have our thoughts and prayers. We love you, hon.

Anonymous rzdrms said...

pleasepleaseplease list your symptoms! what could it hurt?! maybe someone has some vague idea of what it might possibly could be! and i, personally, can say that i don't mind all medical, all the time, because it's what you're dealing with right now, and i want to be there for you during it. i want to help, and it bugs me that i cannot (besides the prayers, of course). knowing the symptoms and trying my darnedest to sleuth the problem would be something! :)

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Can I just second what Squirl said?
Maybe add a "YEAH!" or "Me, too!" on it?

No? Ok...

That's good news, Susie! I'm glad you have SOME news, and a new plan.

Hugs to you!

Blogger Effie said...

My dear Susie--it is you we thank--for the past year and a bit I have come to your site just to laugh/cry/spill my guts/giggle/talk openly and smile. No matter what--you always make me smile. This is why we are all standing by you--because we've grown to truly love you!

While I'm ECSTATIC to hear that it isn't cancer, I'm sorry they weren't able to figure out what it is! That's never a fun situation to be in and it just gets more and more aggravating.

I have a quick joke for you (taking William's good advice about laughter being the best medicine)

Important Medical News!!

American Medical Association researchers have made a remarkable discovery:

It seems that some patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood.

It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.

Just thought you'd like to know. (got that in the email today)

Love you lots--continual hugs and prayers for you!!!!!

Blogger SoozieQ said...

I think you have a bigger "congregation" than you could ever imagine.

Keep on tormenting children and pets, it really is therapeutic :-)

Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

It's yo blog
blog watchya wanna blog
I can't tell ya
how to blog it

*come on, sing along, I know that you can*

There are always degrees of blogging for me. Some days I don't wanna blog at all and sometimes people are probably like "would you just go away!!" Give yourself license to enjoy it when you can and when you want, and it'll all be good. There are no rules.

[The story about the ice cream truck going down the hill...maybe I missed it...did he at least get an orange pushup after the ordeal?]

Anonymous Sharkey said...

Mmmm . . . orange Push-Ups. Sorry--got distracted there for a second.

I couldn't even read about the VBD and Jif until after I'd scrolled down to find out the results of your test. So glad it's not cancer! Whew! But I know that doesn't help much when you're still feeling sick.

That's not you on the couch in the background of that picture, is it? 'Cause I'm thinkin' the fact that you appear not to have a body could be part of the problem.

Blogger Nina said...

That is an amazing shot, I adore that picture. It might be selfish but I would miss you so much if you weren't here. Just so you know.

Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Mr. B - I think it's more likely Jif got an orange JUMPSUIT out of the deal...

Susie, I firmly believe a gremlin has gotten into your works. The only way to flush that little bastard out is with large doses of hilarity (and some cranberry juice). I recommend the 3-season DVD set of "Strangers With Candy" because it is the very definition of WRONG. And then perhaps some Deadwood COCKSUCKAAAAH counting.

Love ya, sis. I'm glad there's no C to be found, but I sure wish to hell they'd find out what's really up!

Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

So glad it's not cancer!
Perhaps it's something that needs to be killed with a dose of Monty Python and lots of cranberry juice.

Anonymous M&Co. said...

Oh I love your Sunday pictures. And if you don't feel like posting, then don't. But I like to read you when you do.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You, of all people, ought to know that guilt is an absolutely useless emotion! Honey, blog when you feel like it. Don't blog when you don't feel like it. It's a no guilt arrangement ok? I'm begging you not to disappear though. Had enough of the disappearing folks lately. *sigh* I'm grateful the test showed nothing too weird and also grateful they're looking closely at the slightly weird area. Too much trauma in my life surrounding that horrible "C" word not to worry here. Sorry. :) I think of you every single damn day and hug you tight in spirit. {{{{{Susie}}}}}

Blogger Karen said...

Just stopping by to let you know I was here and I am thinking about you. I don't have anything profound to say. I am glad to receive any updates you can offer the blog world.

"Keep on truckin'!"

(Sorry, couldn't resist.)

Blogger Andrea said...

Love you, Susie Fairchild :) So glad it's not the big C, but do wish someone could figure out how to help you.

Blogger eclectic said...

Y'know, my beloved dad was a doctor. When asked about diagnoses, he used to quip that if you've tried everything you know and none of that is the problem, then the problem must be something you don't know yet. So see? You might just be setting the stage for a modern medical miracle: "Mid-Atlantic Therapist Diagnosed with First Known Case of Bidness Gremlins. Treatment is still in the experimental stages, but likely will involve torment of small children and dogs as a palliative measure." Thanks for the good/frustrating news, sis. I've been wondering and hoping. Love you, for real.

Blogger mrtl said...

Go figure you married a juvenile delinquent.

Glad to hear of your progress on the medical front.


Blogger Jim said...

Happy, gay thoughts are ALWAYS with you, my talented friend.

And mrtl is right - I think Jif needs a few weeks in Juvie, just to straighten him up a bit (even though it was years ago and he's probably the most law-abiding dude in the world now).

And although I'm still concerned that they don't know's the deal with your medical goings-on, I'm absolutely DELIGHTED that it's not as bad as you'd thought! That absolutely makes my entire week.

Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

Well, WHEW! So relieved that you can cross cancer off the list. However, I can certainly understand how frustrating a 'non'diagnosis is. The not knowing sucks. As I have said to myself almost daily over the last 18 months, "Just get through the day. It doesn't have to be pretty." Hugs to you and here are plenty of good healing vibes towards you feeling better soon.

Blogger ieatcrayonz said...

I still love you Susie. Please don't quit...anything.

Blogger Amy said...

Yay! And Argh. What a crazy life it is, eh? I love your Sunday posts. Where do I put my offering though?

Blogger LadyBug said...

I'm keeping you in my prayers, dear....hoping you find out SOMETHING soon.

Love you, Miss Susie.

Anonymous kalki said...

Thanks for the updates - so many of us are thinking about you.

Blogger judypatooote said...

That picture of Biscuit is precious....and a very funny story. I'm so happy that there was no cancer....sometimes it takes doctors longer that we want, to find out what is wrong....there is always so many tests.....well know that I am saying a prayer for you, because you are a special lady....Blessings to you my friend.


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