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Friday, November 04, 2005

Music Appreciation 101

In a restaurant earlier this week, some lame '80s* song comes on the Muzak.

LG asks, "What kind of music is this?"

I'm not in love . . . it's just a silly phase I'm going through...

"I guess you'd call this 'pop,'" I tell her, as I check out the menu.

"There are a lot of different kinds of music, aren't there?" she asks.

"Oh, yea. Dozens, probably hundreds," I agree.

"What are they?"

Jif joins in, "There's rock, metal . . . "

"Country, jazz, pop, hip-hop, alternative, classical . . . " I continue.

"There's rap music," LG contributes.

"Yep, rap . . ." I say.

Then she says, "What is crap music, is that like rap music?"

Jif snorts. "CRAP music?"

"Yea, it comes on the radio a lot, but Mama doesn't like it . . ."

"WHAT?" I am scrambling to catch up, although I think I know where this is heading.

"Yea, you always say, 'I can't listen to crap,' and you change the station."

"Oh, yea. You're right, there is crap music."

"Mama, how do you tell crap music from the other kinds?"

I keep your picture upon the wall . . . it hides a messy stain that's lying there...

"You hear that? Crap music has lyrics like that."

*****

Big boys don't cry, big boys don't cry...

Yea, unless they have to listen to crap like that. That song is by "10cc," whose name always reminded me of having to produce a urine specimen on demand.

So tell me some lyrics that are your idea of "crap music."

CORRECTION: Closet Metro has advised me that this was a '70s song. It sure sounds like '80s, but I stand corrected on that crap.

65 heads are better than one . . .

Blogger Amy said...

In grade ten I had a boyfriend whose name was Norman and he used to sit on my porch and sing, very badly,

TAKE, these BROKEN WINGS!
And learn to FLY AGaIN!
And learn to LIVE SO FR-EE-EE!

He was not my boyfriend for very long.

 
Blogger Closet Metro said...

Well, umm, I've always liked that 10cc song, so what do I know? (Other than it isn't a lame 80's song. It hit number 2 on the Billboard chart in 1975. It may be a lame 70's song, but kindly leave the best decade of music ever in the history of notes out of this.)

and Amy, Mr. Mister rocks, even if your ex-boyfriend murdered the song.

 
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Bwahahahahaaha -- CRAP Music! Wonderful!

 
Blogger Nilbo said...

See, to me, there's crap music and crap lyrics, and the two are different. I can enjoy a song even if I have to consciously block out what it's saying - example: "In the desert, you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no fame." I don't even know where to start with that lyric, except to say "DUDE - You're IN THE DESERT. For days and days. You have fuck all else to do. NAME YOUR GODDAMN HORSE."

Wanna know what lyric always drove me crazy? "We used to say "Live and Let Live" ... But if this everchanging world in which we live in ..." ACCCKKKK! IN WHICH WE LIVE IN? NOOOOO. "In which we live"? Sure. "Which we live in"? OK, not perfectly grammatical, but certainly acceptable. But "In which we live in"? PICK ONE AND GO WITH IT, PAUL.

Incidentally ... Paul turned 64 years old this week. Watch for a lyric change.

 
Blogger eclectic said...

Clo-Met, I love you for defending Mr. Mister!!, although, Amy, I totally empathize with bad boyfriend singing. That could ruin me on a song forever. I had the cassette of that album and it was STOLEN from my dorm room. At a private, church school. I miss it still. **sniffle**

Susie, LG needs to be mine for awhile. I can't believe you have this live-in entertainment center all to yourself, each and every day. Lucky!!

And most 'acid country' is crap to me, although I like the more moderate variety.

Oh dear. Have I said too much?

 
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Acid country? Someone 'splain please...

 
Blogger eclectic said...

Well, you know... if 'acid rock' is well, 'acid'; then by extension, 'acid country' is... well, really corrosive.

 
Blogger Lori said...

"Werewolves of London" is probably my number one crap song at the moment, though there are many more that I could name.

Gah. If I believed in hell, that would be its soundtrack, played on an endless loop.

And it would end only when it was time to play a Celine Dion or Barry Manilow song.

 
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Whoa whoa whoa... Lori, are you saying Barry Manilow is crap music?! Oh no you diddin!

 
Blogger Squirl said...

"We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun"

"And you're havin' my baby. What a wonderful way of sayin' how much you love me"

"Billy, don't be a hero"

"The cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little Boy Blue and the man in the moon"

And many, many more!

 
Blogger Ern said...

I HATE stupid lyrics! They are likely to make me go on a mini-rant. Two of the most annoying offenders, if you ask me are:

"Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down. I'll follow you down but not that far."
Well now that wouldn't be ANYWHERE, would it!?

and

"I said what about Breakfast at Tiffany's and she said I think I remember the film and as I recall, I think we both kind of liked it, so I said well that's one thing we've got!"
It's so bad I don't even know where to break up the lines. Where to even start? She says you have nothing in common and all you can come up with is that there was that one movie one time that you both sorta liked!? Yeah, I think you really SHOULD break up.

Luckily neither of those songs plays very much anymore.

 
Blogger Ern said...

Hey, Squirl, I like Cat's in the Cradle!

 
Blogger MrsDoF said...

I did a Google search about Michael Bolton. It seems he has written several songs of which I am rather fond, and allows other people to make them famous.
However, anytime I hear his raspy, non-note hitting voice on the radio, I simply Must switch the station.
Thank you for giving this tendency a name, ie 'crap music'.

 
Anonymous SUB said...

In the early 60's my mother heard my singing And the Heavens Cried by Ronnie Savoy not knowing I was doing it sarcastically. She or Santa gave me the 45 for Christmas (along with some noncrap 45's).
My grandmother used to get a kick out of my cousin singing Listen to the Rhythm of the Falling Rain while in the bathroom.
jcunevj = a video jockey with a j-wedgie. Something like the atomic one.

 
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Eclectic -- does this mean you don't think my tractor is sexy? Don't tell my heart, my achey breaky heart, I just don't think it'd understand...

 
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Crap Lyrics - "Someone left a cake out in the rain..."

 
Blogger Annejelynn said...

whoa - Nilbo, did you just afront the band "America" - ????

back up there Nilbo - back up right now
(giggling)

 
Blogger Annejelynn said...

sweet Kelli, I'm sorry to break this to you, but emphatically, YES, Barry Manillow is CRAP music - definitely without question... warning: don't anyone know start a round of Mandy or anything. Don't try pulling that kind of shit here. Susie's too classy for that (Susie, please don't tell me you love the Barry - puhhleeeze)

 
Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

" I wanna rock n roll all night and party every day" Repeat 50 thousand times. ugh

"Hit me baby one more time" Yes please, someone hit her.

"Ice Ice Baby".. oh my god.

"Let me see that thong tha thong thong" I could of gone temporarily deaf and that would of been ok with me.

" She looks like a flower but she stings like a bee, like every girl in history" What? And you would know that how Mr. oh no Im not gay..

 
Blogger Candace said...

I can't believe you didn't mention punk. I'm just going to assume that you did in fact mention it but just didn't put it in the post for brevity's sake.

Yeah, that's got to be it.

As for lyrics, oh there are so very many that drive me batshit, I couldn't possibly know where to start.

 
Anonymous jessica_deva said...

"we built this city, we built this city on ROCK AND ROLL..."

oh, god, need I say more?

I'm afraid that if I choose any more they will be stuck in my head all day...

 
Blogger Susie said...

Oh, thank you, you guys are amusing me tremendously :)

amy, well, of COURSE his name was Norman. Such a Norman.

CM, I couldn't believe you, but I did find that. It doesn't SOUND like a 70s song . . . ah, well, crap is timeless . . .

ck, pwahahhahahaha (just laughing with you )

nilbo, aw hell, yea, that "in which we live in" crap is inexcusable -- especially by Paul freakin' McCartney!

eclectic, LG is priceless, indeed. Like CK, you got me on the acid country, although I wondered if it involved a serious twang, which perhaps it does...

but lori, at least Werewolves of London has "Ah - Ooooooooooo" which is kind of fun to sing. Fun can sometimes neutralize the crap factor.

squirl, ah, yes [Cut off their] Air Supply! Hey, didn't we do this at Bucky's a while back? Yea, I think I started it in the comments there, must've needed to get it off my chest. "Havin' My Baby," is so wrong. There is a country song, I think it used to be on a sitcom, was there a show called Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman? Anyhow, one of the lyrics was "Though a girl would be delightin', it sure would be excitin' to have my baby boy's baby boy." PUKE.

ern, I'm with you on those two, and I do like Cat's in the Cradle because I do like a song that tells a story. As long as it's not a stupid-ass story...

mrsdof, my SIL used to be in love with Michael Bolton. I'm having a hard time remembering his songs just now, but he didn't really offend me.

sub, I don't know the heavens crying song, you're OLD. But the peeing song is good; many crap songs can appropriately be sung in the bathroom, it would seem.

CK, I HATE that tractor song, and LG has asked me what it means. I truly do not know WTF it means; however, Achey Breaky is so bad it's good, in my opinion, citing the fun factor, a la "Werewolves of London" as previously explained :) And I object on SO MANY levels to anyone leaving a cake out in the rain.

annejelynn, yes, Nilbo DID. Barry? OK, I'm not a fan, but I do have a certain appreciation for him. And then, there's the fun/story factor: Her name was Lola . . .

JR, I'm with you, but once again, I must cite the fun factor with the Thong tha thong thong thong! It's wrong wro wrong wrong wrong, but almost irresistible, not unlike "My milkshake . . . "

misfit, yea, there are many more that I didn't list. There are zillions, when we started trying to name all we could think of.

jessicad, oh yea, didn't mrtl go off on that recently? If you weren't at mrtl's for that, you should go over there and sing that to her; she'll love you for it:)

 
Blogger WILLIAM said...

Crap-tastic. Without Crap music the rest of the music would not be as good.

"Sussudio..Suss suss sussudio."

 
Blogger Susie said...

yes, william! WHAT IS THAT? I like Phil Collins, but that shit ain't right.


issjav

I don't know, iss it? Maybe it iss jav.

 
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

*clapping and jumping up and down*

Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl
With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there
She would merengue and do the cha-cha
And while she tried to be a star, Tony always tended bar
Across a crowded floor, they worked from 8 till 4
They were young and they had each other
Who could ask for more?

 
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

That Phil Collins song bugs me, too... change the lyrics to Su-Su-Susio and instantly add a fun factor!

 
Anonymous Susio said...

CK, you FUN girl, I lug you :)

Oo-pie-down
Boy, you turn me
Inside out and
Round and round

Oo-pie-down
You turn me,
You're givin' love instinctively...

That song sucks, except for the you-know-what part.

 
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

I lug you, too. ;)

 
Blogger Nilbo said...

Ooo-pie-down? Ummm ... OK, you were imitating a child singing "Upside down", right? And it's not misheard lyrics, like how for years I thought it was "The ants are my friends ..." and a buddy's kid brother asked us why, if he was so rich, Paul McCartney would be doing commercials for Mulligan Tire ...

... right?

 
Blogger mrtl said...

In a dog's life
A year is really more like seven
And all too soon a canine
Will be chasing cars in doggie heaven

Here's a link to the rest, because I know you want more.

I hate Rush.

 
Blogger eclectic said...

Susie, you DID NOT just start singing that! Aaa-aaaauggh!!!!! I could teach you, but I'd have to charge.

 
Blogger Susie said...

nilbo, yes, that is CK's Sweet Pea's language; I get "Mulligan Tire," but what is OH WAIT, the ants are my friends, they're blowin' in the wind! Right? You might enjoy browsing at http://www.amiright.com
All misheard lyrics, all the time.

mrtl, ohlordno, don't want any songs with "doggie heaven" in them.

eclectic, damn right, it's better than yours ;)

 
Blogger this.is.damon said...

As a songwriter, I strive to make lyrics that don't sucks. I don't want my music classified under the Crap genre AKA the $1 CD bin at your local music store ;)

 
Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

LG really knows how to get to the root of the whole conversation. I love her.

 
Blogger Ern said...

Does LG know she's got her own online fan club?

 
Blogger Squirl said...

Okay, Susie and Ern. I probably liked Cat's in the Cradle the first, oh 100-150 times I heard it. After that I couldn't stand it any more.

And AAAAGGGHHHHH! Someone left the cake out in the rain. NOOOOO!

I was only bringing up some really lame 70s songs.

 
Blogger Nina said...

Last night I was at a lecture about dependency, addiction and rehabilitation. The man giving the lecture is past president and 10 year board member of the National Association of Alcoholism and Drug Abuse Counselors. A noted expert, has authored numerous articles and publications in the addiction field. However, he did not know how to lecture. The man next to me fell asleep and was snoring. I sat in a room full of mental health professional thinking Bucky that is it. We need Bucky here doing the flash dance removing bra thing. That would even keep the man sitting next to me awake. So now I have to rethink this whole "Flash Dance" thing and music. Doubt I can convice them to put next years lecture to music. :0
I would sit through that lecture again rather than to listen to:
Afternoon Delight, Kung Fu Fighting, and Seasons In The Sun. I am sure I could come up with more.
I JUST love your daughter ~ yes LG there is music known as CRAP . . . listen to your mother, she is a smart woman.

 
Blogger Susie said...

damon, you would never be a crapwriter ;)

kranki, she really does get right to the point ;)

ern, that's very sweet; I guess she sort of does know :)

squirl, I don't think that I can take it, 'cause it took so long to bake it . . . WTF does any of that mean? Does ANYONE know?

 
Blogger Susie said...

hey, nina, you were commenting while I was. It's official, you've crossed over into wherever it is that the rest of us have crossed over into: sitting in real world thinking that your blogfriends would really liven the place up! We have a little battery-operated hamster in kung-fu garb, with numchucks(sp?) who sings, in a chipmunk-y voice, "Everybody was kung-fu fighting..." Drives the dog crazy. I have gone to a seminar on borderline personality disorder where the presenter played Madonna's "Borderline" (feel like I'm going to lose my mind . . .) at breaks and such. Also one on Bi-Polar Disorder where the guy played -- was it Billy Joel -- "I don't know why I go to extremes; too high and too low, there ain't no in-between..." I like it when presenters incorporate pop culture, although a little can go a long way.

 
Blogger Alisa said...

O.K., in Junior High my best friend and I loved Vanilla Ice (I don't know why), Motley Crew (Smoking In the 'Girls' Room) and the movie Grease 2 (un-pardonable, I know).

Something grabs a hold of me tightly, Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly,....Take heed, 'cause I'm a lyrical poet, Miami's on the scene just in case you didn't know it.....

and

Let's bowl, let's bowl, let's rock n roll, C'mon everybody get the show on the road.
Let's bowl, let's bowl, let's rock n roll, When the stakes are high and the winner takes all...
We're gonna boooowwwll tonite,
We're gonna boooowwwll to-ni-ite
We're gonna rock
we're gonna roll
we're gonna bop
We're gonna bowl

Oh, Hey and "Who's that guy?"

O.k. - I need to rent the movie and re-live this now. See what you've done?

 
Blogger Nina said...

Laughing" yes I have crossed over. I am thinking I want to go to the seminars you do.
Borderline personality disorder with Madonna's "Borderline" (feel like I'm going to lose my mind. And Bi-Polar Disorder with "I don't know why I go to extremes; too high and too low, there ain't no in-between..."
Now that is what I am talking about. Those are the ones I WANT to attend. ;)

 
Blogger Ern said...

You're right, Squirl--overplay can kill even the best song.

"Rollin' in my 5.0 with my ragtop down so my hair can blow!" (Did his hair even move?)

I'm off to dinner with some flesh and blood people now, but I bet some of you would make the evening even rowdier!

 
Blogger Susie said...

tsk, tsk, tsk alisa, grrrrl, you need some serious help ;)

nina, do you travel much for workshops and such? We might actually run into each other somewhere! Or, hey, let's put on our own workshop! ;)

ern, I hope they don't play crap music at the restaurant -- but if they do, come back and tell us about it!

 
Blogger Squirl said...

Susie and Nanina, Bucky really would liven up the place. It's funny, of course, for me to think of Bucky as not in the "real world". :-)

 
Blogger Susie said...

heh, heh squirl, come on, Bucky is totally NOT in the real world a lot of the time; you MUST know this ;)

Hey, I just realized, she hasn't been here! Pro'ly out beating up some Christians somewhere!

 
Anonymous sub said...

I Rathe a Bottle in Front of Me Than a Frontal Lobotomy

wlpdcki = whelp duckie

 
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Aaaaaah, I've just put two missionaries in their place...
I must have cache problems, 'cause I swear Rosa Parks was still the top post when I checked earlier...grrrrr..

And so many of the songs I would've picked, already picked.

And NO, I try not to live in the "real world." Too many hemmerhoids.

"Come on back, Teddy Bear."

"We gonna have a convoy..."

"Muhammed...Muhammed Ali - floats like a butterly, stings like a bee."

"Wake me up before you go-go" (ooooh, mrtl is gonna kick my ass for that one)

 
Blogger Closet Metro said...

B4E - I'll kick your ass for affronting the lyrical genius of George Michael. Bite your forked tongue, devil woman.

 
Blogger eclectic said...

Susie - THAT's poetry, man. *sigh*

ClosetM, I'm sure B4E didn't really mean it. It was probably just a Careless Whisper.

***heh heh***

 
Blogger Susie said...

sub, well, since you've had both, you are certainly qualified to choose between the two ;)

bucky, looks like mrtl's gonna have to get in line behind CM! And as for the Teddy Bear, convoy, etc. Some of those older country songs are beyond crap and into horrifying. Cuntway springs to mind, "With your hair all up in curlers and your faded cotton gown . . . Darlin' how I'd love to lay you down!"

CM, I know, but at least she didn't insult his ass.

eclectic, I'm sure you're right, Bucky probably has guilty feet about the whole thing, now. Oh, and when you called Closet Metro "Clo-Met"? That's the drug I took to get pregnant with LG!

 
Blogger Nilbo said...

Susie, Susie, Susie ... you don't get pregnant from drugs. God, Bucky ... did you not teach this woman ANYTHING?

 
Blogger Nina said...

Susie I would love to run into you at a workshop. You are so right I am sure we could put on a really exciting workshop. And Squirl, one of us gets to know the "real life" Bucky . . . the rest have to just imagine. I was so glad I read her Flash dance post before going to the lecture, it got me through it. ;)

 
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

"Rap" isn't supposed to be "crap," but it is.

 
Blogger Susie said...

nilbo, some drugs, as well as alcohol, absolutely do cause pregnancy.

nina, I always smile when I see your profile pic now; it reminds me of you and John :)

hoss, I cannot argue with you, at least in some cases.

 
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Uh oh, I've aroused the ire of the George Michael brigade. Um...I was making fun of Andrew Ridgely with that comment. Yeah, that's the ticket. Not a word about George and his luscious but so-not-for-me butt.

And if you're going to insult rap, at least have the decency to exclude "Baby Got Back" and "Funky Cold Medina." Those are timeless classics which still bring a tear to my eye and a wiggle to my ever-expanding ass.

 
Blogger Nilbo said...

George's butt is so not for anyone of your gender, Bucky ...

Susie, I'm reminded of the health teacher in school who said "There are some kids who think you can get VD from toilet seats. You can't. But it's very common to get it from the back seats of certain cars."

And really - shouldn't this post have been originally tittled "Music DEpreciation 101"?

 
Blogger Nina said...

(Smile) I hadn't thought about the profile picture looking like John and I, but you are right it does. Now I will look at it differently.

 
Blogger Squirl said...

Okay, I'm a spoiled rotten brat. I'm disappointed that you actually have a life and didn't get to put up your Sunday post.

*pouting*

 
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

To me, this is nothing but CRAP:

"You want what you can't have,
ooh girl that's too damn bad,
don't touch what you can't grab,
end up with two backhands,
Put anthrax on a tampax,
and slap you till you can't stand,
Girl you just blew your chance,
don't mean to ruin your plans."

 
Blogger Susie said...

bucky, you're right, I'm not a rap hater. I'm a songs-about-hatin' hater, but how could I hate anything that makes you cry and wiggle your ass?

nilbo, perhaps "Music Identification"?

nina, I'm surprised, I figured you chose it with that in mind. Must have been unconscious ;)

squirl, no worries, sis, I ain't got no stinkin' life! I got your hook-up, now.

ssnick, I don't know what that's from, but I have to concur: CRAP.

 
Blogger Lori said...

I just heard a new song (maybe not new on the airwaves, but certainly new to ME) this weekend that would definitely qualify. Poetically entitled "My Humps" from the Black-Eyed Peas.

The name of the song alone isn't too promising...but if you stick around long enough to hear its lyrics, the true crappiness of this song becomes fully apparent.

To wit:

"What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.

What u gon’ do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I’m a make, make, make, make you scream
Make u scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.

My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps.
In the back and in the front."

How eloquent.

 
Blogger Susie said...

lori, I usually enjoy the Black Eyed Peas, but ... wow, I can't really see me singing that one around the house :0

 
Anonymous lawbrat said...

I remember all my life
raining down as cold as ice.
Shadows of a man,
a face through a window cryin' in the night,
the night goes into

Morning just another day;
happy people pass my way.
Looking in their eyes,
I see a memory I never realized
how happy you made me.

Oh Mandy well,
you came and you gave without taking,
but I sent you away.
Oh, Mandy well,
you kissed me and stopped me from shaking,
and I need you today. Oh, Mandy!



I LOVE me some Barry. Dont mess with Barry.

 
Blogger Sadie Lynn said...

I went to see a comedian once, that said every man claims to hate Barry Manilow, but that they secretly know all the words.

Pulled four of us on stage and after we claimed "no" very strongly - he began to sing a line of Copa. Now that is one of those horrible songs that you just have to sing along to. It's like a train-wreck, you really do want to walk away, but damn.

So here I stand on a stage in a small club in Tiffin, Ohio, singing Copa. Wondering how my life could get any worse, then I looked out and saw three co-workers - including my boss - in the audience.

Haven't gone to see a comedian since!

 
Blogger Sadie Lynn said...

On the note of crappy music...one of the local stations did a flashback lunch yesterday, so I'm stuck at a train listening to "OPP".

When a line jumps right out at me...

"Its like my name is tatooed on your kitty."

How could I have listened to this song for years, loving the "You know me" part, without hearing this?

 


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