Biscuit Friday ~ Devil Dog
As you might have guessed by my absence in blogworld this week, I've been hugely busy. When I have a week like this, I need those nearest and dearest to cooperate with me. Jif and LG have been very supportive. Biscuit has NOT. Sometimes you people comment with things like, "Aw, he's so cute. How can you say he's bad?" I'll tell you how. He almost put me in the nut hut* this week.
Wednesday night, Biscuit had um, gas. Oh, who am I kidding? Is it a day that appears on the calendar? Yea, well, on those days, Biscuit had gas. He farted in our room all night long. I got up yesterday morning early to spend some time, I kid you not, reading the Bible. And to get away from the smell. Problem was, the farther I got away from our bedroom, and away from the source of the odor, the worse the odor became. As I went into the family room, turned on a lamp and sat down with my books, it was overpowering. It had finally happened. I was losing it. I was having olfactory hallucinations. And this is some serious shit, no pun intended. These hallucinations can mean things like psychosis, temporal lobe epilepsy, brain damage! They are a terrible affliction, because the sufferer (that would be me) walks around with the dreaded smell sort of right in their nose all the time! There's no escaping it. It can drive a person MAD!
Then I turned on another light. And saw the dog poop on the floor not three feet from my chair. About eight different locations of it, actually. INSERT BIG SIGH HERE. So I started cleaning it up, and I was overcome with gratitude. For what, you wonder. For hard dog poop. It all has to be cleaned up, and the hard is far preferable to the liquid. It was about a 50/50 gig I had there. Now what kind of day can you expect to have when you start it out giving thanks for hard dog poop?
I let the very bad dog out into the fenced back yard. And he R-U-N-N-O-F-T. Over the fence, VBD, away! When he returned some 20 minutes later, he looked like this:
Actually, I couldn't get him to cooperate well enough to get you a decent shot of him. If you could see up close, you would see that he looked just like THIS RIGHT HERE. For more information, google "the remarkable cocklebur."
*Forgive my use of professional jargon. "Nut hut" is the formal term for a psychiatric treatment facility.