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Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Christmascellaneous #2

December 22
At the new new-rollogist, who is a Howdy Doody/Doogie Howser combo platter. He does not impress me with either brilliance or sensitivity. I sit for many minutes, two separate times, on a purple vinyl exam table, in a white paper gown ("disrobe down to your undergarments, gown opens in the back") while he leaves the exam room to make phone calls. Checking on seriously ill patients? Nope. Calling stores at the mall looking for some damn thing that he has yet to buy, and must pick up after he leaves the office, after he finishes my alleged exam. I'm thinking he is not "the one." On to the next doc. (And who says "undergarments," for Doogie's sake!?)

December 23
Took LG to the final rehearsal of the church children's Christmas play, "Christmas, Where, When and Why." Left there thinking, "Dear Lord, these children need some help."

December 24
Somehow, between yesterday and today, prayers were answered, because the kids did an amazing job. LG played a wheelchair-bound paraplegic who realized she could still "bring Him glory, just the way I am." She sang a solo and did us all proud. And the other kids pulled it together, too. There were the two sisters, ages 12 and 7, who have "R" trouble, that is, all their Rs sound like Ws. And I don't know that I've ever heard anything sweeter than when they sang,

Do you wemember when you fiwst hewd the stowy of Jesus?
It's the stowy of a mangew, the stowy of some shephewds,
The stowy of angels singing peace on eawth,
It's the stowy of a Saviow, the stowy of a viwgin biwth,
The stowy of a pwomise fwom God's wowd.
I cried. So sweet.

Then there was this coooool duuuuude who sang "The Thought-that-Counts Blues," in which he lamented
I really tried to smile when my neighbor came by with a fruitcake casserole
And call me ungrateful, but my Grandma Mabel gave me reindeer-scented cologne


After the "R Song," that one was my favorite :)

Before we went to bed, LG prepared Santa's milk and cookies, and the reindeers' carrots, and she also left a note and her VideoNow camera, telling Santa (sic), "I would very much love a picture of you. If its not to much troble, please take one. The directions are with the camera." And she left the directions.

December 25
Everyone at the Fairchild home must have been good this past year, because Santa was very generous. I got a couple of books, an outfit, some blingage (a diamond circle pendant), and other good stuff. Biscuit only got two gifts, and for some reason, Indie the fish got none (still trying to explain that), but everyone else was quite happy on Christmas morning. Santa left LG a note, saying, "I had my elf take a picture of me by your tree. I will email it to you soon. Ho Ho Ho."


Then it was on to join Jif's family at Nana and Pop Pop's. They really do an extravaganza of both food and gifts. This was their first time hosting a family Christmas since they moved to their smaller (though still plenty big) retirement home.



My FIL is, despite all the stories told of his younger, more under-the-influence days, quite the proper gentleman, and notoriously faithful to hearth and home, family values and the like. So what my BIL and I did to him on Christmas day in his own home was probably especially inappropriate. We were looking through old photo albums, old as in from the 30s and 40s. More often than not, if we couldn't figure out a great aunt or uncle, we'd call my MIL over to the table to make the I.D. Then we came upon a book that pre-dated even her. It was my FIL's photo album from before they were married, some 53 years ago. There was a photograph in there of a very attractive brunette, in a tam, on a city sidewalk, with a signature on the front, "Love, Elma." We asked my MIL who Elma was. At first she offered it must be Aunt Alma, but we assured her that it was clearly an "E," not an "A," and that we knew Aunt Alma, and this hottie was no Aunt Alma. This was Love Elma. So MIL came over to look, and she had never heard of Elma. So we had to summon FIL. As he made his way to the table, I came upon another photo of someone who looked an awful lot like Elma, again, on a city street corner, but this time with not one, but THREE baby carriages around her, with young'uns from infancy to toddlerhood occupying them.

"Ooh, look, the plot thickens," I said, "here's Love Elma with the Love Children . . . "

My BIL and I were laughing by the time my FIL got to the table. BIL presented the photo of Love Elma to his 76-year-old father, saying, "Do you remember tappin' this?!"

Not quite understanding the question, FIL looked back and forth from Love Elma to BIL. He slowly answered, "No . . ."

So I presented FIL with the photo of (possibly) Love Elma and the three Love Children, asking, "Does THIS refresh your memory?"

By this time, other sibs and MIL had gathered to give him a hard time about Love Elma and the Love Children.

Later on, after the timer was set to take the 16-member family Christmas photo, when someone said, "Let's take one more . . ." I said, "We'll send this one to Elma!"

Elma, if you're out there, and you remember Joe from Carbondale, email me.

December 26
Ever a man of his word, Santa emailed LG, with the promised photograph, taken by his elf, Bucky ;)


20 heads are better than one . . .

Blogger Andrea said...

That Santa photo is BRILLIANT. Nice photoshopping skillz!

Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Hopefully you can keep up the Santa story for at least another year based on this.

"Do you remember tappin' this?"

BWAHAHAHAHHAAAA! You guys are evil!

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Susie! I LOVED this! As for LG and the VideoNow -- good gravy... is THAT what I have to look forward to now that Punkin has a digital camera? Yikes... I thought the note was bad...

Blogger eclectic said...

Oh man, now TWO of my sisters are guilty of conspiracy to commit internet fraud involving a minor... *sheesh* ;) The photo is brilliant!!

Blogger Lynn said...

Poor FIL! Very funny, though.

Blogger WILLIAM said...

So Who is Elma?

Anonymous Michelle said...

Wow it looks like Christmas was fantabulous in your home. Excellent! I am sorry about the cold manners new newrollisgist.....

Blogger Susie said...

andrea, what photoshopping?! Bucky the elf took that shot! ;)

buckytheelf, thank you :) I KNOW, isn't that horrible? And hilarious?

ck, anything you do may be photographed, now, ck.

eclectic, yea, good thing we have a lawyer in the family :)

lynn, yea, he didn't stand a chance.

william, we don't KNOW! He claims not to remember her.

michelle, yea, it was really great. Made up for the chilly doc.

Anonymous platypus said...

Lovely post and well done to Bucky for helping out. I bet LG was delighted when she saw that! I'm glad it's all going well - even if Doogie was a prat.

Anonymous sharkey said...

At least you can rule Doogie out right away--no need to waste your time on him.

For some reason, the photo of the table is "speaking" to me today--something about all those mismatched chairs is really cool. Just think of the stories they could tell. Hey, maybe they remember Elma.

Blogger The other me said...

Oh I so want to be in that room with the squishy chair and the gifts....I know that lovely times have been had in that room! The santa picture is sheer brilliance.

Blogger Squirl said...

Now we all want to know who Elma is.

Gotta love that Santa picture. I hope Santa has a better newrolligist in his bag still waiting for you. :)

Blogger Ortizzle said...

Oh, gosh, now you've opened a can of worms on the Elma thing, ha, ha. She's probably pushing up daisies, although you never know...

Loved the Santa by the tree! Good to heaw that youw Chwistmas was weally gweat!

Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Susie, this was a wonderful chronicle! The photographs were splendid. Thank you for sharing.

Blogger Nina said...

I love it the Santa photo!! Sorry about the new-rollogist . . . Grrrrr.

Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

Sounds like your Christmas was filled with fun and laughter and joy. Even with a wanky doc pushing your Peeve Buttons. I see a new career for Bucky-maintaining the Santa Myth.

Blogger August95 said...

Happy Christmas Susie. What a great post. That picture is a hoot. Great job Bucky.

Hope you have a wonderful new year.

Blogger whfropera said...

just call her blue-screen Bucky

Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

And here I always thought I was the crusher of dreams...

Blogger Susie said...

platy, she was very pleased, and has shown everyone she can. That will go in the keeping box, for sure :)

shawkey, curiously, two friends recommended him to me. They had more clearcut maladies, so perhaps that made a difference. He wants to do the nerve studies that the other doc was slowly getting around to doing, so I'm just going back to the first "bad" doc for now. I do think he's (first doc) bright, even tho he's an ass.
I love the table and chairs, too; in fact, that's my wallpaper for now :)

t.o.m., I would very much have liked having your company in that squishy chair :)

squirl, yea, going back to the old one while getting on a waiting list for one who specializes in ALF, in the hope that such a doc can tell me for sure that it's not that.

owtizzle, hee, yes, it was gweat, awight! Love Elma looked a lot like Jackie Kennedy Onassis, but I don't wanna start nothin' like that...

ssnick, you're welcome! I thought it was kinda like your family Christmas post :)

nina, me, too, and yes, me too on the grrrr.

kranki, I think you're right. People could send Bucky the Elf pix of their trees, and she could send them back with the fat man beside them.

august, thank you, love, and I hope you have a great year, too :)

operagirl, I've called her a LOT of things, but that's new; I can do that.

bucky, never a crusher. Of all the things you've done to dreams . . . never a crusher.


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