We Not Only Lie at Christmas; We STEAL, Too!
I swear we didn't mean to.
It was last night. We had been to the mall. (Here I must pause to high-five Jesus and anyone who's been praying for me. My WTFy legs taking me through the mall at the end of the day is truly a Christmas miracle.) THE MALL. At night, the week before Christmas. So we were in a weakened, vulnerable state. A grumpy state. A spacey state. A hungry state.
When we got home, there were the boxes that perch on our porch almost daily now, courtesy of the UPS man. One of them was a Harry & David box. That means some good things to eat! We know this, because we've gotten them before, from nice people. So we bring it in. It's the Deluxe Gift Tower! Woohoo!
Weakened, vulnerable, grumpy, spacey, hungry Jif holds it aloft, like Simba in the Lion King. Woohoo!
"Ha! Hold it like Simba again, let me get a picture!" Woohoo!
Then I take over. "Let's see . . . we've got your chocolate covered cherries . . . got your truffles . . . got your mixed nuts . . . got some very pretty apples . . . and . . . pears!" Woohoo!
Then Jif takes over again. And I, from the comfort of the family room couch, ask him, "Hey! Who's it from?"
"Says . . . Harry & David."
"Does not! Find the card!" Woohoo! Chocolate covered cherries!
"Says . . . Jane and Will Johnson. They thank us for our support." Woohoo!
"Woo . . . WHO?" We don't know Jane and Will Johnson. We look more closely. It's our address on the label. But it's NOT OUR NAME! The Deluxe Gift Tower was NOT OURS! It was sent to The Gorillas, at our address. We bought our house from the Gorillas. Five years ago! Oh, &%^$! One truffle and two cherries had already been consumed.
Really, how much support could the Gorillas be to the Johnsons if they moved 5 years ago and never even told them? We would be much more supportive than that.
(Tune in next time for, "And We Cheat!")