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Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Bass Ackwards

If you've been around here in the last few months (ohdearlord, it really has been months!), you know that I suffer from WTF Disease (thanks to Traci and MoDis for identifying it as such). Its symptoms are varied and too numerous to mention, but among the most distressing of them are: throat problems -- constriction, hoarseness, aching; fatigue, at least a couple of hours each day when I could lie down and die on the spot, lethargy beyond the flu, beyond pneumonia, just unable to function, to speak, to think; and doctors who appear to believe I am, in a word, nuts.

Early Sunday evening, I was hit by the fatigue thing and just sat motionless on the couch for a long while. Then I began to cry, as I sometimes do. Not often, but every now and then, that's just what I need to do. The phone rang and I shook my head at Jif, to say, "I don't care who it is, I'm not talking." So what does he do? "Yea, she's right here..." and he hands me the phone. I only had the energy to give him a dirty look.

On the phone was Joyce, a beautiful older woman from my church who has really been through some crap. She said that God told her to call me right then. I didn't even try to pretend I wasn't crying. Joyce had seen me cry just a couple of weeks ago when I stopped in the church office and she was there volunteering, as she so often does. She had said to me then, out of the blue, "Don't you give up. I know what it's like to have doctors look at you like you're crazy when you tell them how you feel. It took me 13 years for them to find out what's wrong with me."

I knew, or thought I knew, that Joyce has M.S. I didn't know about the 13 years. I said, "It took them 13 years to diagnose your M.S.?"

"I don't have M.S.! Just last year, they told me I have Paget's disease." That pushed my crying button. The thought of going all those years with a mystery illness . . . I said a quick goodbye and left.

So here was this woman, who had been through all of that, and she's calling me because God told her to. And she's telling me about her late husband, who died before I met her. I try to stop thinking about me and talk about her instead. I ask her how her husband died. She tells me about years of diabetes and kidney failure. Double leg amputations, blindness, deafness, dialysis, during which she cared for him. And she's telling me that he often asked her, "How can you go around smiling and laughing, with all that you're dealing with?" And the short answer was, that's what she decided to do. She told me about talking to God a lot, asking to be healed a lot, and choosing to live with joy every moment she possibly could.

By the time we ended our conversation, my fatigue spell was passing. I told Jif and LG that I wanted to take a walk. As we walked and talked, LG ratted me out for a fashion faux pas from earlier in the day. She and I had gone to the eye doc in the mall to pick up my new contact lenses. As we took a shortcut through a department store, I realized that my shirt was on backwards. It's a long-sleeved tee, with a colorful all-over print that looks like a Mediterranean seaside. On the front, though, are a few tiny colored glass beads here and there.

So LG is making fun of me, and I explain to Jif, "Yea, and the only reason I realized it was on backwards is because the tag that belongs in the back was poking me in the neck in the front, and I'm all, 'oh no, another damned throat thing is happening . . . ' so when I reached up to touch my throat, and felt the pokey tag, then I looked down and . . . no beads . . . they must be in the back . . . oh no . . . I'm losin' it here . . . "

And then it occurs to Jif, "Hey, maybe that's it! Maybe you've just been wearing your clothes backwards all this time!" And we three laughed like we needed to.

I will discuss this with the docs. Wearing your clothes backwards can cause all sorts of ailments. Or, it could be one more symptom to add to the list. I'll email Dr. B: "I have discovered yet another symptom over the weekend. I put my shirts on backwards now." Somehow, I don't think he'll be surprised.

Public Service Announcement : JUST SAY NO
(for William)

dining room window

This is my dining room window.

brain on drw

This is my brain on my dining room window.

Any questions?

file under: &Partial Nudity &Family &Can't Make This Stuff Up &WTF Disease

48 heads are better than one . . .

Blogger Susie said...

fyi, no news yet from the MRI. They said it would take a couple of days. Even then, I don't know if anything will be "conclusive." For how the MRI went, please see my last comment on the previous post. Thank you. Again, so much, for everything. Big hugs to you.

Blogger Karen said...

I enjoyed seeing your brain on your dining room window. (Um, is it wrong to say that?)

Hang in there. It sounds to me like God is on your side. (Um, is it wrong to say that?)

I might be 0 for 2 here, so I'm going to quit now.


Blogger WILLIAM said...

You have the lovliest brain on the internet. And If I may add I do not know how Jif keeps his hands off of you with you having such a hot Medula Oblongata.:)

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you could be starting a decorating trend here! First with the x-rays and now the MRI's. Soon everyone in the neighborhood will want to chat with your decorator!

Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Oh man. If you publish a coffee table book about window treatments, I promise to buy it AND a coffee table to put it on.


[I've always found the mall to be a great place to find laughter too. Sorry if that was you I was giggling at with the tag and all. hehe]

Blogger Jim said...

I think we should all fly to wherever you are, Susie, once the docs find out conclusively that you have shin splints and have a party.

In the meantime, your curtains are so tasteful they make my teeth hurt and I'm jealous because mine look like the ones you see in those haunted house movies. My mother has a tendancy to slop her coffee all over them. *sigh*.

Anonymous RzDrms said...

i think your pink brain is the prettiest of them all.

Blogger LadyBug said...

I love you, Susie. And I'm praying for you...every moment, every day. May God bless you and keep you and your family.

Blogger Candace said...

Okay, I'm certainly not a doctor, and I have no idea what tests have been run, but have they tested for West Nile? It sounds like you have a lot of the same symptoms that the Dooce-Man has and he was tested for West Nile (don't know what the results were/are).

Just a thought.

Sometimes laughter is, indeed, the best medicine.

Blogger Andrea said...

All I could think when I saw your MRI images was: wow...what a lovely round head Susie has :)

I've totally been there with the shirt on backwards thing. Once the tag was sticking out too. I can only imagine the odd looks I must have gotten!

Hugs to you...still thinking about you.

Blogger Nina said...

I will have to ask Dr. John, but I think I see the spot on your brain that has you wearing your clothes backwards. I think that is easy enough to fix. :)
I'm am glad that you still can laugh through your tears. It is oh so important.

Anonymous Michelle said...

WTF disease is the worst. I have been an acitve member of the medical community for many reasons over the years and the worst encoutners are when you FEEL these things and no one gets it. Hang tough. Sending positive vibes along. Those are FASCINATING images.

Anonymous RzDrms said...

and, by the way, i totally understand now wtf kind of disease is affecting you. you have the rare but very hilarious head on backwards disease. please don't be alarmed, susie. doctors are simply reluctant to diagnose this malady since they often cannot stop laughing long enough. symptoms include putting one's shirts on properly, but thinking they're incorrect since one's head is on backwards. causes stem from people making one so crazy that one's head spins in circles, drinking alcohol on an empty stomach resulting in a head-spinning night out, and constantly keeping an eye on our kids so much that we develop eyes in the backs of our heads. one cure is a "comb over," similar to what balding people do.

Blogger Effie said...

So I see that all those warm fuzzy feelings we were sending your way worked REALLY well--it made you all warm and fuzzy--so much so that it made your brain all pink!

So, if your head is on backwards, that means you get a better view of your tush? I saw that on a movie once...I think it was "SpaceBalls" or something equally intelligent!

Hugs to you my dear! Go visit William if you're feeling up to it!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Susie, I love you muchly and if Blogger allows me to comment, I will tell you I'm sending you big, big hugs and I like Jim's suggestions about flying to wherever you are and having a party. I like it alot. :)

Love, hugs, prayers and good vibes,

Blogger SoozieQ said...

Because I'm a slow learner and would probably do drugs if someone asked me if I wanted to....are you trying to say "Just say NO to dining room windows?"

What IS it with William!??! First you have a "nice flank" and now he's ogling your Medulla Oblongata?!?! What a total PERV! ;-)

Blogger Amy said...

i hate to say it but I think your lovely curtains may clash a bit with the pink head.

Anonymous Sharkey said...

Yeah, I was noticing the pink head too. Perhaps therein lies your answer. :)

You know how they say no news is good news? My doc says that with radiologists it's particularly true. If it's bad news, they can't get that report off their desks and into your doc's hands fast enough. And trust me--I've learned that lesson through experience.

I like Joyce--I think she's got it figured out. I like you too. Hope you get some good news soon. Just let us know the date and time for that party you'll be havin'.

Blogger dashababy said...

Oh dear, mom has a similiar problem. We must do a check before she leaves the house to see if her clothes are on right side out. I've actually become infected on occasion.
Thank God for people like Joyce.
For the record, you made me cry just a little too.

Blogger Lynn said...

Susie, My husband will sometimes put his shirts on both inside out and backwards - and there's nothing wrong with him!

Anonymous RzDrms said...

oh, and p.s. head on backwards disease is also likely the cause of your throat problems -- constriction, hoarseness, aching -- since a twisted neck like that certainly gets your throat all in a jumble. ;)

(however, it looks like your google ads have their own diagnosis for you: "Gas, Bloating, Flatulence" and "Bloating & Endometriosis." just fabulous!)

Anonymous peaches said...

I'm glad you made it through the mri intact!

With all the praying going on, answers are sure to follow. The timing of the answers will be the exact right time.

There are so many times where we just dont understand God's timing, yet its always perfect. We want it sooner, or later, or sometimes not at all- but His timing is always the right time.

With regard to timing- the card you sent me came just in time. It was a very bad day, and it lifted my spirits so much and reminded me to hold His hand. Thank you.

Blogger The other me said...

I can cure the throat thing due to tags digging in, wear your clothes inside out, I do that and despite having 6 children and husband with 2 pairs of spectacles, no-one ever tells me. I am nought but an object of humiliation. I am also a liitle envious that all I have on my dining room window are handprints and smudges. I am pretty sure that I shall never have either lovely drapey, pretty curtans or pink brain in my window. that sucks.

Anonymous kalki said...

This is awesome.

Blogger Squirl said...

Or you could wear your underpants inside out. This is something only you will notice, maybe after the fourth or fifth time you go to the bathroom. Nobody'll know unless you tell. And you know what they say about don't ask, don't tell.

You know, I was under the impression, before, that pink is your favorite color. Now we can all see why.

Nice curtains.

Blogger eclectic said...

RazDreams is absolutely correct, head on backwards disease (or HOBD) will cause all of those symptoms and more. However, you clearly have your head on straighter and more beautifully than most, so I don't think you have HOBD. Whatever it is, can't hang around much longer with all the people like Joyce and us hanging around. What self-respecting disease could tolerate this for long?? Love to you!

Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

God sends us angels when we least expect them.

How long has your brain been on your dining room window? Do you think it may be time to put it back in your head? :(

Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

What a nice looking brain you have!
I think of you daily.

Blogger little sister said...

Whoowhoot! check out your Medulla Oblongata!!!!

glad Joyce called when you needed it! gah...chronic illness sucks, especially chronic WTF disease.

Blogger Susie said...

susie, what, now you're talking to yourself in comments, too? girl, you really ARE nuts...

karen, these things are not wrong; odd, perhaps, but not wrong. And the second one is not so much odd as backwards -- I want to be on God's side. But it's all good; odd and backwards are most welcome here :)

william, you silver-tongued devil, I told Jif what you said, and he agrees, says the only way he can resist is that I usually keep my hot m.o. covered up. I am modest, like that.

traci, just wait 'til I put my colonoscopy pix on the front door :)

mrB, so that was you laughing at me? I hope you're proud of yourself, mister. See if I autograph your coffee table book! ;)

jim, you cannot imagine how much I like that idea. I am honestly trying to imagine how that could happen, and bygolly, Jim, I think it can. You make me laugh so much, and I do so love you for that. The curtains were here when we got here. The windows are weird, so they pretty much had to be custom made. Only thing is, I want to change the wallpaper, then the curtains won't match. I thought of dying them, because I'm sure they'd be expensive to replace. But they're so elaborately rigged up there, I don't think I could get them down and back up. I might have to PAINT them. Whaddya think? And you just STOP about your mother! No she di'int slop her coffee on the curtains! cheez, you make me laugh :)

razz, I think that's the one that caused them to diagnose me with CCB: cotton candy brain :(

ladybug, thank you so much; I KNOW you are doing that, I absolutely feel it :)

candace, I think I have now been tested for every major river, from every compass direction. Still waiting for results on East Mississippi and South Yangtze :0

andrea, thank you, yes, my head is so round that British scientists use it to calibrate their instruments...oh,no, wait, that's not my head...never mind ;)

nina, yes, please do get the good doc to take a look at my brain. Bet he's never seen one in a dining room window before :)

michelle, thanks, honey. Sorry you've encountered WTF Disease. I'm trying to get some ribbons printed up for us sufferers. We need to make more of a statement, don't you think?

razz, this is brilliant. HOBD? Hobdy. Working on the combover, now...

effie, yea, instead of contemplating my navel, now I can contemplate my . . . EFFIE!! :) Thanks for sending me to William's. Very worth the trip.

CK, the party thing . . . why not? Why not a blogger get together in say, Baltimore? Stranger things have happened...

soozieq, or just say no to brains? ;) William is what we call a "niche flirter." Back in the day before he snagged his gorgeous wife, he was known for his technique of complimenting women on attributes which had never before even been acknowledged, much less praised . . . hence we see him passing out accolades for the flank, the medulla, etc., etc. It is a masterful technique, don't you think?

amy, and I don't know which will be harder to change (see comment to Jim) :)

shawkey, amen, to the radiologist thing and the Joyce thing . . . and the party thing, too!

dashababymama, I am honored to be included in such company as The Fonz. This means I need to get me a gun, doesn't it? ;)

lynn, yes, there IS! There is something wrong with him! ;)

razz, I do keep reaching new heights in blogging . . . *sniff* I never would have dared aspire to flatulence ads . . .

peaches, you are so much more than welcome. I am consistently delighted at how that timing thing works out. Gotta keep trusting that we'll get what we need when we need it. :)

t.o.m., you are too funny. Get some of those window markers, and let your little artists draw some brains in your window :)

kalki, I know you are, but what am I? (sorry, I don't know where the sudden peewee came from)

squirl, or I could wear my curtains for underpants . . . or I could hang my underpants in the window -- yea, at the rate I'm going, that one seems more likely. Seems like a BRAINY IDEA! (I love you.)

eclectic, I agree. I feel physically a smidge better, and mentally, a LOT better. Whatever this is, I believe it's being overpowered :)

ssnick, party pooper! It's fun to have your brain outside your head once in a while!

MoDis, thank you for that; I choose to believe that all the good stuff people are putting out is truly making a difference.

lilsis, Joyce's timing continues to be very good :)

Blogger Pissy Britches said...

Susie-I am really sorry that you are going thru this. From the bottom of my heart.
I just wanted to say that.

Big HUGS to you.

Blogger hellokittn said...

wow. I thought I loved pink ;-).

I wish I had something cool or witty to say to make you smile. Squirl kind of derailed any notion of intelligent wit by reminding me of the day I put my thong on backwards. It was dark and I was in a hurry.... anyways I got to work and realized I not only had a backwards thong on, but I put normal undies on over the top of that too. Talk about awkward panty lines.

Hugs and prayers!

Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

I regularly get busted for having my shirt buttoned cockeyed (my mom lets me dress myself), and I may or may not have gotten drunk one time, forgot I was wearing a g-string, and peed on it. Not sure I wanna know what that says about my brain. I just know I could never display mine as proudly as you have displayed yours.

Are those multiple pictures of one brain, or do you have spares?

Blogger Susie said...

pissy, thank you, so nice to see you here :)

chchchchia, do my curtains look pink? They're actually one of the few things in this house that weren't pink when we moved in. They're um....TAUPE. They must look pink because of the reflection from my cotton candy brain.
I'm having a little trouble getting my mind around a backwards thong...

bucky, you've been all over the internet looking for an excuse to say "cockeyed," haven't you? Umhmm. I once forgot I was sitting in a suitcase and . . . ah, never mind.
Spares. Multiples. And if I knew how to "read" these images, I'm purty sure I wouldn't be posting them like this; probably nothing to be proud of. :)

Blogger Naomi said...

Just makes you want to say
"pinky are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"we shoud redo blogland's windows?"

"no, pinky-- not everyone gets to have me plastered all over their windows!"

hehe... or
Pinky: Gee, Brain, what are we going to do tonight?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world!

I think I've quoted pinky and the brain before on a blog...such fun!

I hope all is going well for you Susie...I know how long medical world stuff can take, and how bothersome it can be (sort of) from the other side....
HUGS BLOVE and PRAYERS --for you and all that's going on with you!
(with Effie's pushing, and my finally getting back at real internet access, I have made it through quite a few of your blogs...feeling almost up to date! Sorry it's taken so long!)

Blogger Squirl said...

This post is going in a rather brainy direction, if you get my drift...

Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

Your comment about your comment to yourself cracked me up. I have confused myself now. Can I borrow one of your brains?

Anonymous sheryl said...

I keep hyperventialting when I see your dining room. I am sorry about that.

L o v e .

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Wait... I lost my mind somewhere a little while back... one of those brains looks AWFULLY familiar...

Blogger sometrouble said...

Praying for you Susie...can't think of mych funny to say that hasn't already been said...but your post cracked me up. I'm sure my co-workers think I'm crazy over here laughing at my chemistry formulations! :o)

Blogger August95 said...

Hello Susie.

Been some time since we have seen each other.

Funny how that happens. When you are so low you don't think you can get lower. Then someone calls, who wants to share a lesson with you.

They must be sent by God because the timing is so right.

I hope you have many other phone calls like this that lift you up when you need it the most.

Hugs and love to you Susie. YOu are in my prays and thoughts.

Anonymous Kristi said...

Susie - I just linked here from somewhere (sorry - can't remember where). I am sure you don't need a complete stranger suggesting an addendum to WTF Disease, but have you been checked for Myasthenia Gravis? I am just thinking that based on your throat symptoms....I haven't read anything else on your blog, but thought I would throw it in to the mix....take care and best wishes!

Blogger Mainline Mom said...

Coooooool brain pictures! God sends angels like Joyce to people like you just when they need them.

Blogger SierraBella said...

With such a lovely yard, why have window coverings at all?

My windows have dog kisses (ok- spit) on them.

Anyway, we all knew you were the brainy type!

Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Always comes back to the brainy idea, doesn't it?

Blogger Julie Julie Bo Boolie said...

WTF disease?? I LOVE it.. perfect name!

Gosh I hope they can offer you a glimmer of hope soon!



Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Maybe others have figured this out, but I'm not sure. Anyway, I see your problem: Your brain is in backwards.

Start walking the other way, and everything will be fine.

(P.S. I love you, Susie. Please get well.)

Blogger Susie said...

naomi, thanks for stopping in and for your encouragement (that Effie can be a pushy little thing, I know ;)

squirl, I do, indeed, my brainy sister :)

kranki, help yourself. I must warn you though, prelimary reports are that my brain is "unremarkable." You can do better.

sheryl, why on earth would you hyperventilate when you see my dining room? Here, breathe into this bag . . .

ck, take one, honey. Take two, they're small...

sometrouble, thanks for the prayers. I'm glad you laughed here :)

august, thank you, my friend. Hugs and love right back to you.

kristi, thank you for the kind wishes, and yes, that is one of the possibilities the New Rollogist is looking at.

mainline mom, I do believe that's true :)

sierrabella, that window is above VBD height. All the windows at his level have dog SNOT on them. Very appealing :)

bucky, well, I NEED someone to have some brainy ideas right about now, doncha think? Doncha?

jjboboo, thank you :) I think Traci and MoDis aptly named my affliction, too.

hoss, OK, walking backwards now. It does at least provide a distraction from the other symptoms . . . good idea, Hoss! :)


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