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Saturday, March 18, 2006

Weekend Update: Pee-Nut Diaries

OK, those of you not on drugs, is this still hilarious?:

"Do we need to shrink Dennis Quaid and send him in there to break stuff up?"

I knew it! Thank you, Bucky :)

I have nothing new to report. The pain, when I allow the meds to subside (which, in all honesty, ain't happenin' anymore) is like nothing I've ever experienced or imagined. I am taking huge amounts of painkillers plus something called Flo-Max. Nothing like subtlety in naming pharmaceuticals. Doc tells me it is normally used to help old men with enlarged prostates pee, in spite of their large prostates. But, he goes on to tell me, that is not why he's giving it to me. Mmmkay. Even heavily drugged, I still know some things.

The Church of the Sunday Post may be delayed tomorrow. But we will have services, even if I have to tap one of the four people in the world who know the password to get into this blog, and have them be the substitute pastor. OK, I'm thinking of those four people. Dear Lord, I have to be better by tomorrow. There is just no telling . . .

And I remembered something I need to tell you all, left in my brain since the era of my life when I learned the Urethra Franklin joke from a couple of posts ago:

Spell "pig" backwards, then say "funny."

14 heads are better than one . . .

Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Wait, are you sayin' you have a prostate? Ho HO! Who's got the alleged schlong now?

I'm so sorry that stubborn stone is tryin' to turn your pee pee into Easter Island.

And really, would a visit from regular-sized Dennis Quaid be so very awful, either? I'll get right on that for you!

(my verification word is vlfuxq - draw thine own conclusions)

Blogger eclectic said...

Oh. A prostate now? Wow! Are you my sister still, or my brother? Does this make me my brother's keeper? Gaaaaah!

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Oh, Susie... that just sucks. I'm so sorry to hear about the damn stubborn stone. I'll be praying for you, sweetie.

Anonymous lawbrat said...

I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!

You are an old man with an enlarged something or other... ;-)

Um, took me a minute to get that joke, but whats new?

I actually wrote out 'pig', wrote it out backwards, said 'gip' as in a WORD, not each letter, and did not understand how it was funny.
Then, I spelled it 'g-i-p'.

Yes, I am that bright.

Blogger mrtl said...

Oh, honey. Second what I commented before.

As a former Stoner, I know nothing to do to help you, except... what they did on Dora to get the Big Red Chicken's foot unstuck from a bucket... liquid soap. You think?

Tap not here. Not that I'd mind helping with your blessed post, I don't know the magic word.

Blogger Squirl said...

Isn't Bucky one of the four who know the magic word? That would be an interesting Sunday post.

It's driving me nuts that you're still in such pain. Praying hard for you.

Now why would I get this word ver now? It would be more appropriate for booty flies:
gynhl gynecological hell

Blogger abcd said...

Susie, it will "pass". Take your
Rx's, and take them on time. I know
it's a whole lot of pain. And I am
very sorry you are in so much pain.
Very sorry.

For the record. FLOMAX is given to
both men and women. While it was initially approved by the FDA for
men with enlarged prostates. It has
evolved over the past 3/4 years where it is now used on both sexes.

The "short-version" Flomax has
chemical properties which will
help any sex, empty out their bladder.

Therefore don't give Susie any
grief about the FLOMAX.

I hope your Sunday post say's
the stone has passed. Don't panic.


Blogger Nilbo said...

Giving Susie grief about turning into an old man is the only thing that's getting a lot of us through the sympathetic pain we're feeling. My butt hasn't unclenched in four days - the last time that happened, it was because Bucky grinned at me evilly, picked up a common root vegetable, and said "OK, let's see how much YOU like it."

But that, as they say, is another story ...

Blogger Susie said...

bucky, in my drugged state, I'm seeing Dennis Quaid from The Big Easy (The Big Peezy?), but he's in a little boat, accompanied by the disco/R&B hit, "Come along and ride on a FANTASTIC VOYAGE!" Then I thought, not Dennis . . . maybe Johnny Depp or Matthew McConaughey (heyhey), but no, of course I don't want them in little boats going upstream . . .

eclectic, so now I need a keeper? Yea, I probably do . . .

ck, thank you, baby. How YOU doin'?

peaches, you are adorable. I would still hire you to be my attorney; as long as the case didn't involve pigs . . . or peeing backwards . . .

mrtl, oh, but you were one of the ones who's been given the magic word, when you put my mrtland badge on here. So including yourself, I had four distinctly non-religious people, probably the most potentially religious of whom, goes by the first name "Evil." You can see why I had to try to do it myself ;)

squirl, yes, Bucky, er, The Right Reverend Bucky, is one of my back-ups ;) And the pain radiates, unfortunately, so, there's that, too :(

nikki, do you see how horrid these people are to me? I'm already feeling like an old lady, and they come up in here calling me an old man. I am SO hoping for passage. I don't want more "procedures." Still no luck, but at least I'm no more obstructed than yesterday, flow is about the same. And I'm afraid once this is all over, I'm going to have to burn this urine-soaked blog, if there's even anyone left around to read it. I've become all peepeetalk, all the time :(

nilbo, root vegetable, you say? Hmmmm . . . (Distraction is a good thing.)

verification: iburpwrd
No, really I don't. I just pee funny.

Anonymous Sharkey said...

On any other blog, all pee-pee talk, all the time would get old. But here? You just continue to make it funny. If only you were having as good a time as we are.

Um, for the record, I did the same thing as Lawbrat.

Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

Poor you! This is really sucking for you. REALLY! Hang in there. Something's got to give. Hopefully soon.

Blogger Susie said...

sharkey, thank you for that. If only I could get my mind on something else . . . it's tough, though, you know? Unless I take so many drugs that I'm pretty much mindless :(

kranki, there has been a tiny bit of movement today, I can tell. I'm still hoping and praying it resolves on its own. Thank you XOXO

Blogger Karen said...

Peeing backwards? There's a word for that. I used it once to describe my not-so-nice neighbour. The word is: retromingent.

It's not exactly an adjective you'd want to covet. ;-)

Blogger August95 said...

Oh Susie, I can't believe what a terrible time you are having of this.

I will be sending so good peeing mojo your way.

Keep your chin up and your pee flowing.


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