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Monday, December 05, 2005

Know When to Walk Away, Know When to Run

Last night, Jif and I were watching a music show called "Crossroads," in which artists from two different genres of music get together and sing each others' songs. This one featured Lionel Richie and Kenny Rogers.

Kenny brought back fond memories of one day at dooce.com when I posted purt' near the entire lyrics to the heinously irresistible "Ruby (Don't Take Your Love to Town)," much to the disgust of many other commenters and UPPERCASE GOD who found "Ruby" to be a smiteworthy offense.

Lionel brought back some memories, too. Before he was Paris Hilton's ex-best-friend's Daddy, he was a brilliant songwriter. I asked Jif if he had a favorite Lionel Richie song.

"What's that one, 'Sail On,' or something like that? I like that one."

I tried to think of my favorite. There were a lot of good ones. It was easier to think of the one I didn't like. "I'll tell you which song of his that most people loved, but I absolutely HATED. 'Three Times a Lady.' Oh my gosh, I despise that song!"

"Why do you hate that one?"

"Because I have no idea what the hell it means! I understand being a lady. Once. But twice? And three times? What the hell is he talking about? Does he mean she's about 400 pounds? She's three times the size of a lady? WHAT? WHAT???"

Jif is laughing.

"I'll tell you one thing. You'd better not ever dedicate that song to me." Well, this was the exact WRONG thing for me to say to him.

"I'm going to dedicate that song to you the first chance I get. Maybe on your birthday: To my beautiful wife, you're three times a lady! Just try not to make it four!"

35 heads are better than one . . .

Blogger eclectic said...

I like Jif so much. He cracks me up!

I can't even dream up a plausible reason to like that song, and even this one is reaching, I'll admit... but, I think guys think it has something to do with multiple O's and then they feel like manly men. That's why why I think the ones that like that song do like it.

Hey, it's a theory. Not a good one, but it's a theory.

Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

But you must have loved Eddie Murphy's Buckwheat rendition. Now that was classic.

Blogger WILLIAM said...

I can hear the Cross Roads in my head now.

LR: Once, twice, three times a

Kenny: LADY. Im' you knight in shining armor and I love you.

Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

Oh man, you know what memory that brings back for me?

I used to work with a girl at the first club I ever danced to who did her FULLY NUDE floor show to 3 times a lady.

Yeah, bent over with your bare ass in the air, your three times a lady all right. HAHAHAHAHA

But then she also used to strip to Dancin on the ceiling. And she was only 20. She was um, an odd girl. And not really a lady...

Oh and Hermione wants to know when we should be expecting the gay cockapoo to get here, she's bored.

Blogger Jim said...

I hate that freakin' song too. And 'Unchained Melody' - and a few other overplayed songs.

And Jessica? There are so many places I could go with the words 'gay' and 'cockapoo' in the same sentence, but I shall resist. You're fun-nay.

Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Kranki - Fee Times a Mady? LOVE it.

And Lionel Richie really does deserve the Congressional Medal of Slap-Me-For-Sappy for writing 3 times a lady.

Obviously, Lionel Richie's crowning achievement as a songwriter is Brick House. How many of us, especially of a "certain" age, still feel compelled to yell "HOWWWWSE" when somebody says the word "brick"?
Yeah, she's mighty mighty, just lettin' it all hang out.

Blogger Susie said...

eclectic, well, it IS a theory, and I've never before heard one that could explain that inane lyric. Hmmm, that doesn't make me like it any more. Now, if he had written, "I'm Three Times a Man," well, then I'd reconsider.

kranki, oh, you know I did! Unce, Tice, Fee Tines a Mady . . . Now THAT was a song.

William, that just boggles the mind. That would make a great show!

jess, but was she 400 pounds?
That song would have been PERFECT if she were.

jim, I'm trying to send Jess my very bad dog, the gay, transvestite cockapoo. So far he keeps getting out of the UPS box but I'm still working on it.
Unchained Melody was "the song" of a husband and his mistress, when I was seeing the husband and wife in marriage counseling. Plus, he was just a very sick (as in evil) puppy, so I see his ugly mug when I hear that one now. blech.

bucky, as Miss Brick House of the 1978 prom, I can't believe I had forgotten that! I like Dancin' on the Ceilin'! Because you know, unlike Three Times a Lady, that one makes perfect sense!

Blogger eviluncledave said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Blogger eviluncledave said...

I used to think that he thought she was refined (i.e. 3x lady = supersize classy). And then I started to wonder if he was singing about a woman at all. I mean if you pay attention to the lines:

"Thanks for the times
That you’ve given me..."

"Three times a lady..."


"we’ve come
To the end of our rainbow..."

I mean, maybe he was singing to a guy who liked to dress up on occasion. Not that there's anything wrong with that at all, but I don't think we can automatically assume that he was talking about a woman.

(It is at this point, in the interest of good taste, that I refrained from stretching my point by alluding to "Lady and the Tramp" and postulating on Lionel's preferences any further.)

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

LOL -- That's terrific. Hubby and I have a "joke song" -- "Celebrate". Come to think of it, there's also "Baby Got Back" and "Fat Bottomed Girls". He also likes to sing Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean" to me, changing the lyrcis to "Kelli Jean". :)

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Bucky -- there's a furniture store around these parts called "Wicks" -- they've started using "Brick House" in their advertising -- "It's a WICKS HOWWSE".

That was never a favorite song of mine, but I hate that they did that.

Blogger Nina said...

Usted está una vez, dos veces tres veces una señora que usted es sí una vez dos veces tres veces a la señora Y te quiero.
I heard it down in Mexico and have to say it is the best rendition of "Three Times a Lady" I have ever heard. Sorry Lionel, but I like it in spanish so much better.
"To my beautiful wife, you're three times a lady! Just try not to make it four!" Ummm Jif, you might just want to try to find someone to sing it in spanish. ;)

Blogger LadyBug said...


You and Jif crack me up.

Anonymous SUB said...

If I was a carpenter and your were my lady . . .

Blogger No_Newz said...

You and I are like two passing ships at sea. I always forget to come here and when I remember, you always make me laugh my stupid head off!
You don't think that song has anything to do with multiple personality disorder do ya? ;)
Lois Lane

Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Yeah, what Lois Lane said - maybe she's three times a lady, but there's also a pirate and a lumberjack in there, too.

Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Which reminds ME of the oldie:

"She's too fat for me. She's too fat for me. She's too fat. She's too fat. She's too fat for me."

Five times a lady?

Blogger Squirl said...

I love the Buckwheat version, too!

Um, if I said I liked Easy Like a Sunday Morning, would I lose my "classy" status?

Blogger little sister said...

to add insult to injury, that song was written about Mr. Richie's /mother/...not his wife or girlfriend or anyone like that...hehehehe

Blogger gina said...

With what everyone else has said, i refuse to admit to liking "Three Times a Lady." But is it okay if I like "Hello"?

Blogger judypatooote said...

OK, I'm pretty much the elder generation and I use to love to hear Lionel sing...I went to one of his concerts and they rolled him out sitting on his silver sparkle piano....maybe it was the silver spark piano that i like..oh well....and I use to think 3 times alady meant she was really, really a great lady.....and Unchained Melody was one of my favorites, Sorry Jim..... but even though I'm an elder, my favoite word is freakin.....as mentions by Jim

Blogger Susie said...

eud, I was going to ask you how you got your name, but I decided to wait and let you keep talking, thinking all would be revealed. Yup, I'm starting to see. So it's actually about a transvestite, who was "a lady" on three distinct occasions, "the memories are all in my mind..." Well, that makes it a much more interesting song. Thank you for your perspective.

CK, a song with the lyric, "I like big butts and I cannot lie..." has to be a classic.

nina, it does sound better en espanol!

ladybug, I love it when you snork at me :)

sub, how many times?

loislane, see, this is another perspective that makes it more palatable to me. "You are crazy as a loon, with at least 3 different personalities, and I still love you." Of course I would endorse such a song!

bucky, so there could be another verse, "three times a lady plus two times a man"? That's getting into some advanced mathematics; not my strong suit.

hoss, see above. This math is getting beyond me.

squirl, I like that, too. You can be the easy, classy sister.

lilsis, and was Mrs. Richie, in fact, a "big-boned-ed woman?"

gina, OK, Hello is good. I UNDERSTAND hello ;)

judy, "freakin'" is a very useful, multi-generational word :) Silver sparkle piano, huh? I think Elton when I hear of such goings on.

Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Well, you know, I have to say, "Easy" is a classic, too. We tried to do that one in my last band, 'cause I like to sing it and can get all fancy with the piano, but the guitar player acted like I was forcing him to eat ground glass every time we played it.

Don't ever be in a rock band, folks. You will grow to hate songs you used to cherish. ;)

Anonymous lawbrat said...

Oh my, that is TOO funny.

I've never even heard of that show. I usually just watch Law and Order...not much more. OH, Desparate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy...the perfect ending to a Sunday.

Blogger eviluncledave said...

Lol, if you're basing your perception of me on my comments I guess I should stay away from the whole Kenny Rogers angle... or not. I once had a dream where Kenny borrowed my lawnmower, broke it, and brought it back all destroyed. He didn't even apologize, telling me that it was my problem. I woke up mad and I've yet to forgive him for it. In the spirit of last Sunday post I know I should just move on, but I mean it's not like he couldn't afford to get the mower fixed or anything.

Blogger Andrea said...

I was a huge Lionel fan in junior high, but that was after "3x" (which never thrilled me much). LOVED Hello, Penny Lover, Stuck on You...

But the thought of Lionel and Kenny Rogers doing something together? OK, I can sorta see that their voices have a certain quality, a certain timbre, if you will, in common, but beyond that...YIKES. William's comment made me laugh :)

Blogger Closet Metro said...

Where is Uppercase GOD when Jif could really use a good smiting?

Blogger hellokittn said...

What the world is going on with blogger, sheesh!

Blogger hellokittn said...

Ok, I'm going to try this again...

"Once, three quarters, one half a laaaaydaaaay..."

Now that's some sweet lovemakins!

You and Jif sound like such a wonderful couple :).

Blogger Dang Cold.. said...

Is it me you're looking for?
Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely Or is someone loving you?

dc - da commodore

Happy Holidays Susie baby..

ps - I'm with Jif on 'Sail On' being a good one. (the only good one) Reminds me of a chica I liked in junior high. Cheesy but it was DC in love. Isaac Hayes struck a cord too.

-SHACK- Shut your mouth

Blogger dashababy said...

Susie, I watched Crossroads too that night. I think they both sounded great! That music spanned a big part of my life. If I hear any Lionel Richie songs playing in stores that I shop in, I absolutely have to sing along. And if mom happens to be along,, she will be dancin in the aisles. Well, maybe not to the slow songs.
And we aren't even allowed to play "Three times a lady" around Kris. She may hate that song even more than you do.

Kenny looks a little "different" with all his alterations.

Blogger Susie said...

bucky, but we all still WANT to be in a rock band! Don't harsh our mellows like that! ;)

lawbrat, unlike the rest of the free world, I don't do Grey's Anatomy, and as I recall, it was during that hour that I stumbled into Crossroads.

eud, um, you do realize that no one else here has EVER had a Kenny Rogers dream, right? Kenny breaking your lawnmower. You sure you're not Crazy Uncle Dave? (Wait, was Kenny dressed as a "knight in shining armor?" as in William's fantasy?)

andrea, they did "Stuck on You," or maybe just Lionel did it, I can't remember now. What I did notice was that IMO, Lionel actually sounds better than he used to.

CM, if I had a nickel for every time I've asked that question ;)

chchchchia, ha! I need to lose weight, so I reckon I'm about "Once and two-thirds times a lady...." And Jif and I are about half wonderful ;)

dang, it's always you I'm looking for ;)
dangerous cookies

dashababymama, I had no idea, I'll have to go sing to Princess Kristine! ;) I like that show, and it was fun to watch them; they seem to have a nice friendship. Imagining your Mom shopping makes me think of the gun in the grocery store story, one of my favorites!

Blogger wordgirl said...

There's the Ritchie song about "Jesus is Love" that I think is nice. There's another one, but the words don't come to mind."All Night Long" was a good one, too.

Blogger wordgirl said...

Sub- (Here's the rest"

If I werea carpenter and you were a lady.
Would you marry me anyway? Would you have my wooden baby? NOT!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have know idea how that song goes so if someone could post lyrics thanks.


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