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Monday, November 28, 2005

I Don't Know These People




Jif and I try to teach LG proper table manners. Our example isn't always the best. Elbows on the table is a particular weakness of ours. But honestly, we try. Like a gateway drug, elbows on the table can lead to more egregious violations of etiquette. To the most egregious violations . . .

We're all at the table on Saturday night. Eating, conversing. Every now and then, Jif or I (OK, I) will say, "LG, elbows." Then LG sees an opportunity...

"Daddy, elbow."

Jif smiles/smirks and removes the offending joint. But he does not learn his lesson.

"Daddy, elbow."

Jif does not respond.

"Daddeeeeee! Now BOTH of your elbows are on the table!"

"Yes, but that's only because I'm eating my porkchop with two hands."

Who ARE these people? LG and I begin to laugh, and I say, "You know I'm blogging this."

LG continues to laugh, harder. So hard, in fact, that she commits what might be the most egregious sin of all, at the dinner table. She -- er -- passes gas. Loudly and long.

"LG!!!!"

She laughs harder. "Are you blogging that?"

"No! I wouldn't know how to spell it . . . "

Then my rude daughter becomes thoughtful, helpful, even. "I think maybe f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f . . . "

The gentlemanly Jif offers assistance, "I think maybe a 't' at the end . . ."

I don't know these people.

36 heads are better than one . . .

Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

I, on the other hand, know these people very well. Are you sure Jif and LG weren't stolen from my family?

 
Blogger Southern Fried Girl said...

I think members of my family invaded your household.

 
Blogger mreddie said...

There are a few in my clan that I'm not sure I know very well either but love them I do. :) ec

 
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Not only do you KNOW them, you chose to marry one, and gave birth to the other.

At least you weren't at a restaurant... :)

 
Blogger Effie said...

Oh so funny (and so like a conversation my hubby and I would have had--so scary!)

 
Anonymous lawbrat said...

That is just great! LG would fit in perfect with my boys...reminding the parent of the rules. That just made my day.

 
Blogger WILLIAM said...

Wait a minute, Are you say it is bad manners to f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-T at the dinner table?

Oooohhhh that explains the funny looks I get when I am out to dinner.

 
Blogger eclectic said...

Hee hee! Littlest Eclectic always covers his mouth after fffffffT-ing and says, "Uh-Oh. I TOOT-ed. Skews-U." Which never fails to make the other two fall out of their chairs laughing. He's going to grow up thinking that's proper, I'm sure of it.

 
Blogger mrtl said...

Too funny!

 
Blogger Dawn said...

OMG this is incredibly funny. I seriously cant stop laughing. im crying as i type this. i should have waited 'till after work to read this post. im going to start laughing hystarically throughout the day, people are gunna think im nuts :)

 
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Even to sit down at a table with a family would be great for me, no matter what manners were displayed. The two 20-somethings and their 16-month-old daughter who are temporarily sharing my house never eat at a table. Their meals are usually from McDonald’s and are consumed in my car.

 
Blogger Random and Odd said...

HAHAHHAHA! I told Tyler, "I swear to GOD IF I HEAR YOU EATING!"

OMG..I swear he was raised in a cave with monkeys before he moved in with me.

Shaun isn't much better.

But he doesn't fart. ever. ever. ever.

 
Blogger Nina said...

ROFL~ LG is so helpful, I love it!

 
Blogger Closet Metro said...

*touches Shaun with pin*

!!KABOOM!!

 
Blogger Nina said...

Oh and my word verification is

fffffffffft

Well not really but it sounded good.
:-)

 
Blogger Susie said...

bucky, if it turns out they were, do you want 'em back? I'll trade you for some of them homies...

sfg, they do seem like invaders sometimes, now that you mention it :0

mreddie, yea, these invaders are sorta loveable, too ;)

CK, yea, blame ME. I've told y'all about how embarrasssing my peeps are in restaurants. If they're not spitting chocolate and ordering moose, they're running off and leaving me!

effie, I had no idea there were so many rude families represented in blogworld ;)

lawbrat, so pleased to make your day. And OH YES we will be reminded of the rules, at every opportunity.

william, fffffffft. Keep it home, boy.

eclectic, oh yea; that which is funny to his sibs will become part of his permanent repertoire for sure.

mrtl, it's all ahead of you ;)

dawn, just don't laugh until ... you know ....

ssnick, not to get all up in your business (except that's what I DO), but it's your house, so it's your rules. No car eating or bedroom eating, just table eating. You could do that.

kristine, a word of caution: keep the highly inflated Shaun AWAY from Closet Metro . . .

nina, oh yes, she's a good little helper ;)

CM, NOW you did it. You know Kristine's mom has a gun, right?

nina, HA! good one; I love to lie about word verification; I have so few vices, but that is one of them ;)

 
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with elbows on the table. If God didn't want elbows on the table he wouldn't have invented any. You cannot politically correct me about this. If I had THREE elbows they would ALL be on the table. Four would be better.

 
Blogger Squirl said...

I love good fart stories. Well, as long as I don't have to smell them, anyway.

 
Blogger SassyFemme said...

ROFL, sounds like a wonderful family moment! :)

 
Blogger Karen said...

The one part of this story I identify with most is "You know I'm blogging that."

So far, none of our fffffts have been funny enough to blog about.

You know it'll happen one day, though. ;-)

 
Blogger eclectic said...

ffffffffft

Uh-oh, now look. You made me TOOT! Skews-U!

 
Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

Farts are ALWAYS funny. Especially ones that slip out in laughter.

 
Blogger Dawn said...

you know that everybody is ffffffft'ing all over blogworld. its really quite amusing. i think you may have started something here :)

 
Blogger Andrea said...

Elbows on the table? If I could just get Audrey to stop dawdling and playing with her food (and the two are quite intertwined), I'd be happy. And for Leo to stop chewing with his mouth open (it's not considered rude in China). And for Aislinn to keep her food ON the tray, not dropping it on the floor.

 
Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

I live with teenage boys, TEENAGE BOYS.

I would long to live in a house filled only with dainty little girl farts.

Trust me, compared to boys, hers are dainty.

I get to hear things like, Oh man, it followed me into the next room, and, Oh dont go in there without a mask on mom.....

 
Blogger Ern said...

I want to know where the idea started that putting your elbows on the table was BAD? I mean, it's better than putting a foot up on the table! (Um...no, I've never put my foot on the dinner table...why do you ask?)

 
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

I say puttin' your elbows on the table is at least three degrees better than puttin' your bare ass on the table.

I've been asked to leave more restaurants, I swear...

 
Blogger August95 said...

Haha Susie, very funny post. Thanks for the giggle. My FIL ffffffts at the table regularly. Such class

 
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

When my oldest daughter was scantly two years old, a teacher at her daycare center told me "Your daughter farts like a man."

So much for dainty little girl farts.

 
Blogger LadyBug said...

Oh! I know those people! I had supper with them last night!

 
Blogger Nilbo said...

I am sooo above fart humour. I have to say, I'm disappointed, Susie.

Now here, pull my finger.

 
Blogger Dang Cold.. said...

DC is here. You may all be seated.

When I was 19, I blasted a subway car shortly before I was to get off at my stop. Couldn't help the fact that I had Indian that night and the silent assassin I set loose likely left no survivors. Funny how folks look when they're crossed eyed and temporarily blinded. But at the dinner table? Foul LG. Foul!!

Hey Susie baby!!

DC - Digestive Complications

 
Blogger hellokittn said...

LOL - Squirl told me this story over lunch today. I couldn't help but think of the time I put my foot on the table to show her my new shoes and spilled my 32 ounce cup-o-water all over the place. I dove into the pond just to spare her of the moistened garment carnage.

I SBD'd while laughing (the impeccable emanation of pungent air devoid of audible recognition). That made me laugh even harder.

There I was... both elbows on the table... 36D's wading in a pool of water... in a wool cardigan (open) and a white (thin) undershirt... PFFFT'ing silently in childish glee. ...

...all in our friendly office cafeteria.

 
Blogger Effie said...

just so you know, and not that I'm bragging or anything, but my hubby, while his fffft's are loud, aren't nearly so potent as my silent-but-deadly ones--I don't know how many times he's nearly keeled over because of me....apparently I have a talent with gases escaping from my body--I have the loudest burps in my family--including louder than my Dad or my hubby--and that's loud...

 
Blogger Annejelynn said...

YOU LOVE THEM THOUGH!

 
Blogger SierraBella said...

What a thoughtful daughter, helping you with your blog!

Did you know that farting while sitting on wooden chairs amplifies the sound? Just ask my husband about the poker night where he became the entertainment!

 


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