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Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Oh, the HORROR!

The other night, this 23-year-old client comes in for her regular appointment, and is clearly distraught.

She is grimacing, fighting back tears. "You know my best friend, Cindy?"

"Yes . . . what's happened?"

"Her fiance . . . he . . . got drunk and cheated on her . . . "

I am appropriately sympathetic to Cindy, and to my client's empathy for her. She goes on, "and that's not even the worst part . . . " sniff, wipe . . .

"It is the grossest thing I have ever heard . . . he . . . " wipe, sniff

"What did he do?"

"He had sex with a 45-year-old woman! Can you IMAGINE?!"

At this point, my therapeutic response was to:

A. Burst into tears
B. Laugh hysterically
C. Bitch slap the client
D. say, "I can see that's very distressing to you . . . tell me about that . . . "

I can't make this stuff up . . .

69 heads are better than one . . .

Blogger Susie said...

The correct answer would be "C." :0

 
Blogger little sister said...

and I bet it was best sex of his entire life!

LMFAO!

 
Blogger SRH said...

The Horror, OH THE HORROR!!!

Why would anyone do something sooooo disgusting?!?!?

ah, the insentitivities of youth...

 
Blogger Giulia said...

B. looks like the only sensible thing to do ;)

 
Blogger Jeffs place said...

Tell her to fear not. Just use the dog years conversion. then they are the same age.

 
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Oh my. I didn't even know 45-year-old women still HAD SEX! :)

(I'm kidding!)

Kids say the darndest things, don't they? :)

 
Blogger Southern Fried Girl said...

HOLY SHIT, 45???? Did he pick her up from the home or what?

 
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

I'd laugh, but it's bad karma and will make my support hose fall down.

Jim referred to his mom, casually, as an "old lady" the other day, to which she objected.

He said, "Hey, I call myself an old guy, and you're my mother, so if the orthopedic shoe fits..."

 
Blogger WILLIAM said...

You are too funny. Oh I wish I could be a fly on the wall of your sessions. I don't know how you didn't burst out laughing.

 
Blogger Closet Metro said...

Coo Coo Ca Chooo, Mrs. Robinson.

 
Blogger Susie said...

lilsis, well, you would know such things, so I will accept your expert opinion on that.

srh, insensitivity, indeed. I took it as a compliment in that I apparently created a safe enough environment that she was not inhibited about what she could say there. Or else she thought I was much younger. Or much older.

giulia, B. is often the best choice :)

jeff, yea, dog years, I didn't think of that. Good advice.

CK, they do, indeed.

sfg, thank you, you cracked me up.

bucky, that's right, you're married to an even bigger geezer ;)

william, the laughing comes later; I somehow manage to hold it together in the moment :) Your fly can hang out on my wall any time. (What the hell does that mean?)

CM, Gesundheit!

 
Blogger Squirl said...

Now that I've stopped laughing long enough to comment...

I guess 45 seems pretty old to a 23 year-old. The guy probably wanted some real sex, not whiny, princess, little-girl sex for a change.

What? I should know. I'm 45+ and getting better every damned day!

 
Blogger Nina said...

Oh the horror of it all . . . let me get my cane, so I can help Bitch slap her. . .

 
Blogger SierraBella said...

OK I'm so sorry! I lied- I'm 55, not 45...
...and he loved every minute!

 
Blogger Dang Cold.. said...

You guys remember Mona from "Who's the boss?". Bow chick-a-wow-wow

dc

 
Blogger Effie said...

oh my--I would have had a hard time not laughing and regaining my composure to say the appropriate response of D--but I think a bitch-slap would be a close second for instant response. Or at least a "How old do you think I am?" or "Why would that be gross?"

LMAO--thanks!

 
Blogger Effie said...

Dang--I always thought Mona was awful--not SEXY--eeew!

 
Blogger snaps79 said...

That's good shit. Working with the public provides (usually) enough humor to almost (ALMOST) make up for the worthless pay.

 
Blogger SassyFemme said...

I'm laughing so hard reading this!

 
Blogger The Lioness said...

Support hose falling down as I type. At least you're being paid for the abuse, may that be a comfort.

[If you tell me this was pro bono I'll have to bitch slap you. That would be sad.]

 
Anonymous MrsDoF said...

So why is it okay if Michael Douglas gets Catherine Z-J, who is 20 years younger, but the girl gets grossed out if a guy gets some experience?

Also agree with the correct answer would be "C".
How you hold your job is so mystifying to me. I'd be getting reprimands all over the place.

 
Blogger Weetzie said...

Ha! good one Susie...your job sounds fasinating!

 
Blogger eclectic said...

Poor li'l thing... Did you have to treat her for PTSD after that? To think people her mother's age are out there having... *whisper* S-E-X?!

 
Blogger Dang Cold.. said...

Effie--believe me I don't think she's sexy. Just a reminder that older folks like to get busy too, even if they're icky like Mona was. Yet I would say Tina Turner looks GOOOD.

dc

 
Blogger echrai said...

Bah, women always fantasize about the older woman. And the younger woman. And both of them together. And both of them in general. Let's face it, age doesn't matter as much to men as it does to women. I'm not saying it doesn't matter to them at all, just less so. Men have mid-life crises. Women have mid-decade crises. or bimonthly, whatever. Not that you could really defend those who are mature to the client, of course... but damn, don't you want to?

 
Blogger mrtl said...

ew ew ew ew ew

I'm going to wash my eyes now.

Susie, I forgot to mention to you that I thought of you the other day when I saw this on a license plate: BOOTFL

 
Blogger Ern said...

Just to play devil's advocate here, it is a LITTLE bit gross, not because a 45 year old is gross or shouldn't be having sex (because, hello! not! and should!) but because she COULD be his mother. That makes it a little creepy. Of course, I think it would be creepy the other way too (45yo man, 23yo woman).

But I do think that C is the correct choice!

 
Blogger Candace said...

Reason #325 why I quit being a therapist:

Here's what would be going through my head during that interaction: "What the HELL is SHE so upset about, JEEZ. I mean, it's not like it was HER boyfriend who cheated. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!"

I'm a bad, bad person.

 
Blogger _Summer_ said...

Yet another reminder why I am best suited to a reclusive lifestyle.

:)

 
Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

The older ones are smart enough to know it wont break.


45 pfffffffffft so? I mean come on, who here hasn't slept with a 45 year old woman?



Ok ok she was 42 but come on.....

 
Blogger LadyBug said...

I remember when 45 seemed soooo old. I'll be 31 this month. 45 is looking younger every day.

 
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

45 is not old.
45 is not old.
*sob*
Somebody tell me 45 isn't gonna be old when I get there much too soon?

And, though I am a grave robber of sorts now (I'm 40, he's a couple of weeks shy of 53), my last boyfriend before Jim was even more of an age stretch:
I was 21, he was 43, and three of his four children were older than me.

Why didn't anyone ever explain to me that I'm supposed to find a rich older man? I always missed that part of the equation.

 
Blogger Susie said...

you GO, squirl ;)

nina, me, you, squirl, sierrabella . . . I think I sense a "Golden Girls" kinda vibe taking shape here . . . :)

sierrabella, like fine wine :)

dang, I read the comments backwards in my email, so I know that you backtrack later and say that Mona is not sexy. She is, too! So is Tina Turner. Who is sexier than Tina Turner? No one I know; and what is she, 60?

effie, I really did not laugh, although the faintest smile may have crossed my shrunken, wrinkled, elderly lips ;)

HDL, it's true; with "usually" and "almost" being the key words :)

sassyfemme, good!

lioness, good point. I do pro bono work, but no, in this instance I was being paid to listen to this wisdom :)

mrsDoF, this was a private practice client, so there's no one to reprimand me but me; I don't behave badly in the moment, though; I just blog about it later!

weetzie, it really is, in many ways, I love it.

eclectic, no, the PTSD came after the bitch-slapping :0

echrai, I guess it matters to some men, and to some women. I try to remember if I felt that way when I was in my 20s; I don't think so, but I can't remember for sure. Now, I HOPE that people are still doing it in their 90s, because I have big plans . . .

mrtl, what are you ewing about? Was the person bootfl?

ern, I must say, in the aftermath, I had this thought: If one of my 45 y.o. friends told me she had sex with a 23 y.o. BOY, that would gross me out, too. I have friends of all ages, but as for physical attraction, I have always stayed very close to my own age, whatever it has been at the time. Different strokes, but the 20something boys I like, I want to make them soup and fix them up with my kid's 20something teachers; not DO them. That's just me.

misfit, you are a delightful person, and you have stumbled upon one of this client's issues -- wanting desperately to have a boyfriend and living vicariously through the drama of others' relationships.

summer, sometimes I need a recluse moment or two or week or two.

jess, as always, you bring a unique perspective to the discussion. Who among us, indeed? (Show of hands...)

ladybug, that has been my experience. Now at 45, 50 is a spring chicken.

bucky, see above. You got 10 years to go before you even hit "spring chicken!" Rich is who you have beside you. I mean, Jim is who you have beside you, but, um, you know what I"m sayin'...

 
Blogger Torrie said...

Um, WOW.

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Along the same lines, as in "Oh the HORROR", is it wrong that I just found a man at the counter here to be attractive---he had a unibrow! (mind you I saw the unibrow after I made my opinion--tanned skin, strong, works with his hands, deep voice, top button undone on his shirt....)

I'm leaving this one Anonymous so as to protect myself from my hubby's wrath....

 
Blogger Greenthumb said...

You cracked me up Sierrabella with that one. He probably wanted to find out how to really please a woman.

 
Blogger Effie said...

Yup-you're right Susie & Dang--Tina Turner is HOT, and she's what, 70 or so years old?!

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh and that unibrow guy was at least 20 years older than me too....

 
Blogger Nina said...

Thinking, thinking, at 45 I could not be with a 20 something male. Since my oldest son is going to be 21 soon. My son-is-law is in his 20's and my youngest son is a year away from being 20 . . . different perspective when I look at it that way.

 
Blogger Kitty said...

LOL - JessicaRabbit just proved a very important point in this conversation...

" The older ones are smart enough to know it wont break."

Here I am, 25, thinking, what in sane hell could break?

Ooohh...

I say good for the fiance! He got him some 45 year old while he can enjoy it to its fullest!

 
Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

I betcha the guy learned some new moves. That is all I am sayin'.

 
Blogger little sister said...

Since Bucky-4-Eyes brough it up....apparently I've been a grave robber (one long-time boyfriend was 20 years older, another 18 years older). and and a cradle robber - let's not forget my BabyBoyToy who is 26 (only 3 years older than my daughter).

Mid-40s women ARE ALL THAT and so much more ;-) Can't wait 'til my 50's....

 
Blogger Spurious Plum said...

My LORD! Did he get any cellulite on him?!?!?!?

How do you keep from laughing Susie? Seriously. Most people'd be rolling on the floor.

Ah, Susie. Our paragon of restraint...

 
Blogger Amy said...

Ai yai yai, Susie! You must have to keep a book on the desk that you can put in front of your face so they don't see you laughing.

Once I was driving, and this group of young guys was behind me and they were like, "Woo hoo! Hey sexy!" and I was feelin like a million bucks. Then they got up beside me for a closer look and one guy yelled, "OH MAN! SHE'S OLD!"

It was fun.

 
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Some guys can't get enough of that young stuff...

 
Blogger Ern said...

Hey Susie, did you see Dad Gone Mad's post today? http://www.dadgonemad.com/

 
Blogger Estefania said...

Bitch slap, indeed!

How dare she, and how do you keep from not laughing out loud??????

Honey, I'm over 50 and still going strong. Sex is much better the older and more experienced you are.

 
Blogger Perpetual Winter said...

If you're sure your significant other is not cheating... there is a good chance he/she is... if you suspect he or she is... they definately are...

I'd bang a 45 year old in a heartbeat. This is the world we live in. Adapt or Die.

 
Blogger JT said...

"The Horror" was the last words of Marlon Brando in the movie Apocalypse Now. However, making love to older women has taught me many intricacies of women and what they want from a relationships/making love.

 
Blogger mamasays said...

answer me this: why don't chickens have lips?

They have peckers instead.

 
Blogger Thia Michelle said...

I'm 23 (just barely) and even I know older women are hot.

http://tjsrants.txthub.com/2005/08/03/what-the-hell-is-going-on-these-days/

 
Blogger Thia Michelle said...

Sandra Geisel

Sorry, the link didn't show up, but this teacher has been all over the news anyway.

 
Blogger Gyrobo said...

You've got to compartmentalize these things. That's the only way to retain your sanity. And I take it you've received comment spam. Everyone seems to be getting spammed today.

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How in the world did that old woman have the stamina to get up from her lift chair, grab her walker, shuffle to the bedroom and climb into the hospital bed, let alone take her clothes off and spread 'em? Bet she took a nice long nap after that.

Score one for all of the over-40 women who have had men leave for 20-somethings!

gina
http://findingmygroove.blog-city.com

 
Blogger paintergirl said...

I say whoo hoo to the 45 year old hottie with a 20 something pool boy.

 
Blogger Jeffs place said...

In my youth, I had on 2 different occasions sexual encounters with a couple women that I had had encounters with about 7 years prior. (different women, different times) OMG WHAT A DIFFERENCE!! Either they went to porn school or a little self assurance took over. On the job training took on a new meaning for me.

 
Blogger LadyBug said...

Susie, when you have a moment and need a raucous laugh, you oughta check out the latest post over at Dad Gone Mad.

 
Anonymous lawbrat said...

The post and the comments are awesome.
I went through a period of dating 'younger' men. The youngest was 20...I was 29. Not a horrible difference, but it sure was fun.

 
Blogger Redhead Mommy said...

Wow....45?? Jeesh. How old was the client, 20?

 
Blogger Robin said...

THAT's the grossest thing she's ever heard of? That's sad. She'll get hers. Karma is a bitch.

 
Blogger Tammy said...

LMAO... Your blog ROCKS! And I agree...C would have been the best option.

 
Blogger Ruben said...

OK! It didn't bother her that he cheated. She got pissed, because the other woman ws older? What an asshole!

 
Blogger JaG said...

I would have been stressing myself not to do B.

 
Blogger the Witch said...

40 is the new 20...

Which makes me 15 so it's all good.

 
Blogger Susie said...

torrie, wow to you, too.

anon, hmmmm, who are you? A unibrow is very easily remedied; not a problem at all. It's the HUSBAND in this equation that I would think would be a greater obstacle :0

greenie, so you think it was a continuing ed. kind of thing?

nina, yea, I know. The gross part is that he's so young, not that she's so "old."

kitty, you're too funny :)

kranki, are you sure that's all you're sayin'? I'm sure there would be plenty of interest here if you wanted to say a little more . . .

lilsis the robber, you are so right, getting better and better.

Plum, yea, I just sit there thinking "I am so blogging your ass..." heeeheeeeee

amy, oh my gosh. That's as bad as the young chick at Kohl's giving me the senior discount. I'm sure they meant, "She's too sophisticated for us."

hoss, my favorite comment. It is all a matter of perspective, isn't it?

ern, yup, thank you ;)

estefania, welcome, wise, hot woman! :)

perp, adapt or DIE? Um, OK, adapting here . . . ;)

JT, I hope that in your experience, there has been no connection between making love and Apocalypse Now. Um, actually, I'm not gonna think too much about that . . . ;)

mamasays, alrighty, then. Both are nice.

thia, that's beyond "older woman," that's "older criminal," don'tcha think?

gyrobo, yea, I'm always trying to maintain the sane. Lotta spam, I just deleted it, too cluttered in here.

gina, musta been the Geritol :)

paintergirl, Pool boy?! The story grows . . . :)

jeff, practice makes perfect. Think about it, what skill could one practice for 7 (or 20) years, and not become markedly better at? Know'm sayin'?

ladybug, I saw; those wacky therapists :)

lawbrat, that sounds a little naughty :)

redhead mommy, yep, that's about right.

robin, true, if that's the grossest thing, she's done OK so far.

tammy, thank you, and welcome :)

ruben, yea, the cheating would have gotten my attention, too, moreso than the age of the partner.

justagirl, yea, at work I don't take anything personally; can't, or I'd be a wreck. Or in jail or something :)

the witch, I like your math :)

 
Blogger ducklet said...

poor girl. she's gonna have esteem problems in about 20 years.

 
Blogger Skywolf said...

Tee hee... The love of my life is 30 years older than me. The sex is great - always has been. *grin*

Pah - some people have no comprehension of how irrelevant age is. One day they might realise... we live in hope.

 
Blogger Susie said...

brando, yea, she'll be back on my couch in 20 years. Or maybe not MY couch, I mean with the bitch-slapping and all . . .

skywolf 30? Wow. Congrats on the great sex; and I am all for living in hope :)

 
Blogger Mainline Mom said...

45 is not old. So I tell myself because I just found out my secret internet crush of 10 years is actually 47 when he first told me he was only 11 years older than me. (I'm 29)

 


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