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Thursday, June 02, 2005

What Animal Am I?

Do you ever call up the public library information desk? I never have, but I always think of doing it. I'll wonder about something and think, I'll bet the library information person could answer that . . . but I don't call. Because that seems like kind of a lazy way to find things out. I think the person would say to me, "You lazy slug! Come to the library and look it up!" So I just keep wondering.

I have a friend who works at the library, sometimes "on the desk." Since it's her story I'm telling here, I'm going to call her . . . Easy Writer. So EW gets a call one evening from a young man with a very heavy accent of some ethnicity that she has thus far neglected to specify, but if she reads this and wants to email me with an ethnicity, then she can. Otherwise, just fill in the accent of your choice. EW tells me the caller was speaking very quickly, and she always feels bad when she can't understand someone, doesn't want him to feel self-conscious. But still, she has to have him repeat the question a number of times.

The caller is asking, "Do you have the American Almanac?" EW finally gets this.

"We do have a copy of The Farmer's Almanac. Would that help?"

"Are there animals on the cover?" He asks hopefully.

"Yes! Yes, there are some animals on the cover," says EW, thinking she's found what he was looking for.

"What animal am I?"

"Excuse me? What animal are you?"

He then tells her his birthday, in early February, and asks again, "What animal am I?"

EW figures that since he's associating his birthday with an animal, he may be asking for a Zodiac sign. (Hmm, that's new. Instead of the old, "What's your sign?", now it's "What's my sign?" But I digress.) She tells him that he would be an "Aquarius," and she offers that they have a copy of Sidney Omarr's book for Aquarius.

"What animal is that?"

"Aquarius isn't an animal. It's the 'water bearer.'"

"Does it have a fish tail?"

"No, you're thinking of 'Pisces, the fish.'" EW could tell he was disappointed not to have a fish tail. She offered to look up what animal he was in the Chinese zodiac, but no, he wanted what was in the American Almanac.

Then he decides to take another avenue toward discovering his animal. "Is the otter in the groundhog family?"

EW is nothing if not thorough, so she looks up "mammalian taxonomy" and discovers that the otter is in the family MUSTELIDAE, and the groundhog is in the family SCIURIDAE. The caller has no appreciation for the thoroughness of her efforts.

Turns out he wanted to be a groundhog all along. He was born near Groundhog Day, so it only seems reasonable that he should be allowed to be a groundhog if he wants to. And while it would have been nice if the American Almanac had confirmed it . . .

When EW told me this story, I thought it was just a funny story. Writing it out now, I see the progression that the caller followed to get where he wanted to be all along . . . from water to fish tail to otter to groundhog. I see that the caller wanted what most of us want -- someone to confirm, to make it official, that we really ARE what we'd like to believe that we are.

So, what animal are you?

45 heads are better than one . . .

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Oooo, Soosie, that is a tricky one.

I am a Momma Lioness always
I am a sloth sometimes
I am a worker bee, flying long distances to do short tasks then taking off again
I am a busy ant sometimes, going going going
I am sometimes a cat who chooses to lay in the sunshine on the floor
I can be a tempermental and stubborn mule

Born in the year of the Monkey
Under the sign of Scorpio

My kids however, are a different story. Grandma always told me they were part animal -- Born with deer faces and bare feet.

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

uh, bear feet...

Blogger Southern Fried Girl said...

I go from mama bear to sloth to worker bee to hippo in the span of about 5 minutes each day.

Blogger Torrie said...

I'm a leo, born in the year of the Dragon.
I am a fiesty biatch.

Anonymous MrsDoF said...

Today, I am a fly in a lampshade, going from spot to place to store and trying to do six things at once.
Youngest son is the Best Man for a wedding this evening, and we his parents (as friends of the groom's parents) are back-up go-fers.

Usually, I am a contented housecat, snoozing in the sun in a chair on the porch.
I did stop to read my Bookmarks of Susie and Chookooloonks before going onward some more.

Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Why, I'm a Horn Dog, of course...

Uh, and a Gemini born in year of the SNAKE, baby! Sssssssssss...

Blogger Nilbo said...

My sign is Pisces, but I'm not a fish. I'd say I'm a big ol' Golden Retriever: loyal, good-natured, willing to work if the reward is there, a good companion, seriously goofy ...

... and very much into snuffling crotches and inappropriate licking.

Blogger Squirl said...

I'm a Taurus (bull, of course, what else) born in the year of the Monkey. That's not Monkee.

But most of all, I'm a squirrel. (dictionary doesn't know how to spell, it's supposed to be Squirl)

Blogger SierraBella said...

I'm born in the year of the snake, under the sign of Sagitarius.

Mr. SB likens me to a wolf, but I'd prefer to be a lioness.

What animal are you, Susie?

Blogger zinger said...

Only the shadow knows if you are a ground hog. In Elephant man, he says, "I am not an animal, I am a human being." I feel so busy that I must be a "human doing." So we say busy as a beaver, I am from Canada, we have a beaver on the nickel but I don't want to be a beaver(don't want the buck teeth and constantly gnawing at trees). So just for today I will go as a bear because I can't bear to think any longer about what animal metaphor I would be!

Blogger Candace said...

What I want to know is what the heck book was he THINKING about in the first place? Is there really a book that tells you what animal you are? If not, there should be!

What animal am I? I'll have to get back to you on that one, since I have absolutely no freaking idea.

Blogger WILLIAM said...

What if the caller (with the accent and what not)said, "Is the OTHER in the groundhog family" referring to Aquarius. For that matter what if she misunderstood the intial question. What if he was looking for "Rand Macnally" and was looking for "Any Malls".
Sorry, I find the whole thing interesting.

Blogger Robin said...

I am a Leo, which makes me the lion, which makes me loud and pushy.

I was born in the year of the Ox, which makes me stubborn.

So I guess that makes me an Oxylion, which makes me hard to live with. I should go apologize to my husband now...

Blogger Effie said...

Well, according to Blogger, I'm a snake, or serpent--going by the Chinese calendar, but I've never felt like a snake, so...I think I'm an Elephant. Big and strong (not quite like me )with a good memory and a good work ethic(pretty much like me)...and afraid of mice!

Blogger Effie said...

Hey--Sierrabella--I'm from the year of the snake and am a Sagitarius too--very close in age we might be...(said a la Yoda)

Blogger SierraBella said...

I'm one of the dinosaurs in blogworld, so you're probably 12, or even 24 years younger than me...
I don't feel that old!

Blogger August95 said...

Hi Susie, I am a dog.
Either my dogs are barking or I'm dog tiered.
I am like a dog with a bone sometimes.
Some days all I want to do is lay around in the sun and jump in and out of the pool. For someone to take me places and feed me on time. To rub me behind the ear and coo sweet words to me...
Crap, my dogs are spoiled... I want to be one of my dogs.

Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Groundhog, otter, fish tail.... Wait, I'm going in reverse. Damn, that alien has screwed me over...

Blogger Annejelynn said...

first of all, where's your "transportation" SPD pic?

2nd of all, I'm an otter

Blogger Twixie said...

this makes me think of one thing only-- pardon me while I break into song:

Say what you wanna
But I'm here to stay
'Cause I'm a mean ole lion
You can go where you're gonna
But don't get in my way
I'm a mean ole lion

You'll be standing in a draft
If you don't hear me laugh (hahahaha)
And if you happen to come around
Well, you best not make me frown
For I just might knock you down
I'm a mean ole lion

You know I'm ready to fight
And turn your day into night
'Cause I'm a mean ole lion
If you're half bright
You'll detour to the right
From a mean ole lion

All you strangers better beware
This is the king of the jungle here
And if I happen to let you slide
Don't just stand here
Go run and hide
You just caught my better side

I'm a mean ole lion

You better beware
This is the king of the jungle here
And if I happen to let you slide
Don't stand here
Run and hide
You just caught my better side

I'm a mean ole lion

Blogger Susie said...

CK, deer, I knew you meant bear feets. You're not a circus, you're a zoo!

sfg, I hope when you're a hippo, you wear a drop-waist dress with a peplum. I love to see a hippo in a peplum :)

torrie, that's a very exciting combination. I'm a goat born in the year of the rat! Not nearly so sexy. I need to do some more thinking about what critter I want to be.

mrsDoF, don't get too close to the bulb!

bucky, I don't think that's a real animal. But a snake is. A serpent. Like the one in the Garden of Eden . . .

nilbo, do you get wacked on the nose with a newspaper? Kicked off the bed?

squirl, yes, you are, and your little portrait is lovely :)

sierrabella, I like your animals. If I don't have to be a goat or a rat, I would be one of the big cats. Maybe a leopard. One that really intrigues people, that commands respect and admiration, as well as the awareness that you'd better not piss her off . . . MWHAHAHAHAH, oh, I mean, RAAAAARRRRR!

zinger welcome, and thank you for your thoughtful response. I totally believe you -- I can tell when someone's lion. HA! (i crack myself up)

misfit, you look mighty lovely in your profile pic. All I know is what she told me. You should write that book!

william, allow me a moment of career counseling: don't you EVER work at a library info desk!

robin, surely hubby is a different animal sometimes, too. I like the oxylion thing.

effie, I hope you have really big ears so you can fly around for fun, after you've done all your hard work :)

august95, I thought of being a dog; it really would depend upon what family the dog is in, wouldn't it? Your dogs are lucky dogs!

oldhorsetailsnake, you are an oldhorsetailsnake.

annejelynn, of course you're an otter. I haven't done SPD yet; I'll get around to it. greenie's gonna help me do one in July!

twixie, absolutely. You will always be pardoned for breaking into song here :)

Blogger Weetzie said...

as you can see from my profile pic, I am a pixie but when I am not being a pixie, I am a meek and mild mannered teensy little mouse.

Blogger gmoney said...

i loved the story.
all in all a great post.. kind made me sad, though I was laughing at first :)

Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

I am a Leo, born year of the Tiger, nicknamed/worknamed Kitty and I own 12 cats.

Clearly I am a flamingo.

All the way baby.

Blogger Lori said...

I am a Labrador retriever. Always friendly and enthusiastic, ready to play at a moment's notice.

Blogger this.is.damon said...

I'm a soggy sheep. Aquarius .. born year of the sheep .. get it? Yeah, me neither. Of course, sometimes I get referred to as a "big'ole teddy bear"

No you didn't just sing the cowardly lion's song from "The Wiz", lol. That was good....

Blogger Bente said...

That was such a cute and funny story. I Think I'm a sheep according chinese astrology, actually me, my husband and our daughter all have the same animal.

Anonymous SUB said...

I am a Rat that shoot arrows (possessing a horse's behind).

As the Rat is the first sign of the Chinese Zodiac, there is an interesting story.

The animals were in a race to see what order in the Zodiac they would be.

The Rat, being the crafty fellow that he is, jumped up on the back of the Ox. As they were nearing the finish line, he scrambled up to the Ox's head, jumped off, and became the first sign of the zodiac.

Why the Ox was faster than the Horse or Tiger, I don't know, but the Rat knew what was what.

Blogger zhoen said...

Coincidentally, I have always been an otter. But I do have an inner Bear.

Blogger eclectic said...

Myself? I'm not sure, but my 2 year old insists that he's a "skunk-bunny",... whatever the heck that is. Does that help?

Blogger Greenthumb said...

I'm a ram full of monkey business. Now someone tell me what they did to my BLOG!!!

I mean it...I'm going start kicking and screaming here in 10 seconds.


Blogger whfropera said...

scorpio, year of the snake, water snake to be specific, or in opera terms- Tamino's serpent.

Greenie- you should know by now that blogger just sucks.

Blogger Spurious Plum said...

Can I be a platypus? Cause rockin' the fur with a big, blue bill is completely hot.

P.S. Mateo says you can always call HIM at the Reference Desk. He promises not to call you a lazy slug more than once or twice.

Blogger Susie said...

weetzie, I didn't see the pixie until now. Cool. But now you're a mouse.

gmoney, I hope the happy comes back.

jessicarabbit, a PINK one, I hope.

lori, you sound like a GOOD DOG, unlike my Biscuit.

damon, soggy is out. Teddy Bear is always in. Nice new pic. But where's the white hat?

bente, I would think that makes family life more peaceful, all being of the same animal family :)

SUB, rats always know what's what. My daughter and I are Chinese zodiac rats.

zhoenw, Inner bear. Does that mean Outer Otter?

eclectic, I think only 2-year-olds are qualified to be skunk-bunnies. Stinky hoppers. Hoppy stinkers. That sort of thing.

greenie the monkey-filled ram, I saw, sweetie. I hope it's back, now. It must be restored before you leave for sin ci-tay.

whfropera, that sounds like such a dignified snake.

platyplum, of course you can be that fine critter, evidence, as they say, of God's sense of humor.

I would totally call Mateo. I would ask him if he can give me a delicious fruity nickname. "What fruit am I?"

Blogger Dee said...

I am a ram of course. Aries and I like being a ram.

Blogger mrtl said...

At this very moment, I am a sloth and enjoying every moment of it.

Sloth has battled the beaver in me and won. Beaver wanted to put together the coat tree for our foyer.

Blogger Jomama said...

Hey Robin, my husband's an oxylion too. He can be a bit difficult as well, but you're probably still lovable like he is.

As for me, I am a ram born in the year of the dog. I used to want to be a giraffe when I was little because they don't make any noise and they're slender and pretty. Yeah, I was strange. In a public speaking class a few years ago, some of my classmates had to tell me what animal I was and most of them said lamb because I am so quiet and shy.

Anonymous lawbrat said...

I'm a cancer, and a Rat. What does that mean? I'm not sure.

RAT: You are imaginative, charming, and truly generous to the person you love. However, you have a tendency to be quick-tempered and overly critical. You are also inclined to be somewhat of an opportunist. Born under this sign, you should be happy in sales or as a writer, critic, or publicist.

What am I doing in Law School....

Blogger Susie said...

dee, I'm sure you have very nice horns.

mrtil, this is troubling.
The beaver should always be victorious.

rina bee, I thought you might have been a bee. You have chosen quiet, gentle critters.

lawbrat, everyone knows rats make excellent lawyers! ;)

Anonymous lawbrat said...

Susie- that cracked me up! I'm still chuckling from that. Thanks.

Blogger Jomama said...

Lol, I never even thought of bee! I kinda am like a bee, only I don't move as fast. I used to though. When I picked the bee in my name, I wasn't thinking of the insect, it's just the letter B spelled out. I thought it was cute.

Blogger Boarder Girl said...

I have always considered myself to be like a CAT. Hyper one moment and lazy the next.

I was born in the year of the Horse, under the sign of Scorpio.

This is what they say about people that were born under the Horse sign:

Your capacity for hard work is amazing. Your are your own person-very independent. While intelligent and friendly, you have a strong streak of selfishness and sharp cunning and should guard against being egotistical. Your sign suggests success as an adventurer, scientist, poet, or politician.

I think some of this is very true to my personality.

Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

I am Pisces born in the year of the rooster. I am also cranky. What animal is cranky?

Blogger Nicolette said...

A gemini born in the year of the monkey. It does explain my ability to peel a banana with my feet...and the moodiness.

My dogs are (in order of thir entries into the family): a moose (Sheltie), a bear (sheltie), a pony (greyhound), and a squirrel (sheltie). 2 of my cats are cats and my third cat is a cow. My guinea pig is a guinea pig.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Year of the Snake 1977

and in Scorpio in the regular Zodiac, and not on the Sagitarian [sp.?] cusp but just before it


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