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Wednesday, October 25, 2006

A Difference of Opinion

Met with a graduate student that I'm supervising. I have always had regard for my students ranging from love to respectful acceptance. This one, I may have to smack. A priest from India, getting a counseling doctorate. In our supervision session, he presents a marital therapy case in which the problem, as he sees it, after interviewing the couple extensively, is that the wife yells at the husband and does not treat him with respect. He goes on rather passionately about how the problem is that this woman does not respect her husband! This is not good, of course.

But upon listening to the tape recording of the counseling sessions, it would seem to me that the "problem" is actually that the husband has a girlfriend on whom he spends an awful lot of time and money. Hmm, wonder if this could account for some of the wife's yelling?

Respect, my ass.

file under: &Work

32 heads are better than one . . .

Blogger Amy said...

I do respect your ass, Susie. Very much.

Not the graduate student's ass though, that ass needs a good swat.

 
Blogger LadyBug said...

Amy totally stole my comment!

I was gonna tell you how much *I* respect your ass. AND your booty flies. Hee.

 
Blogger Effie said...

Um, my opinion would have to differ from his as well! Sheesh!

how YOU doin'?

 
Blogger Lynn said...

Amy stole my comment, too. Susie, if you smack him, do it twice (once for me). What a jerk-off. The priest and the husband both. How can this student not understand that people express themselves when they are in pain? One of the ways people do that is by yelling at the person who has abandoned and dismissed them. If this wife is going to respect her husband, then damn it, he's going to have to work much harder than that to earn it! A piece of paper and a ring (and the opinion of a jackass) is not enough!!!!! These things amount to squat all by themselves! Attitudes of male supremacy have caused much grief for me in my life. I know this causes grief for plenty of other women as well. Smack him, Susie. Smack him hard! Ok, now I'm in a mood. I suddenly don't need any coffee. Thanks for that, Susie! Spazoids shouldn't drink coffee.

 
Blogger WILLIAM said...

Does the girlfriend yell at him too?

 
Anonymous Undercover Mutha said...

What a total weiner. I mean winner. Both of those guys.

My husband gets yelled at for the normal stuff. Lord help me if we had a girlfriend thrown into the mix.

My word verification is menbrds. I've never seen "bastards" abbreviated that way. JUST KIDDING! I really don't yell at my husband...much.

 
Blogger Kat said...

See now I see the problem as being that wife hasn't properly expressed herself with the yelling and really should team up with the girlfriend and get her cake and eat it too all while not having to deal with a lousy piece of crap man since he'll be off playing with his girlfriend.

 
Blogger Carlos said...

This story tells us that marital therapy is not for priests.

 
Blogger Platypus said...

Love the comments and agree with them all. You should totally kick his ass, Susie, or whack him with a rat's ass, that'd be good...

I'm with the wife! ;)

 
Blogger Susie said...

amy, I knew you would respect my ass. Mutual, my dear.

ladybug, amy's like that ;)

effie, sheesh, indeed. I'm not doing very well, thanks for asking though. Having a fancy schmancy test tomorrow with a camera in my vocal cords. Good times.

lynn, this is going to be an interesting semester. Not only do I have a male student from a very patriarchal institution, but also from a very male-dominated culture, and he is not doing so well with taking direction from a female supervisor. We'll see how it goes.

william, well, if she doesn't, she SHOULD!

mutha, you're funny :) I don't yell at my husband. I mean, now I can barely speak, but even back in the day, not much of a yeller. More with the evil eye, here :)

kat, that is one way to go :)

carlos, welcome :) You have identified something that I do see as problematic. Personally, I would not go to an avowed celibate for couples counseling. But for better or worse, they do end up doing marriage counseling, so I will do what I can to whip this guy into shape.

platypus, heee. I can't wait to say to him, "I oughta whack you with a rat's ass!"

 
Blogger lawyerchik said...

It's all "perspective" - they just lack "perspective." Men, priests, whoever can't see that a fellow who fools around on his wife deserves to be yelled at lacks perspective.

Of course, my mom's answer to that is, "He has to sleep some time....." :)

 
Anonymous Daphne said...

Hmmmm... sounds like a "learning experience" for everyone--though I do hope the couple gets somewhere.

 
Blogger Nina said...

My favorite area of study cross-cultural Psychology. Sound like your student could use that course, we were taught to check our own culture at the door.
Hopefully he learns how . . . I was wondering about how he was taking direction from a female supervisor? But I see you answered that up there. :)
Bless you child . . .

 
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Hey Susie, have some fun with him. Make sure you always keep him waiting for appointments. Make sure you always reject his first two dates/times he suggests for appointments. Always wear pants at these appointments. Walk quickly in the hall and stay ahead of him.

"Yes, I can see your point. Clearly this woman does not respect this man's superior position in this relationship. Why she is not allowing him to spend all his time and money on this whore is quite perplexing. How else can she get him to expose himself to VD and add to the lengthy lists of reasons that her attorney will use to sue the PANTS off of this man?"

 
Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

:o|

Whuh?
Oh, dayum! That ain't right.
/So glad I'm single!

 
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Susie - I totally respect your ass.

Hee hee!

*after reading other comments*

Ok, yeah, well... I never claimed to be original, but It doesn't make my comment any less true. :)

 
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Wait... a camera in your vocal chords? Is this so you can see what you're saying?

 
Blogger Susie said...

lawyerchik, is that what it is? I KNEW he was lacking something... :)

daphne, yea; interns have to learn by doing, and it's up to the supervisors to make sure that the client doesn't suffer inordinately from the intern's lack of experience. I'm keeping a tight rein on the guy, and if he doesn't follow my instructions, he'll be gone.

nina, thank you, I'm gonna need some blessing. I was concerned about my own lack of knowledge about his culture -- but that's the difference, I knew enough to be concerned about it. He is very heavy-handedly imposing his own cultural perspective on the process, and I'm not going to stand for it, dammit!

mrB, you are an evil and brilliant man. Me likey :)

MoDis, they're not ALL like that, I promise.

ck, hee, thanks for giving me my joke of the day for tomorrow. While the camera is there, I have to talk, so that's what I'll say: Do ya see what I'm sayin'?!

 
Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

I am thinking a closed fist might be more appropriate. That's cuz I was raised in a culture of violence.

 
Blogger KimS said...

Susie,

(Hi! New commenter!)

Whoa. Have you ever seen the Oprah episode that covered bride burning in India? Even assuming that he wouldn't agree with that modern practice, I think you have a major cultural divide to deal with there.

I'd hate to be the person who'd have to help this person get his doctoral degree in counseling. Or the person to try to explain why you're refusing to help him get that degree. Ack.

(You don't even know me, Susie, but I've been praying for you for months. Hope that's encouraging and not creepy!)

 
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

:) Just make sure and share the details if you try it out. I betcha can't do it with a straight face. Betcha, betcha!

 
Blogger Traci said...

I'm just goin' to jump on the "I respect your ass" bandwagon!

The guy needs to go honey. You already know that eh? Just what everyone needs...a priest convinced he knows all. Grrr...

As for the "see what I'm sayin" test today??? I am laughing my ass off! I bet the doctor won't keep a straight face either! I'm sorry for more tests but hope it won't be too yucky. Do I need to be doing more research? Geez! Don't they ever run out of tests???!!!

MWAH!

 
Blogger eclectic said...

How can I respect your ass when you won't even show it to us? I mean, c'mon, I showed you mine. ;) *heh* So, did they "see" what you were saying?

Oh, and you're in a tough spot with Father India, but if anyone can turn the light on for him, I'm betting on you.

 
Blogger Susie said...

kranki, I could go that way, too :)

kimS, first, thanks for your prayers, very encouraging and not at all creepy :) Please keep it up.
I hate to have to be the one who puts the brakes on this guy getting the degree he's in this country to get, but if he doesn't show some signs of getting a clue soon, that's what will happen, sadly.

mrB, you might be surprised at the things I've managed to say with a straight face over the years ;) I'll let you know how it all goes.

traci, I emailed the company/doc that did the original research you told me about today. Can't get anyone here to listen yet, but I'm still hopeful.

eclectic, you want pictures? I want people to RESPECT my ass, not FEAR it! ;) Throat cam is late this afternoon. Hopefully they'll see what I'm sayin'

 
Blogger Squirl said...

First, I'll be thinking about you this afternoon when they're down your throat, and not in a fun way.

Second, we all respect your ass around here, Susie. Otherwise we wouldn't all give a rat's ass for you. :)

Third, this guy's gotta learn a whole new culture. Good luck teaching him.

 
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Hey darlin... how did it go?

 
Blogger Ortizzle said...

LMAO at the comments. And the graduate student? He should be declared a culturally incompetent machista. May an elephant crap on his birthday cake. Or his mistress.

 
Blogger ...jus me said...

Men!!! That's all I have to say!

 
Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

Hmm. I once had an Indian doctor gyno. who when I said I wanted full STD tests said to me, arent you married? I said yes but what differance does that make? I am sure I wouldnt be the first woman in the world to find out her spouse had been less then faithful while at the doctors office. The reason I wanted it done was my tests always came back abnormal due to my precancerous cervic, but after his rude attitude I didnt feel like explaining that I knew it would come back funky and didnt want to have to come for more tests.

The next time I saw him he goes, oh yeah arent you the one with the herpes. I said uh NO, that was not me. That was the LAST time I saw him. Some cultural differences make me want to pull out my hair just a bit.

 
Blogger Susie said...

squirl, I think I'm just going to run over him with my car.

ck, I know you got the email :) Basically, the good news/bad news is that my speech problems are not due to any growths or infection in my vocal chords. Or cords. I didn't look it up. Both are fine, though.

ortizzle, whoa, baby, you are TOUGH! An elephant crap on his birthday cake? Now, did you mean that an elephant should also crap on his mistress, or that his mistress should crap on his birthday cake? But, either way, YEA.

jusYOU, can't live with 'em, can't, well, some can . . .

JR, "Aren't you the one with the herpes?" MAN, of all the rude greetings I get at the family reunion, that is the one that really STINGS! heeee Some docs, I swear. You remind me of, I don't know HOW many docs in the last few months, when looking at my stack of bloodtest results . . .when we were pursuing adoption we had to have HIV tests, so that's in there. And although I am not complaining, in any way, shape or form, of AIDS-related symptoms, they all skim the bloodwork and announce, "Well, I see that you don't have HIV..." And then they wait, apparently for some explanation. The first few times I said, "blah blah adoption blah." Now, I just say, "Yea, that's a relief, huh?" Some one needs to teach the docs same basic SENSE.

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I was an OT student I was paired with a Chinese man who we all knew from various humiliating incidents with the women in the class had some male dominance/superiourity issues. I dreaded this evaluation, especially since it was the first full evaluation I was scheduled to have ever done on my own.

The evaluation was of a woman with schizophrenia who lived with another mentally ill patient in a very dirty, very unsafe apartment through a community living program.

My so-called partner's summary of our visit? "This woman is lazy. She needs to clean her house."

I had never been so mad I saw red before......

 
Blogger Susie said...

anon, unbelievable. Don't you just wonder how someone with that narrow a perspective has made it that far in life?

 


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