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Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Just When You Think You Know Someone . . .

I have recently had a most unpleasant experience in blogworld. Events that happened earlier in my life, for which I have been forgiven, and which I had hoped could remain hidden, have been uncovered and exposed, by other bloggers. I was young, I was confused; I did the best I could under the circumstances, at the time of these events. I had hoped to put all that behind me. After the initial trauma to all parties, I had hoped that this story would never again see the light of day. And that was the case.

Until a certain girl band, Nikki and the Sisters, uncovered my story. You may know these women by their innocent-sounding name, SWLF, Sarah's Wacky Loving Family. Yes, the very same. If you see them mentioned around blogworld, you'll see, "Oh, they're so nice," "Oh, they're so kind," "Oh, they have so much love." But I have seen the dark underbelly of Nikki and the Sisters. And I'm here to tell you, it ain't pretty. If you have a secret in your past, they will expose it. They are like the National freakin' Enquirer.

What they say about me is, in fact, true. But everything has truly worked out for the best, for all concerned. I married my true love. And that other guy, he did OK. He really did, thanks, MOSTLY, to me. I inspired every success he ever had, and he will be the first to admit it (if he's still alive).

Now, I hope that we can return this matter to the closet, where it belongs.

51 heads are better than one . . .

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Um... wait... I thought that other guy was gay?

Oh, I'm SO confused.

Blogger Susie said...

CK, it is confusing, dear. Simma down. Neil was not gay when I knew him. I have heard it said that I "ruined him for any other woman," whatever that means, but that's just heresay. And haven't we had enough of THAT around here lately?

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Well, thank you for straightening me out, Susie Qusie. Yes, there's been quite enough heresy around these parts lately... ;)

Blogger Karen said...

I have nothing intelligent to say about anything right now. But my word verification is "femeox".

Why is the image of Neil Sedaka in a tuxedo being replaced in my mind with Paul Bunyan in a lumberjack shirt?

Blogger Susie said...

ck, it's all from the Common Taters.

karen, hmmm, does he have an axe? Different strokes, dear.

Blogger Susie said...

And karen, didn't Paul Bunyan record, "I Got You, Babe?"

Blogger mrtl said...

This is a very important lesson to learn. You must be careful to whom you reveal your secrets.

Blogger MrsDoF said...

Yes, that would have been Paul and Babe.
But it was Lobo who sang "Baby, I'd love you to want me, the way that I want you".
Susie, I'm sure that Jif was much more worthy of you than Neil. He was on the road so much, he might not have been able to stay true to you.
I don't think you ruined him at all. In fact, I might have taken him in, had he asked nicely.
word veri: qkvcey Are we qvetching?

Anonymous Johnny Mathis said...

How come I am not getting any love over here.

Blogger Susie said...

mrtl, good advice, my friend. Too late to save me.

mrsDoF, I'm not sure if we're qvetching, or kvetching or some other sort of -etching. Maybe Shoshie, the Yiddish Master, will come and enlighten us later.

johnnym, like I told you before, and then you went and wrote a song about it, it's not for me to say.

Blogger abcd said...

Oh Lordie,
I am laughing so hard I could
puke. Lisabeth obviously has lost
her mind. She is really the nice
one in the bunch. But now she went
and did what she did. Those pictures of Neil are so funny. The
one where he has the aqua shirt
on he looks so GAY. Good thing you
left him behind Susie, very good thing.

Now who was talking about Paul
Bunyan I thought he was a logger
and ate that Dinty Moore Beef

Susie do you want Lisabeths telephone number?

We are still going to get this band going on. I am thinking we could perform at Radio City Music
Hall and in lieu of the Rockettes
have the Blogettes

Blogger Jim said...

Gosh - y'all aren't going to BELIEVE this but Neil Sedaka just called me and asked me out! OMG! What'll I WEAR?

Anonymous kalki said...

I cannot believe we are STILL talking about Neil Sedaka!! Sheesh.

Blogger abcd said...

I had too much fun with that post. Now I have Grace on my lap
and she wants some of that cake.
I told her "Aunt Susie"
used to love this geek. She said
"OHHHHHHHH". That's my baby girl
at such a young age, she can spot
a loser.
I am to young to remember
him (ha ha) but I remember Sarah,
Shoshie, and MJ going on about him.


Blogger abcd said...

Now who the heck did that Johnny
Mathis post-he is so yesterday,
and so wrong. If you tell us you loved him Susie I am going to plotz. I see another post coming.
Who sang that song For All the Men I Loved Before? When you have kids
the only songs I know anymore
involve animals and dolls.


Now you do know Nikki's parents
were Mormons. Talk to her about
how it works with the multiple
wives. I'm just saying in case
you want Neil, Johnny, Jif.

Blogger Squirl said...

Well, Blogger just ate my comment. I guess putting lyrics from a Neil Sedaka song in was just too much for it.

You chose the better man, Susie. I'll bet that when Jif sings nobody asks, "Is that a guy or a girl?"

Blogger abcd said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. That's my
girl Lisabeth being bad. I am so
proud of her. I am usually the one
causing trouble, but today it was
good old Lis.

Susie the whole world knows you
gave Neil the heave ho and left
him in tears. That's no big secret,
I saw you both a few year ago on
Judge Judy fighting over that
aqua shirt. You said it was yours,
he said it was his. I never did
hear who got the shirt?

I am so showing this to my husband
after he does the DISHES and homework check. I am hiding out,
I made cupcakes last night at 11pm
for those kids.


You know that Sarah is howling up
in heaven.

Anonymous Hänni said...

hee hee. I have a gay ex boyfriend too.

Blogger eclectic said...


Shoshie just said you gave Neil the "heave-ho". Honey, that just wasn't nice. If you're going to give the man you love a ho, make sure she's not heaving. I trust you learned that, so Jif doesn't have to worry.

Anonymous lawbrat said...

Oh man, secrets just have a way of getting out.

I'm sure you did ruin him for other women. You Go Susie!


Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Blogger who dig skeletons out of other people’s closets are, well, uh…bloggers.

Blogger Hot Wife Natalie said...

I just hope she had your permission to post that.

Anonymous Husband of Shoshanna said...

My dear wife (Shoshanna) brought
me into her office and showed me
the antics.

Your a good sport Susan. I would
try and extract money from them.


Blogger Susie said...

Nikki, ahem, I GAVE him that aqua shirt! When I thought he looked most gay was the day of the wedding. When I saw him standing at the alter with that damned scarf on top of the tux, I was all, "Dude, you are WAY GAY..." and I became the runaway bride.
Dinty Moore? Wait, I'm thinking of the Brawny Man.
I'd like to see Nikki and the Sisters on American Idol. When you all get your first gig, we can definitely get some blogettes together to be your background dancers. Your "fly girls." Or pie girls, yea, I'd make a better pie girl.

jim, get outta here! OK, wear an aqua T-shirt, and an ivory cashmere scarf.

kalki, a day without Neil Sedaka would be like . . . most days.

lisabeth, give Princess Grace a big piece of my not-wedding cake :) I don't know what Johnny Mathis is doing here; I think he lurks here a lot. I have no history with him, honestly, I don't. I think Neil dated him after we broke up.

squirl, yea, it wasn't so much when Neil would sing that people would ask, "boy or girl?" It was more when . . . oh, never mind.

shoshie, I got the shirt. Jif wears it now, on special occasions. Real special. Good girl, hiding until the dishes and homework are done. You made the cupcakes!
I was thinking earlier today, that Sarah is wetting her pants. But then I thought, people in heaven probably don't wet their pants. So, yea, howling; howling is good. Sarah has a delightful sense of humor, and playfulness :) That has made this whole silly thing just that much more fun.

hanni, ruined him, too, huh?

eclectic, actually, I gave him a ho named "Johnny Mathis."

lawbrat, that IS a compliment, right?

ssnick, I thought this was buried so deeply. But bloggers are good detectives, it would seem.

hotwifenatalie, oh, no. No permission. I'm thinking of suing. She'll be all "Oh, don't sue me; I'm pregnant!" But I will have no mercy.

sam, *gasp* I just wrote the above comments before I saw yours. You and I are so on the same page! I think I will sue. Are you an attorney, by any chance? Or maybe you have some "dirt" on Nikki and the Sisters . . . you know, like an E! True Hollywood Story story, or a "Behind the Music."

Blogger Karen said...

Yay, Susie, I was trying so hard to come up with that "Babe" reference.

You know, that song came out when the femme ox was trying to break up the relationship, but the big blue guy just wouldn't be lured away from Paul.

Anonymous Liberace said...

I thought Kneel S was cute. Well...Kneel is what I called him.

Blogger Nina said...

Neil is very excited that opening night is apporaching for Breaking Up is Hard to Do at the Actor's Playhouse in Coral Gables, FL on January 27, 2006. The show is currently in previews, and is being well received.

((I heard he was dedicating the "Breaking Up is Hard to Do" Show to none other than Ms. Susie Fairchild herself.))

((From Neil manager's email, Neil is still alive, he is turning 67 on March 13 this year. He just has never been able to forget Susie and how painful it was breaking up with her.))

Blogger Nina said...

((The manager also stated Neil wrote the song after Susie left him, So Neil gives Susie credit for his first #1 song on the charts.))
(((And while the song Breaking Up is Hard to Do, made him a lot of money and brought him fame. Neil would have traded all of that if Susie would have come back to him.)))

Blogger hellokittn said...

Sweet, you turned a dude gay. At least you made him "happy" right?

Sorry, tired and slap happy :). HI SUSIE!!!!

Blogger abcd said...

I am trying very hard not to laugh.
Can you even imagine what it was
like in our house growing up?

Sarah would be very proud of Lisabeth today. Sarah and Shoshie
were the "bad girls" in our house.

Nikki is usually the calming
influence but I see she went with
the crowd today.

Ask Shoshie what her husband does.

Thank you all for the laugh. It
brought back great memories for
me tonight.


Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Women with gay ex-boyfriends - unite!

Susie, you should know that nothing is sacred in Blogsylvania. When we sense a weakness, a past foible, a moment of hesitation, we POUNCE.

But...what's that I hear?

Oooooh, I hear laughter in the rain
Walkin' hand in hand with the one I love
Oooooh, how I love the rainy days
And the happy way
I feel insi-i-ide

Blogger Susie said...

karen, he was blue, too? As in smurflike? Or depressed?

liberace, you are one charismatic homosexual American entertainer.

nina, you are a fine investigative reporter. I am glad that Neil's old ass is still around. And that he still knows who made him what he is today (not old and gay, I mean, successful, blah blah). Between the age difference, and the gay thing, it was all for the best.

chchchchia, turned him gay? Hmmm. That's a compliment, right?

rachel, I'm sure you all had a lot of fun. I'm glad that Lisabeth did Sarah proud. The first time Sarah commented here, I loved her wacky sense of humor. I immediately went over and started being goofy with her. I did think many times yesterday, that she would so enjoy this craziness :) And now I am curious about what Sam does.

bucky, this has all made me think of your buddies, and "Sedaka is back! da da da da . . . ." You know what I'm talkin' about.

Blogger abcd said...

Strolling along country roads with my baby
It starts to rain, it begins to pour
Without an umbrella we're soaked to the skin
I feel a shiver run up my spine
I feel the warmth of her hand in mine

Oo, I hear laughter in the rain
Walking hand in hand with the one I love
Oo, how I love the rainy days
And the happy way I feel inside

After a while we run under a tree
I turn to her and she kisses me
There with the beat of the rain on the leaves
Softly she breathes and I close my eyes
Sharing our love under stormy skies

Oo, I hear laughter in the rain
Walking hand in hand with the one I love
Oo, how I love the rainy days
And the happy way I feel inside

He wrote that song for you. Now
when he sings that song he subs
the word she for he.

We can play a game. What does
Sam do besides chasing me around
the house.

I should have never let him comment
on the blog. He calls me this
AM and says "Send me the link for
your blogs". I think NOT.


Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Shoshie, that is pure evil!

I approve.

Susie, now I wish I had some of my Captain and Tennille on CD..it's alllll vinyl, all of it.

Sedaka is back...

Susie Sedaka.

I like the sound of it.

Blogger Susie said...

shoshie, oh, shoshie, even throughout this trying time, I have tried to keep some things private. But I'm just going to go on and spill it all. There was no rain. This song came from the unfortunate occasion of the first time I walked in on Neil in the shower. He heard me laughing, but I hid quickly, and being all OLD and whatnot, he thought for a moment that he was outside in the rain, and hearing laughter, and he did appear to feel happy inside, and well, you know the rest of the story. All's well that ends well.

Is Sam a doctor? Is he Neil Sedaka's manager? You don't want worlds colliding, Shoshie. You are a wise woman not to give him the keys to blogworld. You can occasionally let him visit, but if you let him run around in here willy-nilly, he might get "hooked," and then who would do the dishes and check the homework?

bucky, that is the only thing I regret. Susie Sedaka is a very cool name.

Blogger abcd said...

Were you laughing because he had
a tiny shmekel? (yiddish for penis)

After that shower incident and you
hee-hawing over his shmekel poor
Neil had the melt down. While he
was "in the closet" recovering
that's when he wrote YOU this song.

Don't take your love away from me
Don't you leave my heart in misery
If you go then I'll be blue
'Cause breaking up his hard to do

Remember when you held me tight
And you kissed me all through the night
Think of all that we've been through
And breaking Up Is Hard To Do

They say that breaking up is hard to do
Now I know, I know that it's true
Don't say that this is the end
Instead of breaking up
I wish that we were making up again

I beg of you, don't say goodbye
Can't we give our love another try
Come on baby, let's start a new
'Cause breaking up is hard to do

My husband is NOT his manager. If he was he would make sure he
dressed better!

I also like the sound of Susie
Sedaka it rolls off your tongue.

Do not start "nuthin"
having to do with the tongue.

I am at work and my door is shut.
If I read and start laughing they
will come in and think I have
created something superb. Only
to see I am laughing about tongue


See what Lisabeth started- such
a bad girl. Nikki told her she
stands a good chance of her baby
looking like Neil regardless of the

Anonymous lawbrat said...

Its a very good compliment! After you, there's no where for a man to go but down.

Blogger abcd said...

My baby will NOT look anything like
Neil Sedaka. I was afraid that I
would be banned today after what I
did. Now I see Shoshie is being
bad. Shoshie was so bad when we
were kids, she spent lots of time
being grounded.

I hope I don't have another hormone
surge and do a Johnny Mathis post.

Do we like Susie Mathis, Susie
Anka, Susie Osmond, Susie Manilow

Oh the life of a stay at home

I love you "sis"

Blogger Andrea said...

I...I just can't think of a thing to say (and I think it's all been said anyway). But I will confess I am so gullible that for a full minute I thought you really truly did leave Neil Sedaka at the altar sometime a long time ago.

Please don't use that confession of gullibility against me :)

Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Andrea...is that a weakness I detect?


Blogger Hippo said...

Geez, I was hopin' for some real red meat here...alls I got was an airy, flaky croissant.

No lesbians, no animal, no aliens, nothing inter-family, no death-row anecdotes....


Dr H.O. Potamus

Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

If I were you, I never would have admitted this secret. Some things are better left unsaid, like the words "Neil Sedaka."

Blogger SierraBella said...

I'm thinking Bucky should do an audio post singing some of your ex BF's lyrics!
If she can yodel, she can certainly do Sedaka.

Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Sierrabella - oh, trust me...I tried to do Sedaka. He just kept bursting into tears and sobbing "You're not Susie, and you're not the pool boy. BEGONE!"

And my ver word is rugbif

Maybe it's just me...but that kinda sounds dirty.

Blogger abcd said...

Glad I came in after Hippo. Enuff

Checking on Susie to see how
she is holding up after this

See I can be nice.


Blogger Susie said...

shoshie, this used to be a respectable establishment. Then you came in with your shmekels and your "roll off the tongue," and I think we may have an R rating, now :0

lawbrat, did you say there's no way for a man to go but down? You did, didn't you? PWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

lisabeth, aw, honey, of course your sweet baby won't look like Neil Sedaka. That mean Nikki.

Your baby will look like Johnny Mathis :)

andrea, I fear for your safety now that Bucky has smelled gullibility ;)

hippo, there is at least one rather glaring error in your assessment of this here situation. And that's all I have to say about that.

hoss, tell me about it. I can't believe people have this much to say about it. But they do love a scandal, I guess.

sierrabella, HI! good to see you, and that is an excellent idea.

bucky, a nice talcum powder can prevent rugbif.

nikki, it's been rough, but I'm OK. Yes, that was indeed nice of you to check on me.

Blogger eclectic said...

*still chuckling*

Blogger Hippo said...

Disclaimer to my previous comment. No lesbians, aliens, animals, etc were hurt or intended to be hurt in the formulation of that comment.

Live and Let live say I however, out of the ordinary events become news and Gossip.

For Example, say, Barbara Bush comes out and admits that she has been sleeping with Oprah and is moving in with her and Dr. Phil.

I have nothing against their sexual orientation nor their tri-nogomous relationship. I note it because it was shocking, unexpected.

Similiarly if George Bush denied sleeping with coke whores before his being born again, I would be shocked. Not hateful of GW, or Coke or even whores, just that he is not telling the truth when he has to now.

Thats all!

Dr. H.O. Potamus - Lover of Humanity!

Blogger Susie said...

eclectic, doing the same, along with you :)

hippo, well, I know that the alien whores here appreciate that very much. :)

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Neil has never been gay.

Anonymous Anonymous said...


Good to see he is still an old romanitic dining with his wife.


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