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Monday, December 19, 2005

The Christmas Scarf Miracle Scam

Two years ago, very close to Christmas, I discovered that I had miscalculated my continuing education hours for the year, and in order to keep my clinical license current, I had to get my butt to one more seminar before the year ended. So on December 20th, I was sitting impatiently in a seminar in Washington, D.C., "learning" about heavenonlyknowswhat, and looking forward to the lunch break when I could go across the highway to the large mall for a few last minute things. When the lunch break came, I discovered, in Lord & Taylor, the prettiest scarf you ever did see. And it was the perfect accompaniment to my newly purchased pimp coat.

Later that day, at home, I described the scarf to Jif and LG, heavy on the "it would be so perfect with my pimp coat" angle. Even told them just where to get it, at the L&T store right close to our home. Fast forward a day or two. I was straightening up in the living room, where Jif had left some shopping bags with the advisory, "do NOT look in them." Shyeah, right. I opened the Lord & Taylor bag, happily pulled out the box, removed the lid, pulled back the tissue paper and . . . oh sh!t. It was not my scarf. I mean, it was a scarf for me; but it was not the scarf I had described. Since when does "jewel tones" mean black, ivory and gray? (A friend later pointed out to me that if the jewels were onyx, pearl and marcasite....yea, whatever.) What to do, what to do? Do I put this back and open it up on Christmas morning and pretend to love it? Or do I let them know it's not what I wanted, thereby breaking their little hearts?

Thirty minutes later, I was happily walking out of Lord and Taylor with MY scarf, having just exchanged the wrong one for the right one. I put all Jif's shopping bags and boxes back just so, with the replacement scarf in the box. And I said not one word.

On Christmas morning, when I reached for the scarf box, Jif stopped me and gave a disclaimer. "I don't know how to tell you this, but when we went to wrap this, we discovered that the cashier made a mistake somehow. It's not the scarf you wanted...she must have picked up another one on the counter and put it in the box for us. I'll exchange it for you; we just wanted you to know we did try to get the one you wanted."

When I took the lid off, I said, "What are you talking about?! This is it! This is the one I saw! I LOVE it! You got exactly the right scarf!" LG and Jif looked at each other, eyes widening.

Jif said, "You mean this, THIS is the one you saw in D.C.? This is the exact scarf you wanted?"

"Yes!" And just as I was about to 'fess up to my peeking in boxes, and my pre-Christmas exchange, my baby girl gasped and said...

"IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!"

And her Daddy said, "IT REALLY IS!"

And do you think I was going to take that away from them? They were practically glowing, floating, and whatnot, with Christmas miracle joy. What kind of grinch would I be, to shine the cold light of truth on their Christmas story? I'm no grinch. I basked in the glow of the miracle right along with them.

And I only felt a TINY bit guilty about that.

About two days later, out of the blue, Jif said to me, "HEY..... did you find that scarf . . . "

"Yea, I did." He knows me too well. We decided not to tell LG. Just tonight, at the mall, as we walked through the accessories department in a store, she said to me, "Remember the Christmas miracle scarf?"

"I sure do. I don't think I'll ever forget that."

"Me neither!"

I'm not telling. Would you?

35 heads are better than one . . .

Blogger hellokittn said...

OMG - I love it :). I would have soooo done the same thing.

 
Blogger hellokittn said...

Oh ya - FIRST :*

 
Blogger SassyFemme said...

Nope, I'd never tell. That's such a cute story!

 
Blogger momo said...

Heck NO! I'd never tell.

Really cute story, BTW!

 
Blogger Southern Fried Girl said...

Absolutely NOT. You did the right thing.

 
Blogger eviluncledave said...

That's hilarious. Now I know why you were worried about LG finding ol' Legolas: she's got a genetic predisposition toward present peeking....

 
Blogger Nilbo said...

I would not tell, if only to hide my shame and mortification for PEEKING AT A CHRISTMAS GIFT.

 
Blogger RitaPita said...

What a great story! It says so much about you and your family and the way you all meld. Adorable.

And I would never, ever tell.

 
Blogger Susie said...

chchchchia, you have control issues, too, eh?

sassyfemme, thanks; this is one of those where I wondered if people would think I'm awful...

momo, thanks for "voting" with me :)

sfg, MOST of the time, I believe absolute honesty is the way to go; but sometimes, something else is for a "higher" good, IMO

eud, I'm afraid it's true; I sort of like to be surprised, but mostly I don't. Mostly I want to know what I'm in for... you'd have to see the results of all my psych. evaluations to really understand that, so just take my word for it ;)

nilbo, damn, that's harsh! I saw you over at kalki's, all "I wouldn't give the gift..." blah blah blah. Have some mercy! It's Christmas!

ritapita, meld, eh? Perhaps we are all equally, though differently flawed :) Jif and I do match up rather well, though, I'm very thankful and happy to say.

 
Blogger eclectic said...

Oh, I would sooo want to NOT tell, but my face would soooo give me away. My baby girl knows every nuance of my all-too-apparent expressions, and would ferret out the truth in half a heartbeat. But if I could pull it off, I'd be ALL over the miracle. What a great story, er, scam!

 
Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

Oh I wouldnt tell either. I've seen baby pics of that girls face and the smiles she must give you... oh yeah, that would be one well kept secret.

 
Blogger Nilbo said...

Precisely my point, you Peeker-pants. It's Christmas. You do not peek at Christmas, because if you peek or guess successfully, you don't just spoil your own damn present, you spoil the fun of the person giving it to you.

On this point, I am resolute. Peeking at Christmas? Off with her head, but not before those gifts go back.

To afford you just the teensiest bit of wiggle room, I will say it is incumbent upon the giver, when dealing with a known Peeker-pants, to at least present a challenge to the giftee.

But that doesn't let you off the hook entirely.

 
Anonymous kalki said...

Not only did you snoop but you exchanged it?! You're my hero. And I think this is quite possibly the best holiday story I have ever heard.

And Nilbo? My best friend peeked at her engagement ring before he proposed. (She was cold and wearing his jacket and the ring was in the pocket. And she went into the bathroom and PEEKED!) How you like them apples?

 
Blogger Susie said...

eclectic, hmm, interesting; I would have thought my face is expressive, too, except years of hearing crazy-as-hell things and maintaining a matter-of-fact expression has probably taken its toll.

jess, she is a sweetie-face; thank you.

nilbo! Peeker-pants! That sounds like another term for assless chaps! OK, I do peek, I do cheat, BUT, as I said at kalki's, I don't TELL, hardly EVER. I do understand that it is more fun for the giver if the giftee is surprised, and I do try not to spoil that. I even advocate lying about whether one is surprised at a surprise party -- even if you're not, I say you should always say you are, and go to your grave saying it, because, no one wants to know they went to all that trouble and you weren't surprised. I'm telling you, there are deep psychological reasons why some of us need to know what's up; DON'T TAKE MY PRESENTS AWAY! I LOVE PRESENTS!!!!

kalki, yea, I didn't think of it quite that way, but hellz yea, not only did I peek, but I sneaky-exchanged it, too. And I am PROUD! Especially now that you approve ;) Oh, and I would SO have peeked at the ring... I'm just sayin'...

 
Blogger _Summer_ said...

How sweet.

NO way would I tell her. She'll eventually figure it out. :)

 
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

I'm pretty good at not peekin' at presents.

Now, if I'm talking to someone who said she just sent me a present, and I can tell she's weak and wants to tell me what she's sending, I can't resist worming it out of her. And if she breaks and tells me under minimal questioning, hey...
The gift was then never meant to be a secret.

Right, Jess? ;)

(And I see you bringin' the assless chaps into this Christmas miracle story, Susie...for shame. Those are for New Year's Eve)

 
Blogger Weetzie said...

Absolutely Priceless!! I never would've had the nerve to exchange the scarf ....but it definitely was the right thing to do!
Oh...and Peeker-Pants...snork! :-)

 
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

I would never tell LG... write it down somewhere, just the way to you told it to us. If she finds it and reads it, she has the WHOLE story. If not... well, no harm done.

 
Blogger August95 said...

You have the best stories. Booty flies... miracle scarfs. Thanks for the morning laugh. No, I would never tell.

 
Blogger LadyBug said...

That story totally gave me warm fuzzies.

Not like the fuzzies you'd get on your sweater if you wore that pimp coat, but the warm, tingly fuzzies (No, not THOSE fuzzies, either, Bucky.).

Anyway. Sweet story. And I would tell LG, but not 'til she has kids of her own.

A very Merry Christmas to the Fairchilds. Love and hugs to you all.

 
Blogger Squirl said...

I will go out of my way NOT to peak or try to find out my Christmas presents. It's not that I'm an honorable person. It's just that we always knew, as kids, exactly what we were getting for Christmas. It's one of the "staying a little kid" things that I do for myself.

Now, not peaking at that engagement ring in the pocket...??? Whole 'nother story.

 
Blogger mreddie said...

By all means tell her - but wait about 20 years and you will both enjoy it a lot better. ec

 
Blogger Karen said...

Poker-face peeker-pants!

Okay, I just wanted to say that. Not in a mean way. It just sounds funny.

So, um, what if she knows, but she knows you want to think she doesn't know, so she hides it from you that she knows? Is she that subtle? My son is.

 
Blogger little sister said...

wow...you are truly sneaky and deceptive! That's why I read your blog :D

 
Blogger Nina said...

((smile)) No, I wouldn't tell LG until the day she asks or questions it. . . I have done things like this. Well no, I have never exchanged a gift before it was given. LOL, that made me laugh that you did.
I did find a (red) coat one year in a box. . . then I kept telling John how I really wanted a black coat. I kept saying that after Christmas with the sales and all, I'll have to get me a black coat, since they would be certain to have a black coat on sale, you know after Christmas. (g)
So when I opened the box on Christmas, there it was a black coat. Later he told me that he had bought a red one, but took it back because HE decided that a black one would look better on me. To which I told him, good choice.

 
Blogger Jim said...

THAT is a great story. I'd never tell either - heck no. Well, maybe when the kid's 40.

 
Blogger Ern said...

What a great story! Someday, LG will read your blog archives and discover the sordid truth. But hopefully by then, her faith in Christmas Miracles will be strong enough to withstand it!

 
Blogger hellokittn said...

LOL - Squirl said "I will go out of my way NOT to peak."

Poor Ich LOL

This makes up for every dictionary thumping lecture. LOL

 
Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

That is the sweetest story EVER! I think this is a story to cop to when you are a grandmother and no sooner.

 
Blogger dashababy said...

I love Christmas miracles. This is a great story Susie. You are too cute!!!

 
Blogger judypatooote said...

Now Susie that is a memory, to put in your memory bank.....I just love that story......Merry Christmas to you and your family...

 
Blogger Twixie said...

That's a great story.... there's really nothing else you could have done... can't take away a Christmas miracle, that would be unkind.

 
Anonymous Sharkey said...

Excellent story, Susie. I'm with Kranki--it's a story to tell your grankids someday.

Merry Christmas, Susie, Jif, and LG!

 
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

But haven’t you now let the scam—I mean, scarf—out of the bag?

 
Blogger mrtl said...

You are such a hoot!

 


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