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Tuesday, September 20, 2005

You're Out-numbered, Mean Lady!

A day late, but here's my road rage tale.

When LG was about 3, she and I were stopped at a redlight near my office. When the light turned green, I inched forward into the intersection, preparing to turn left, when the cars coming from the other direction were through the light. I sat there in the middle of the intersection with my turn signal on, while the lady facing me, who clearly had the right of way, sat there glaring at me. I can only imagine that she just didn't trust me. She apparently thought that if she proceeded through her green light, I would just cut in front of her to make my left turn.

I waited patiently. She didn't move. She started yelling things I couldn't hear, and shook her fist at me. My child was in the car, and I wanted to be a good example. I made the universal gesture for "please, after you," also known as the "look at the fabulous prize you could win, if The Price is Right" gesture -- basically an exaggerated, sweeping hand motion. Come on, already, lady. She was having none of my chivalry, nor my game show etiquette. She introduced a new gesture to the equation, the one involving only one finger. Which she thrust up repeatedly, as she continued to yell silently behind her windshield.

As I said, my kid was in the car. I replied with still another hand gesture. This one involved two fingers, and was, in fact, the "peace" sign. I upped the ante with a smile. She became enraged and started giving me the universal symbol for "I am a lunatic and I might just run right into you for the hell of it, and YOUR KID IS IN THE CAR" (this symbol involves banging both hands on the stirring wheel, then wildly swinging arms, clutching hair, etc.) so I just went in front of her and got outta there.

LG had observed all of this, and she asked me what the lady's one finger meant. "It was a rude gesture that people sometimes do when they're angry." She asked me what my two fingers meant. "That means 'peace.' I was trying to tell her that I was not angry with her, that I felt peaceful toward her, and that I hoped she would feel peaceful, too."

LG said, "Oh. I thought two fingers meant, 'Hey, mean lady, you better watch out, because there are TWO OF US in this car!"

29 heads are better than one . . .

Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

OK, your child is the cutest thing EVER!

Blogger LadyBug said...

Oh. My. Gosh. She is such a cutie-patootie.

And how on earth could you concentrate on the road while you were cracking up about THAT one?


Blogger Ern said...

I think that LG might be the successor for Nilbo the Wise!

How cute can one girl be?

Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

That is hysterical.

My niece is more hands on, she once put her hands on her hips and said, Tevie Im going to beat you up and its gonna be scary.

Maybe I should send her your way so she can get your back if you two need to run for cover.

I would love to see baby pics of your daughter, I bet she is just as adorable as she sounds.

Anonymous lawbrat said...

That is too cute. Such innocence. So sweet. She's lucky to have you and jif as parents, and your lucky to have her.

Anonymous kalki said...

Two things, both way too sappy for this early in the morning but true nonetheless:

1. If I ever have a daughter, I hope she is as witty and wonderful as LG.

2. If I ever am a mother, I hope to be as good of an example as you.

Blogger WILLIAM said...

Great story.

I tought the two fingers was going to be scissors. Rock, paper, scissors.

Blogger SRH said...

Only children can bring that kind of funny

Anonymous Sharkey said...

Look at LG, getting all feisty. Too funny!

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Susie -- Hee! I heart LG. ;)

Kalki -- 1. She'll be more so. 2. You already are a fine example of a human being.

Blogger ieatcrayonz said...

You sure she didn't think you meant, "You want a peace of me?!?"

Blogger Nina said...

ROFL, that is exactly why kids are my favorite people!

Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

How come kids make the most sense? (Nice keeping your cool, Susie.)

Anonymous kalki said...

Aww, thanks CK!

Blogger Squirl said...

Tee-hee, and she was only three. I bet you were that savvy at her age.

I think my word verification knows your dog.


Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

So...how long before LG has her own blog? We promise to be nice in her comments and stuff.

Blogger Susie said...

kranki, yea, she kinda is . . . ;)

ladybug, car conversations are the best, as you know.

ern, well perhaps we should start grooming her toward that lofty ambition :)

Jess, scary, huh? To see baby LG, go look at my . . . I think April 24th post.

lawbrat, she is a joy, one we never expected we'd have.

kalki, aw, that is so sweet. Thank you.

william, she got really into rock, paper, scissors not long after that.

srh, very true.

sharkey, I know; I had to wonder what else I had taught her, for her to be thinking like that -- We could "take" her, there's two of us!

ck, thank you.

crayoneater, you clever, clever girl. Made me laugh.

nina, yep, I know what you mean.

hoss, yea, I only write about the times I get things right here, not about the times I act like a raving lunatic mommy.

squirl, you win the prize for most unusual comment, one never before written on this blog, with your magnificent entry:
"I think my word verification knows your dog."

bucky, sometimes she wants one. I'm afraid we'd fight over the computer too much. Plus all the pervs and weirdos that blogs attract. Present company excepted, of course.

Blogger Susie said...

oh, and bucky, LG was a guest poster here on March 16. I just went back and enjoyed reading her responses to comments, very cute.


Blogger SierraBella said...

LG is one smart girl!

Are you sure your gesture didn't mean Peace (sic) On You!

Blogger echrai said...

ROFL I love it - you have the greatest stories. Cosby was onto something with "kids say the darndest things" - not that your comedic writing doesn't help the kiddie punchline. :) Thanks for giving me a big smile!

Blogger eclectic said...

I {heart} LG! She already knew math at age 3 -- two IS bigger than one!!! And, metaphorically speaking, "peace" IS bigger than "fuck you". Thank goodness.

Blogger Kitty said...

Squirl's word verification says a lot - that was buskiyt!

Blogger Kitty said...

I just have word verification envy, mine just says "owed femur"


Blogger Susie said...

sierrabella, noooo, I wasn't one bit peaced off.

echrai, kids do say the funniest things; no one who has a preschooler needs a TV, they are plenty entertaining.

eclectic, you could put that on a T-shirt!

kitty, we won't make you pay with your femur.

Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Gotta watch out for those internet pervs.
Though I'll bet LG could give 'em a run for their money and send 'em home cryin' - she doesn't seem to be a girl who lacks a comeback for any occasion.

Anonymous Daphne said...

Everyone has covered that LG is super cute and you do seem like a fantastic parent, and I would like to reiterate all that. THEN I would like to say that Mean Lady was CRAZY. Crazy! In this town (Seattle), if she sat and waited, another driver would come out from behind her and pull through the intersection, hitting you as you followed her oh-so-gracious pause for you. Or there would be a bicyclist or pedestrian coming through... In short, it really works better if we all follow the same rules. But I'm big on rule-following. I don't want too many, I just want 'em reasonable and for us to all follow them at least 80% of the time. 95% would be better; then we'd know there was a darn good reason for breaking a rule when it happens.

Yours truly,

the goody two-shoes of the internet. sigh. my rebel side and my rules side are always in conflict.

Blogger Squirl said...

I felt compelled to comment again. First, I appreciate that Susie liked my first comment. Second, my word verification looks like something one would mumble in ones sleep.


Blogger momo said...

Sooooo cute! I totally love your stories about LG!

Blogger Jen Spedowfski-Martin said...

Please....please...please compile a book (or shit I'd settle for a Word document)on LG's cute sayings and stories. I told my parents about the first time you laughed over 9/11 and we all laughed so loud that I'm pretty sure the downstair's neighbor got pissed at all the joy-noise we were making again. Anyway....I love the way she thinks!


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