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Sunday, February 25, 2007

making T-shirts

Sunday Post ~ "99% of being a good parent is doing what you don't feel like doing." -- Susie Fairchild (with acknowledgment as follows)

I learned this philosophy a very long time ago, although in many more words, from a continuing education presenter whose name, I am sorry to say, I don't remember. The topic of her presentation was "adult children of depressed parents," particularly of depressed mothers, and how depressed parents raise people who may have no understanding (because they had no role model) of the concept that what we feel like doing often is (and should be) quite irrelevant. What is important is not what we feel like, but what is needed. I think many a worthwhile noun can be substituted for "parent," too: spouse, friend, employee, petsitter, etc.

I Peter 5:6-11

UPDATE: The par-tay has been postponed due to icing. And not the kind on a birthday cake :( But I do thank you for your encouragement and prayers. Next attempt is in 2 weeks.

23 heads are better than one . . .

Blogger Traci said...

AMEN Sista! I love this! I think and say this often to myself and to my children. Have fun at the birthday party sweetie.

 
Blogger Arlene said...

That is too true, and every time clean-your-room-time comes around, I remind my kids :-)
Cute shirt!!

 
Blogger Lynn said...

I know what you mean, Susie. So many times I feel like I can't do what the kids need, but it ends up that I CAN simply because I must. They are very important.

I hope the party goes well. I hope you all have enjoyment. I hope...

 
Blogger Squirl said...

So true, so true. I would imagine there are plenty of things you don't feel like doing these days. But you're a good mama and love your daughter more than life itself.

Love you, and hope today goes really, really well for you.

 

Wise words, indeed Susie. And interesting bit of knowledge (explains a lot in some people close to me). Hope you all have a blast today, and a Very Happy Birthday to LG.

 
Blogger Nina said...

You are a wonderful parent . . . there is no doubt.
I wish you a wonderful day today! You will hold in your heart all of your baby girl's smiles from today.
We don't always realize it until afterwards but part of that 99% is for us. To see them happy.
Love and hugs,

 
Blogger MrsDoF said...

Well, I must have failed one section of the parent test when I refused to become 'a soccer mom'. The dragging the equipment, the unbelievable hours of practice time and schedules, finding a field/park on the other side of town.
My sons were not at all encouraged to join team sports, mostly because I can't stand them myself.
So, yeah, I know firsthand about how a mother can be a wet blanket.

The oldest son shined as a writer and star in the Drama Club, middle was captain of the Scholastic Bowl Team, and youngest has more than 20 students for guitar while he himself is still in college.
They are fine citizens, despite not knowing how to kick a ball around.

On the other hand, I would be glad to step in and do all those iron-ons for the party.
Really cute.

 
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

I needed to hear that, too. How do you do that, Susie?

Have fun today!

 
Anonymous kalki said...

Someone once gave me the same advice, about marriage. He said that in everything - the big things and the daily mundane things - he tried to do what was best for his wife, not for himself. He said it wasn't always easy, but he made that his goal. And he said that it works because she's doing what's best for him, and so they are both taken care of. I thought that was a beautiful perspective, and nearly five years into my own marriage, I can attest that it works.

Happy party day to your family!

 
Blogger eclectic said...

Happy, happy birthday LG!!! And happy LG's birthday to you, Susie. I'm praying you will enjoy good health today. Yes, we do what must be done, and we learn each time that we're capable of doing more than we feel like. But I hope, especially today, that you feel strong enough to do what you want to do. You are definitely a hero to me, sis.

 
Blogger Karen said...

Heh, well, that's why therapists are needed.

So is LG learning to use the iron now? She might appreciate being able to help. Even if it doesn't seem like it all the time. And who better than you to teach her?

(I know your post is not about the ironing. But then, neither is my comment.)

 
Blogger WILLIAM said...

DOing what I felt like doing was how I became a parent in the first place.


Have a good day at the party.

 
Anonymous sheryl said...

I love how reading what you write engages all of me - mind, body and soul. Thank you.

That is so right about how we need to learn how to do things we may not feel like doing, or things for which we may not understand the need. My brother and sister and I, being adult children of a parent with a severe mental illness, we knew how to do a lot of things and tended to step in to do the things she couldn't. There was never a question of whether we felt like it. And we were good to have around in emergencies.

But because we were only kids, we didn't know about some things or how to do the things that sort of keep things in balance *over time*.

It's been interesting (and frustrating) to say the least for our partners.

I've said many times that empathy is the heart of citizenship (citizenship being any relationship, whether one on one or global).

If interdependence is the basis of citizenship, and if empathy is the heart of citizenship, stewardship is its soul. Continuous mutual provision, maintenance, conservation, preservation...

Susie, I hope today goes well for you and yours. Love and more love!
xo

 
Blogger Squirl said...

Dang! Now I see that the weather is the wet blanket, so to speak. But maybe it's for a reason. Maybe you'll be feeling much, much better in two weeks.

Still sending love and hugs. :)

 
Blogger Susie said...

traci, it's the internal good mom who says, gently, "It doesn't matter that you don't feel like it; it's the right (healthy, sane, kind, moral) thing to do."

arlene, thanks. At least now when the party comes, we'll be well-prepared, not last-minute prepared.

lynn, I know you know :) xxx

squirl, I am increasingly having to take a moment here and there to distinguish between what I don't feel like doing, and what I actually CAN'T do. It's tough; but then I'm always grateful to learn that some things I feel like I can't, I actually can :)

htgt, it explained a lot to me, too, which is why I condensed it into that soundbite and remembered it all these years. :)

nina, yes, it is very much for us :) I'm not a wonderful mom, but I keep trying to be a good enough one.

mrsDoF, I feel pretty sure that you encouraged your children's gifts. Being a good parent is not facilitating absolutely everything your kids take a whim to do. And as you say, your guys are the proof. Or the pudding. Something like that ;)

ck, if it's for you, that's a God thing :) Any fun to be had will be had at home, party-free, today.

kalki, if marriage can be perfect (and of course it can't), I think what you describe is how that would be accomplished. Mutual, nearly equal self-sacrifice, etc. I think you and Rob are a great example of that.

eclectic, You are far too generous with your praise of me. Thank you for that. xxx And maybe this postponement is for the best. I am really, really struggling.

karen, LG is learning all sorts of things that many 11-year-olds don't know. This both pleases and saddens me. It's just our life, for right now.

william, your comment takes me back to the days of sticking needles in my stomach and butt to try to get a baby. NOT what I felt like doing. You are a lucky man. But you knew that.

she, "But because we were only kids, we didn't know about some things or how to do the things that sort of keep things in balance *over time*." I think this speaks to something about me and my childhood. I would have said that I was very "mature" (emotionally, spiritually) at a very early age. That was partly true; I knew how to take care of myself. But true maturity comes from gradual, nurtured growth. Survival, while a true blessing, isn't the same as maturity. It took me a long time to figure out that I wasn't as "mature" as I had always felt and appeared to observers.
Your comment also reminds me of the comment I made at Traci's not long ago, on her "spingle" post. (And this should probably be an email rather than a comment, but here it is ;)

squirl, I love you so much for saying that. I must admit, my first thought when I realized we had to cancel was something like, "Oh, no. This is getting so bad; will I be able to walk and talk AT ALL two weeks from now?" Thank you for the perspective. In two weeks, I could be better, or even well.

 
Blogger Nina said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
Blogger Nina said...

We never know how our prayers are answered. I thought the same as Squirl . . . that in two weeks you will be feeling better and able to enjoy the par~ty so much more.

 
Blogger Nina said...

Silly girl,

"I'm not a wonderful mom, but I keep trying to be a good enough one."

Don't cha know that is what makes you so good! Trying is what it takes.

 
Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

Once again you write a post that is spookily something going on in my life too. For me is worrying about being a good doggy parent. Goofy but true. :-)

I am sorry to hear about the par-tay postponement but that bad kind of icing is no good. Sending prayers your way that in two weeks everything will fall into place perfectly.

 
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Why has NO ONE said anything about all the icing on the monkey?

 
Blogger Susie said...

nina, you and Squirl often think (brilliantly) alike, and I love you both.

kranki, again, it's a God thing. You are a very good pet mom, I have no doubt. And thank you for your prayers, always.

BUCKY!, this is my CHILD'S party! Get a grip.
(Besides, there will be no celebrating monkeys here because we have 4 inches. I'm just sayin'...)

 
Anonymous platypus said...

Your Sunday Post is inspiring as always. It's a lesson I am struggling to teach Stumpy at the moment. She's finding it a particularly tough one but it helped to see that you were saying it too and not just boring old mum. Thank you.

I'm so sorry the party was postponed but I'm hoping that in a couple of weeks you'll be feeling much better than you do now. Take it easy and look after yourself. Keep in touch though, or we'll send in the Posse.

 
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

The observation about parenting is absolutely true! Starring with changing diapers and continuing to the handing over of one's car keys to one's son.

Blessing to you, Susie!

 


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