I'm Just Sayin'....(#2)
Jif and I have identical cell phones. LG decided I needed this ID sticker to distinguish my phone from Jif's.
About cell phones. Three things.
First. If you come to me for marriage counseling, I want you to turn your cell phones off. Both of you. I mean it. No, it is not OK if I talk with one of you while the other does business on the cell phone. It's not OK with me. (Hmmm. I know we've just met, and I don't want to jump to conclusions. But could it possibly be that there's some correlation between you answering your cell phone during the marital therapy session, and your spouse's complaint that you NEVER LISTEN? Or how about your partner's complaint about not feeling important to you? I don't know, I'm must wondering...) What's that? You're paying me for the hour? That is true. But here's why that doesn't change the fact that you gotta turn it off: If you called me up and said to me, "I would like to pay a significant hourly rate to have you sit there quietly and watch and listen to me talk on my cell phone," I would say to you, "No." Yes, I understand that you may be perfectly willing to spend your money that way. And I am sure you will be able to find a therapist who will take your money in exchange for that service. It ain't me. I am not willing to spend my time that way. Turn. the mofo. OFF.
Second. Don't look at me like that when I look at you like that. When we are in the store, and you come up right beside me and you're talking out loud. How am I supposed to know that you're on one of those invisible cell phones? The kind that's stuck in your ear or implanted in your neck, or wherever the hell it is. If you are beside me, talking to me, my first reaction is to smile at you, then listen very intently to what you're saying, so I can try to catch on to just where in the conversation we are, so I can jump in. Because I'm friendly like that. Then when you don't return my gesture of friendship, my second reaction is to try to discern just which mental disorder I am witnessing; because it is obviously one of those few that is accompanied by delusions or auditory hallucinations. That is, you're apparently hearing voices. And even worse, you're talking back to them. Out loud. I can help you with that. It is only when you continue to look at me like that, that I finally realize, "Oh, it's one of those." But you don't have to be nasty. As I said, I was only trying to A)be friendly or B)begin the necessary paperwork.
Third. In church. No. On Easter Sunday, not once, but twice, my pastor's sermon was interrupted by your phone. You know those little "I wish..." cards we have in the pews? The ones where you can request a visit from the pastor, or request that we sing your favorite hymn? I wrote out a wish on that card, and addressed it to the pastor, and put it in the offering plate. It said, "I wish that the next time someone's cell phone rings during your sermon, you would say, right from the pulpit, "That had BETTER be the Lord calling." Come on. In church? No.
I'm just sayin'...
file under: &I'm Just Sayin'